Alt @ MindSay 
We had a meeting today, sort of a "back from vacation" thing. I got to see all of my co-workers and we got a chance to talk about this and that. I told some of them that I was going home in November and they seemed to think that was pretty cool... but the weird part is that many asked me when I was coming back. One in particular, an older, nice guy that I have spoken to on many occasions, had this dialogue with me:
"Going home in November? Must have found a new job huh? So when are you coming back to Japan then?"
"What?" I asked, "um, never. I'm going home for good."
He looked at me, somewhat shocked, "Really? You don't want to come back? You want to live in America??"
As the word "America" was said there was a bit of a shiver to the guys voice. Like it's such a bad thing. It reminded me of how I used to think, and it made me realize just how proud I am now to be an American. Now mind you, I won't go waving the flag around, buying black velvet paintings of eagles crying or voting republican... I'm not that kind of American. But I will say I enjoy the freedom, the space and the general attitude of the country of my birth. It just took a little while for me to realize it.
Back to my conversation, I was then asked what I planned to do when I got home.
"Well, I plan on being with my family and friends."
"Well, what about your Japanese friends?"
I did tell the truth. I said "They'll be fine, I have all their info and they want to visit me in the states!" What I didn't mention is that not one of the friends I have made out here is actually Japanese. Sure, I met these new friends in Japan, but they are all sorts of backgrounds... Asian and European. But no Japanese. Not one. I know more Japanese people in America then I do in Japan. And that's another reason I want to go home.
"But what about all the things Japan has to offer?"
I started to feel like he was a spokesman for the Japanese Consulate of Foreign Workers or something. I basically said that it would be best for me to live in America. Both me and my girl would prefer it (yes, I had to explain how my girl is Japanese but born in America and likes The USA better and so do I etc...)
He digested what I told him for a moment and finally said "Well that's cool. I kinds wish I could move back sometimes too... but I haven't paid taxes in the USA for over 40 years. I really can't go back".
So now I understood the disdain. Still a pretty cool guy by my standards.
For me, Japan used to mean a freedom from everything that I was used to. No more mundane, day to day routine, but instead an exciting and interesting new world to explore. Now, it means nine hour work days, low pay, high taxes, people who are constantly "too busy" to do anything (I will explain that in more detail in a later post) and long, loooooong commute times.
America used to mean boredom, no opportunities and stifling family members and friends that would keep me from doing what I wanted to do. It was too cushy, too easy, too drab. I needed to get away and do something on my own... but now, just like a painter stepping away from the easel, I can now see America for what it really is to me. Opportunities abound, free stuff all over the place, personal transportation so you can go wherever you want whenever you want, 24 hour everything, food from all around the world (and cheap), a house or very large apartment and most importantly, foreigners.
In America we are all in the same boat. We are all foreigners. America is this grand social experiment, and we've managed to all get along well enough to form one of the most powerful nations the world has ever seen. I love that I am a part of that. Anyone can be an American, but only natural born Japanese can be citizens in this country. I like our system better.
Anyways, I really do only have roughly 7 weeks of work left, so I'm going to spend most of that doing very little, especially after I give my notice of termination. This is going to be a sweet two months...
-Maru!
Summer vacation is almost over and I have to say that I am relieved. Everyday has been kind of dragging on lately and I just want to start getting my plans to go home underway. I guess I should be taking advantage of my last two months here in old Nippon, but there are two major things standing in the way:
- Cost of transportation
- I've been everywhere that I care to see in Kyoto and Osaka
It costs way too much to go places here. Getting to my girlfriend's apartment in Kyoto from my apartment in Osaka takes no less than two hours, 1,000 yen and involves changes trains and busses multiple times. If I wanted to go to Kobe or Wakayama it would cost another 2,000 yen round trip and frankly, I'm very broke at the moment. I have had to use credit just to buy food lately, so travel isn't much of an option.
Okay, so why not go somewhere local, right? Because honestly, I've seen everything I want to. Oh sure, there are more temples and stores and such, but (aside from the fact that they all cost money which I don't even have at the moment) I'm not that interested in seeing another temple or shop. Shops are only good if you have some cash to blow, which I believe I have firmly established that I do not.
As for temples, I am not a very religious person so I view most temples, no matter how beautiful, as a waste of resources. I've noticed a tendency for people who were raised Christian but no longer consider themselves as such to have a reverence for Asian religions, citing them as more spiritual. I personally view Asian religions o be just as silly as their western counterparts, but more wasteful in terms of land and materials used to build the shrines and temples.
