Alone @ MindSay



 

   
R.E.M. - It's The End of the World As We Know It

That's great, it starts with an earthquake
Birds and snakes, an aeroplane
And Lenny Bruce is not afraid
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn
World serves its own needs, don't miserve your own needs
speed it up a notch, speak, grunt, no strength
The ladder start to clatter with fear of height, down height
Wire in a fire representing seven games
And a government for hire at a combat site
Left her wasn't coming in a hurry with the furies
Breathing down your neck
Team by team reporters, baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped
Look at that low plane, fine then
Uh-oh, overflow population, common group
But it'll do to save yourself, serve yourself
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart beat
tell me with a rapture and the reverend and the right, right
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light
Feeling pretty psyched

 

It's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
And I feel fine

 

Six o'clock T.V. hour, don't get caught in foreign towers
Slash and burn, return. listen to yourself churn
Lock it in, uniforming, book burning, bloodletting
Every motive escalate, automotive incinerate
Light a candle, light a votive, step down, step down
Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh
This means no fear cavalier, renegade, steer clear
A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies
Offer me solutions and offer me alternatives, and I decline

 

It's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
And I feel fine, I fee fine

It's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
And I feel fine

 

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide
Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein
Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce, and Lester Bangs
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam, bug net, right, right

 

It's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
And I feel fine

It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
And I feel fine

It's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
And I feel fine

It's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the, it's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
And I feel fine, fine

It's the end of the world as we know it
(It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end....

 
 
   
 

Stardate 3:9:2010
Mission Blog, Stardate 3:9:2010,

I don't remember how, but I awoke in my bed. Both my phone and clock alarms were blasting at max volume in my head... today I am not free, I am a teenager no longer, but a working young adult. I met someone new this morning, Responsibility. I don't really like them, but I need them... for the rest of my life. Wow... I haven't woken up this early in a long time... it was 6 am exactly.
The bus this morning was quiet... very quiet. Although I sat by *Joon and attempted to sustain a conversation I was distracted by Pain and the numbness I had to look out the window and just think... Thought is always there for me. I'm getting better at this whole, fake happy thing, but when I come back to Pain, it hurts twice as much, most times even more than four times as much... Ugh I hate him and her so much... As I walked into the chemistry room, I said my annual good morning to Jula, which is actually pronounced You-Luh. She could seriously be a model, I mean she's: tall, thin, gorgeous face and hair, and she's from Germany. Foreign girls make the best models. We just worked on the final review packet the whole time because we had a substitute. I finished A-C out of N... I'm so behind, but I will do fine on the final... its all good. 
Second period seemed to take its own sweet time on making its way around... I felt sick all 70 minutes of it... being within 10 feet of him is like standing right next to a garbage dump, or a nuclear waste site. My heart writhed inside of my chest cavity, like a worm on a hook being thrown out into sulfuric acid as live bait. It is so very hard not to look or talk to him... but it would be even harder to do it because of her... I try to stay away form him, it takes all of my self-control... My heart is finally slowing down, it;s not moving as much, but the pain is still there... the numbness is in my stomach and throat, it's moving into my cheeks, it hurts, a new pain in my face... I think I am going to be sick, a lump in my throat feels like its right behind my gag reflexor... my eyes are heavy with tiredness and pain... the corners of my mouth filled pinched and pulled down, and my chest itches and burns. We watched the old version of Lord of the Flies, it was horribly filmed and the sound was pure static... it gives me a headache. I am so thirsty, but no liquid can quench this thirst of mine...
In third period I finished my final, it looks pretty descent, I'm okay with it. Ugh, I HATE country music, it plays all the time in *Mrs. Rose's room. Speaking of roses, I miss my dear friend *Rose. I haven't seen her much this year because she dropped out of school for several reasons, the main of which were: she was struggling with an eating disorder, because of that she was teased and couldn't keep her grades up. I miss her so very much... As I listen to my iPod, "PYT" by Michael Jackson, I thought of Edward Cullen's family tree: it all started when Michael Jackson had relations with a bat, which in turn produced Dracula who got raped by Paris Hilton and from that Edward Cullen was "born". Also, after he had relations with the bat, Michael Jackson had another relation with a snake and they had Aruchimaru, off of Naruto. Me and *Anne discussed this topic jokingly... I found it very funny. I often laugh to myself for ideas such as this, and no one ever asks why I laugh, so the genius idea is lost. I did once however manage to write down an idea once, on a global warming theory. It's to complicated to explain here but I called it "The Ice Maker Theory" *Anne, the other advanced girl in art, is an incredible artist, her sketches are like my masterpieces, not that I have any of those. Ugh! My stomach twist and turns in knots, like someone put it in a washing machine... bleh... Today for Lunch, I have a lunch, CousCous and chicken. Me and *Anne continued to talk, about Spore and Sims 3, I love nerd talk... 
At lunch I sat down, quickly ate my couscous and left. I seem to always be in other people's way. As I sat down in the math room, it smelled of fading cigarettes and cheap lotions mixed with public bathroom. It's quiet, all except for the fan and my ever weary heart... the bell rang and it sent an unexpected jolt of suprise in my chest... he walked in the room, I quickly looked away... ugh for the next 70 minutes I would be in a torterous test of my sanity. His once pleasant face haunts my dreams and the sound of his voice chased out all the sanity in me... I got 100% on my math homework and I think I got at least an A on my Ch. 6 test today... My heart feels as if it's filled with moths covered in anesthetic.. erratic beats and painful flutters followed by numbness. My mouth and throat are dry and sticky, like I haven't had a drink in days... though I cannot remember my last glass of water, I have had food that contains some water...I think... As I doodled an eye on my paper, a very realistic eye, I longed so much to tap him on the shoulder and show him... but I fought the temptation with all my might... these feeling I had for so long... I've tried to tell myself that he's gone, and though he's still by me, I feel alone... I'm alone... I'm so tired... I want to go to sleep and never wake up... unless I have a nightmare... that would suck to be stuck in a nightmare forever...
 
