Ako @ MindSay

Kung sana dati pa ako umattend ng event... Pero hindi rin, ayos na din sigurong ngayon-ngayon lang kita napanuod baka by now ilang months na akong natotorture ng infatuation/admiration. Mahirap yun.

Tama ka, lahat nga dapat naglalabas ng sama ng loob, ng kalungkutan, ng kasiyahan, ng mga naiisip, ng mga karanasan. Yun naman ang pinaka purpose ng communication, to express. Binigyan nga tayo ng boses para magsalita, ng talento para nga naman i-express. Pero paano kung nahihiya ka? Paano kung gusto mo ngang mag express kaso may mga bagay na pumipigil sayo? Ang hirap magtagalog, nose bleed.

What if you have so much ideas and there are so many things you want to share but people around you do not want to listen. Or if they listen, that is with prejudice, all that will come out of your mouth will then sound nonsensical, pointless. I think I know your answer, it would be that if you want to express then be prepared for criticism. Be prepared to express some more, right? Express that anger. In a world that is full of vile people, all you need is a voice armed with a mind.

I live for literature. I live for writing, for expressing through letters and words and poems and short stories and essays and my blog. Since gradeschool I have always wanted to write though I know that my skills are mediocre. But yes, I would have to agree with you that there is that need to release what is inside. One can never count the diary entries I have written, my first livejournal and blogspot account. This very blog has been around for more than 5 years.

When I was in highschool, all I wanted to do is write for a magazine. I have all these ideas and I picture myself being an editor-in-chief of some sassy magazine. That was my biggest dream. However, when I entered College and decided to take up A.B. Literature and Literacy I found a better way to express. I found so much happiness in reading Ivan Turgenev's "First Love," in Shakespeare and Petrarch's poems, in Ophelia Dimalanta's narrative poems, in composing lyrics for songs, in writing free verse, in listening to fellow classmates, in reading Rilke, and admiring Gabriel Garcia Marquez, in reading societal problems and issues hidden in the beautiful novels of Arudhati Roy, Jhumpa Lahiri, Gish Jen. In discovering the fascinating themes of short stories by Bienvenido Santos and Haruki Murakami and Guy de Maupassant. In the power of literature to expose truths such as the Satanic Verses by Rushdie. In the power of literature to make one nauseas with love through Pablo Neruda's poems, Christopher Marlowe, Sir Walter Raleigh, Ben Jonson; to scare such as short stories of Edgar Allan Poe; to surpise such as that of Greene's; its power to stoke revolution such as Marx's and Hegel's writings; to entertain and express above all.

And yes like all of them,you have the ability to inspire.

Before I start, let me say a few things ... I am dead tired. I have been up from a kid running a fever. Then from saying in ER with a son who broke his hand (will tell you all about that -- quite amusing) all night & morning along. So, between all that ... needing sleep & this was going to be when I was going to crash. Until they decide to do this.

The mandatory FRG meeting was to make wives create AKO (Army email accounts) so they can access the new FRG web site. Because according to them "you cannot access the web site with out this an account." Funny, because I don't have an ako account but I can access it ... although I do have to be on AKO (Army Knowlegde Online) to do it. 

It was mandatory to make them create an account & to talk about earthquakes! They made the wives sit in front of a computer & create accounts ... plus listen how to survive an earthquake. WTF ... I found this out & needless to say I wanted heads on a platter.

1 ... I have spent countless nights up with a child who had a high grade fever. Without out time to sleep. Caring for him because my husband wasn't allowed time off to help.

2 ... Mandatory FRG meetings are give out IMPORTANT information. Such as dates of deployment, discussions of death ... not Bullshit like this.

I don't even have to continue my list, because that sums it up. I am still upset over this, in the last 2 days I have had less than 4 hours sleep. Because of these fools & their far less than intellegent minds I am going to have less than that in 3 days time! It was actually suggested that I sleep while my kids were in school ... except I have a child still at home who is still sick!!! (The "friends" I have are worthless, or they would know this.)

Unfortuantley I happen to be a responsable parent, I stay awake when my kids are home & awake ... & I try to wake up when they do. I know what can happen if you aren't there for a child, plus he's sick ... let's just try to use are head a little here. How on earth could you sleep when you have a sick child at home with you??

Oh ... If I get one more "call if you need anything" from that group ... I think I might just go homocidal. Because I did try calling when I needed some thing. "Yep we will be there" and we waited & waited ... til we realized we had gotten ignored & blown off. No, there were no apologies, but damn won't you know they called me for this & that the next GD day!! Funny, isn't it? I asked from help, got ignored after being told "we will be there" and they still have the nerve to call me for it the next day. Must take a lot of nerve ... either that or think I am pretty stupid.

I am going to clean my house, blow off this steam, but I had to vent it out. It is simply amazing what others will do & still claim to "be there for you" with a smile on. Gonna hurt them later ... after all I am the on who's always survived w/ out the gossip or bs during any deployment, not them. And I won't be here to help them. OUCH ...

5 Positive Things:

* I found 4 porcilin figurines that look like my children -- yep I got them. I will post them later, I have to down size the pics.

* I got my husband last Iraq photos off the wall & in a scrap book. (Yea for me!!!)

* Watched Jarhead it wasn't as bad as I though, but wasn't as good as it appeared. Pretty interesting for a Marine movie. (interesting to watch, may make you wonder though)

* I have gotten my boys to redo their room!!!! (I love them for it!)

* In my life I have taken more than 2 steps forward, with minor steps back ... yea for me.