So I've spent the pat week playing "Heroes" with some friends in Kyoto and watching the Olympics. The past two days sleeping exceedingly late, but the rest does feel good. School starts again on September 1st, so I guess this post is also a prediction for my activities next week as well. I have 11weeks remaining in Japan, 6-8 of which will be spent working and 2-3 which will be spent cleaning and moving. I will try to post an article about moving back to one's home country about the middle of October, as that is when the bulk of my moving adventure will take place.
Anyways, I'm getting super excited about going back home. But for now I think I'm going to take another nap.
*yawn*
-Maru!
The last week here was tough, but it helped me come to a decision.
I was unusually tired all this week... like I just wasn't getting enough sleep. I'm usually a little tired at work but this was different. I was coming home and taking long naps and almost completely falling asleep at my desk. My bike ride to work was also especially annoying as the humidity has been upwards of 100% lately. On Wednesday I had no classes, so I began to write.
I was writing just random things, short stories and essays and the like, but when I went back and read them I couldn't help but notice how much vitriol was in them. I didn't feel angry and yet these were very angry words I was typing down. I thought it a good idea to explore this, so I started typing about my current situation.
Bingo. Right away I felt myself get upset. My fingers came down hard on the keys and my upper lip inadvertently curled a little at the ends. As I typed my words got harsher and less forgiving, but when I hit the last keystroke, I felt much, much better. I look over my flow of consciousness in front of me and it outlined what I don't like about my job, how I feel about my kids, how tired I am, and finally ended with me quitting.
Quitting. Quitting? hmmm... "I quit". Yea, that does feel good. "I quit!" ooo! That's nice.
After writing I felt better, but decided to start a two column list. On one side, reasons I should stay in Japan and keep my job, on the other, reasons I should quit and go home. On Wednesday the lists were even, five items on each side.
Thursday was where it really began tho. I decided to show my kids a movie because it was the last class before Summer Vacation. Against my better judgment, I premiered a film that shall remain nameless, but has the distinction of not being out in Japan yet. I informed the kids that the film is very popular in America, and will be coming out in Japan several months from now. I added that they might actually be the first kids in Japan to even see this movie! Very few, if any, paid attention to my announcement. So I started the movie...
Four kids out of 36 actually watched. The rest ran around, talked loudly, sent messages on their cell phones and were generally disruptive.
I've known for a while that the kids that I teach aren't very good kids, but this was ridiculous. At one point I laughed at a scene in the movie and one of the girls in my class pointed and started saying loudly (in Japanese of course) "LOOK! He's laughing! Maru (they call me by my last name these days, no sensei or san) is laughing!"
This wouldn't be so bad, except she used that tone, like when a dog sneezes and you think it's cute because "He's a dog, and he sneezed! Just like he was a human!"
The period ended and only the four good kids even noticed when I turned off the film. I went back to the office and added to my list. At the end of the day, it read: Reasons to stay: 8; Reasons to go home: 22
Friday was yet another day of no classes, but I had to get up and go to school anyways. My Friday school has no air conditioning. At all. Just a few oscillating fans. Humidity was 100%, temperature was about 92 degrees Fahrenheit by 10 am. The other teachers cool off periodically by taking a dip in the schools pool. I am not allowed to do so because I don't pay into the communal fund. Honestly, I don't think I would want to anyways because I would have to share it with my kids who I am growing less and less fond of.
I added a few more entries to my list.
Lunch rolled around and it wasn't all that bad. Some cold noodles with a corn stew and bread... pretty good really. But for some reason this one teacher, one who had never spoken to me before, asked if I had trouble eating the food.
"What?" I asked, "No, I'm fine. It's good! Why do you ask?"
He laughed, then turned to his co-workers and said something speedily in Japanese. The words I caught were "Japanese people... food... foreigners... can't use/do..."
I added a bit more to my list.
Classes ended and I continued to sit and play on my computer as there was absolutely nothing else to do. A meeting started to discuss the next semester. I paid it no mind as I knew the only thing coming for me next semester was a massive class in November. No big deal really. The meeting ended and I continued monkeying around on my laptop. I was approached by one teacher who looked at me for a moment but then turned away. I was confused but couldn't really be bothered to care. She returned a moment later and said in very, very slow Japanese "Do... you... know... about... November?"
"Yes." I responded in a friendly tone (and in Japanese), "I have a big class one day! My office told me about it. They are sending a few more teachers to help me that day!" I smiled and waited for a response.