 
 

   
Stardate 3:8:2010
Flashback

Mission Blog, Stardate 3:8:2010,

As I got off the yellow prison care, I was finally free again... Today turned out to be an okay day; I got an A+ on a math quiz, I finished my art final and I started another concentration. My baby greeted me at the front door, I miss my baby dog all day, everyday. He's probably the only male that will ever come close to loving me... but not in the way that I want or need...
I was about to start my watercolor homework when I received a text from *Carmine, "I know who he likes." My heart stopped for a brief second and then started beating again at an erratic and irregular beat... faster and faster it went, "who is it?" My heart was being beat like the drum of a two year-old... my heart screamed in pain, Don't look at the text! No! Don't do it! You're going to hurt me even more! The text finally came, my phone vibrated as I slowly picked it up... I want to read it so bad, but I know once I do I will loose myself and regret ever looking at it... is it worth it? As I opened my phone... her name was such a stereotype: blonde, athletic, skinny, smart, pretty... young. At that moment the numbness consumed me, I was enveloped in a liquid air... I lost myself...
The next thing I knew I was walking into the woods... no coat... in a short sleeve shirt and shorts. It was raining lightly outside... deeper and deeper I walked into the forest. It must have been a mile... I collapsed under a large pine tree. I'm so cold... so alone... I cried... First it was silent tears, and then the pain became more pronounced and more real, and once silent tears became heavy, painful sobs. The more I cried, the more pain filled my heart, my lungs gasped for air, I can't breathe... I curled into the fetal position, the only comfort I had and could give myself... Crying takes your energy out of you... in fact, it's like your tears are your liquid energy, leaving you pain-filled body. I'm so tired, I cannot keep my eyes open anymore... and Sleep met me in the forest.
 
 
   
 

[Blog #239] --- Depressed --- [Friday] - Lonely...
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Dixie currently feels:
Smiley Depressed

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Blog #239
Lonely...

I wonder why my mam likes to lie and bend the truth just to upset me.
I had my heart set on Shelly staying over tonight, but mam's excuse for not letting her was: "Murrr, she stayed last week." - which is a TOTAL lie, as she hasn't stayed for over TWO weeks.
 
Normally I wouldn't have been as upset, but I'm not sure why this time depressed me so much. I was ever so lonely - and I told Shelly that I didn't want to talk to her on the phone. I'd rather have her here with me or just not at all. Talking to her on the phone would make me miss her more - but she didn't understand my reasoning so she got all pissy with me about it.
 
Christ's sake, you just can't fucking win.
 
 
 

   
No place like home
min 008.JPG hosted for free by ImageShack


About a year ago a puppy was dumped on the door step of my neighbor Becky. She was a cute little thing and Becky being the kindhearted person she is took her in , gave her the name "Minnie" and took care  of her.
Now Becky already had 3 dogs. Two lived inside and one old dog "Buddy" lived outside. Minnie stayed outside with Buddy and the two were best of friends. When she was old enough Becky had Minnie spade and she and Buddy were quite content.
But Buddy was very old and as the months went by his health began to deteriorate until one day he was gone and Minnie was alone.
Becky had tried to find a home for Minnie but was very particular about who adopted her and so though she had never intended to keep her a year had passed.
After Buddy's passing Minnie was no longer to stay outside alone and she began to climb the fence. Keeping her fenced became impossible so I brought her to my house to stay until we could find her a good home.
I have a big fenced in yard with and old outside dog and an inside dog.
My old dog Gabby took right up with Minnie and she has been very happy.
I love her very much and wish so much I could keep her but my husband has been laid off for 3 months and the future does not look promising. I can't afford to care for another dog, plain and simple.
I have a Christmas wish and that is to find Minnie a loving home.She is a miniature golden retriever...really. She weighs about 20lbs and looks like a retriever in the face , a retrievers coloring but the body of a Corgi...she is adorable!
Please help me send good thoughts and wishes for Minnie out into the cosmos that I will soon find a good , loving home for Minnie. Her beautiful face would melt your heart. She just wants to be loved.Thanks!
 
 
   
 

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