"OH! You... know... about... that.... class?"
"Um, yes. I even have a lesson planned already."
"Okay... good... that's... all... I... needed. Thank... you."
"No problem..." I trailed off a little as she quickly turned and walked away from me. She went up to another teacher within my earshot and started saying, in Japanese "Wow, his Japanese is pretty good! I was worried he wouldn't understand me! So what kind of English lesson will he teach? like, 'Hello, how are you?'"
These people know I try to speak Japanese. They know I can communicate no problem. She didn't even ask me, the English teacher, about the lesson plan.
I added to my list.
On my way home I was harassed by some of my kids, who just kept yelling my last name at the top of their lungs and laughing. When I got home I counted down my items, and my list, as of right now reads:
Reasons to stay: 9
Reasons to go home: 56
After Summer Vacation I will be tendering my resignation (hey, that rhymes!). I will give my company three months to find a replacement for me, so I shall work right up until Winter Break, which starts on December 19th. This decision is final, and I will make no other amendments to it unless a severe emergency arises, and even then it will be by days or a week at most. I originally promised myself that I would spend at least one year working in Japan. I have fulfilled that promise as of September and see no reason to continue torturing myself out here. In five months I will return to the USA to stay.
Wow, I’m feeling better already!
-Maru!
Edit: I will soon be making a new blog to catalog all my mixes. I have been making so many lately that I think I should commit an entirely new section just for them. That will be up just as soon as I finish my first two podcasts, which I am working on now! Watch for it!!
I was scheduled to teach classes at a school to the west of me called Kosaka today. I have never even seen the school before let alone taught in it. As I stepped into the principal's office to introduce myself, I realized that I haven't taught at any schools other than my usual two grade and one Jr. High.
Kosaka was bright and airy. All the woodwork looked new or at the very least well maintained. The staff was very friendly and spoke at length with me in Japanese about where I am from, my hobbies and family, as well as telling me a lot about themselves.
I was introduced to four teachers who spoke pretty good English... actually, one spoke better than my Jr. High teachers (which, admittedly, isn't that hard). I was offered coffee... HOT coffee, and the day’s lesson plans were laid out before me. I decided to use a combination of my flash cards and the ones they provided me with to make a fun lesson for the day. I also decided on some fun games to play and some follow up phrases and questions. I then readied myself for class, and boy, was I in for a shock.
The classroom, just like the rest of the school, was bright and happy looking. The students were all seated on the floor waiting for me to enter. As I walked in, heads turned toward me and smiles started spreading. Not the vindictive, cruel smiles I'm used to, but happy, friendly smiles. Without provocation I received a loud, but not shouted "Good morning!” to which I responded, "Good morning everyone."
Eyes lit up and happy giggles were murmured all around. I started in on my usual spiel. I said in Japanese "Today I will do my introduction, and afterwards we will have a quiz!" The teacher gently nudged me and asked that I use only English. I shrugged and repeated myself in English, adding "but don't worry too much, the questions will be in Japanese. I want your answers in English tho!"
Children started looking at each other and getting ready. I asked if they understood the last part and one repeated it for me in Japanese. Repeated it correctly. I was floored. These kids actually understood simple English. They understood how to pick out key words. These third and fourth graders were understanding and speaking at a level beyond that of my Jr. High kids.
I went through my introduction, and the kids were at rapt attention. I didn't need to raise my voice even once. I acted silly a few times and the kids laughed. No one mocked my English or occasional Japanese. When I asked questions in English they answered quickly. When they asked me questions in Japanese they would speak very clearly so I could actually hear them, and they would repeat if I asked them to.
The biggest shock came when we played the game of the day... Fruit Basket. Usually I have to shout at the top of my lungs just to be heard during a game of Fruit Basket, but today the kids were quiet. They were running around and having fun, but no one was screaming. The boys didn't collide in the center of the circle and wrestle each other to the ground. The girls didn't just slide one seat over at a time so they could stay near their friends and talk. The game played out like a real game... and it was beautiful.
At the end of the day I got to attend the school's English club. It consisted of kids from third to sixth grade who were all regular practitioners of the language. Many could even produce the "th" sound correctly. We did vehicles today and introduced about sixteen types. The kids only had trouble remembering two. It was truly amazing.
After club I had about one hour before it was time to go home. I ended up talking with one of the third grade teachers from my day and he asked me about my regular schools.
"I don't know why" I said, "but this school is so much better than my usual ones. The kids are so well behaved and studious."
"Really?" he asked, "I thought the kids were a little over-excited today. I was going to apologize!"
"How can you say that? They were wonderful! Some of the best I've ever had" I told him.
He then asked me what school I usually teach at, so I answered truthfully:
"Kashida."
There was a moment of silence before he asked "Kashida elementary and Jr. High?"
"Yes... why?"
It turns out that my schools have a reputation. A very bad reputation. Kashida JHS produces the fewest high school students in all of Higashi Osaka. Kashida elementary is know for severe behavioral problems and troubled kids. Both are notorious for poor environment and dilapidated classrooms (which I knew already). The worst bit of news, however, was that Kashida is considered the proving ground school out here. First time teachers are sent here to learn the ropes in the worst possible environment before trading up to bigger and better things. All the problems I have been privy to, all the bad kids running around screaming and hitting me... these problems are mine almost exclusively.
No one actually expects Kashida kids to achieve anything. This is why we have no English club or international room. It's also why I never get to see my kids outside of class for tutoring and why I never get to help with things like festivals. After hearing this from several teachers, I now realize why I have been so miserable. It's not Japan or the weather or even my job in general. Unfortunately, it's my kids.
I liked almost every single kid I came into contact with today. They were all fun and cheery. At my normal schools I actually have spite, real spite for most of the kids I see. I am going to request a school change for the next semester. Maybe I can get into Kosaka as it's not that far from me and I really like it now. In order to make my current situation more pleasant I will start treating my regular schools like everyone else does and stop caring. I have a little under three weeks until summer vacation, and in that time I plan on working as little as possible.
Despite this, I feel good. Very good in fact. It's like having a severe pain in your neck and then one day finally finding out it's because of your pillow. I know the source of my unhappiness now and I can take steps to rectify it. With some luck I will have a very pleasant and rewarding final six months in Japan. Hell, maybe I'll have something more to write about and update more than once a month too!
-Maru!
I originally planned to stay in Japan to see out my original year long contract with NOVA. For reasons that are obvious, that plan isn't going to come true, so instead I now would like to work here in Japan for that same year, plus about two months to make up for the time I was working for NOVA and some time to pack and send things home.
But past that, I don't really think that I need to stay here. I would go home for good this April, except that I have a few financial obligations here and I kind of promised myself to stay out here for at least one year.
The other reasons aren't as responsible, but are equally compelling.
I want to spend a spring and summer in Japan again. I like those seasons out here and look forward to enjoying them. I also haven't made it to Universal Studios Japan yet because it was winter, and I really want to go. Lake Biwa is nearby and I plan on visiting that, as well as going to see some friends and locations in Tokyo.
There is also Okinawa to visit, the Olympics (I've always wanted to see the Olympics in another country to see what the coverage looks like), my brother and possibly my nephew visiting me... I could go home, and I would be pretty happy doing so, but I'm still not finished out here yet.
So my schedule looks a little like this:
April: My brother comes to visit early in the month, late in the month is possibly a visit to a hot spring.
May: Early in the month is Universal Studios Japan, late in the month is a hot spring and/or more Osaka exploring.
June: Best month. Lake Biwa, Osaka swimming pool, Osaka exploring, maybe nephew visiting, Nagoya and/or Nara parks.
July: Also the best month, Provided I am working at a school, I only have half a month of work, so maybe theme parks, Tokyo visit, beach.
August: All of this month is vacation. Olympics, possible Okinawa visit, lake Biwa again. There is actually too much to list. August will be the real reason I came out here, as the 28th will make one full year of living in Japan.
September: Finish up working and start to get everything in order. I may have to apply for a visa extension that will make me legal to stay for a couple of extra months.
October: This is it. I will be done with my contract and I will be using most of the month to send things home and clean up. I will also try to sell the items that I can't or don't want to bring home (my desk, TV, refrigerator, etc). If I am low on money or my visa ends here, I will go home in late October, otherwise
November: Ideally I would like to stay until the second week of November. I will then go home for the holidays and start looking for work state-side. If all went even partially as planned, I will have a fair amount of savings on the side and be okay to leisurely look for a job until 2009.
It's been an experience. I feel like I've grown a lot in the past eight months, but another six will round me out nicely. I'll try to post less pessimistic things in the future, which should be easy as not only will the weather be nice, but I have stuff figured out a lot better now then I did just two months ago.
Six months can go very fast, so I made a (very belated) New Years Resolution to enjoy the rest of my time out here, even if it kills me.
-Maru!
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