Adoration @ MindSay

My heart is aching right now. It wants to be held.

 

I need someone to talk to but everyone is too close. Everyone.  I just want to express my love and desires.

I should be telling my boyfriend, but I dont know if he wants to hear that right now. Even tho he does.

 

I just miss him, and need him in my arms. If i think that i will go through this life without ever holding him, kissing him, loving him, I cry. I cry cry cry cry. I could cry all day if I couldnt stop those thoughts.

 

I just went for a healing, and my kundalini is rising, my sexual self is REALLY waking up, REALLY coming out. and it got stuck and im trying to make it go up and i just feel the energy brewing insiide of me.

 

 

Healing Notes

 

man in a shell, afraid to be a man, hides as a boy
wont come out to me, cant express feelings, wants to be in control but hes not when i voice
my desire. strangled.unable to speak.  spins the world on his finger....

fish man - hubby. will fill my belly, zones out while eating, wont hear me if i speak. Just as ravenous with my body and he is with food.

give me my son and my daughter, exact replicas of their parents.

 

Boyfriend

we will always be distant with intervals of physical closeness. we heal each other sexually and emotionally, and some how are sexually together when we're so far apart.

Kundalini rising, stuck in my solar plexus affecting my sexuality.

Fullfill our relationship to the fullest, because we need it, and we will leave healed, and fullfilled.

 

 

 

 

Even now i can feel my body asking, craving for sexual pleasure, sexual relief. Oh i want it.

I just want him to touch me, be within me, i just want to feel him entirely.

 

I love him so much. its painful to be parted. my mind torments me with pictures and scenarios.

 

Frig, i admit it. im horny and i want him and only him

I can sense change in the air for me,
I do not know what is about to happen to
me, but I know its happening, and I am a
little nervous.
I hope I meet a man, someone
who totally adores me for who I am, not
the sex or the money, because since people
found out I have money they really just try to
use me, like the last one, "I would come see
you but I don't have gas in my car, could
I borrow some money from you?" Gosh, I
really do not like people like that.
I also hope it is something exciting, like
a promotion or something like that.
I felt this feeling last week that something was
about to change, and now the feeling is
so strong.
I will let everyone know what that change is.

*random moment*
I hate my ex with a fiery passion. He keeps trying to
call me and shit telling me he is sorry for hitting me,
and he is going through counseling now for it, and
he would like me back, and I was like "well thats a
little difficult seeing as I am 4,000 miles away."
Ugh people never see what they have until it is gone.

My cat has always been a fabric snob. As a kitten I noticed she preferred silk and wool to synthetic fabrics. In fact one of her favorite things is a bulky green sweater with a large shawl collar. It’s one of my many “at home” sweaters and whenever I wear it she takes only 30-40 seconds to jump into my lap, start purring and biscuit making before she sniffs her way into kitty oblivion and falls asleep.

 

 

Because of this I don’t wash the sweater very often. I also have a knit cashmere robe that she adores and if I don’t hang it up she will seek it out for her favorite bed.  Well one of them. She also has an assortment of sheepskin beds and wool donuts I have made for her to nest in. this cat is not lacking in any of the creature comforts available to her kind. Well even to the human kind. How many cats that you know have a down duvet? Or silk chiffon hidey holes?

 

So yes, even with her toys she prefers expensive natural fibers. I make felted mice for her to wrestle and on the ends of wooden dowels I attach silk cords which float like bird feathers when I cast them through the air.  Maybe I have told you all  that she lacks the catnip gene but responds marginally dopey to the smell of honeysuckle and jasmine.  And then there is her infamous love of eggy pastries like waffles, French toast, pancakes. She even raided the kitchen one night and finished off two  and  a half marion berry empanadas. Two mornings ago I was making Vietnamese coffee for a breakfast treat and she ever so gently and femininely attacked some sweetened condensed milk dropped on the counter. 

 

In essence my cat has  many of the same tastes I have which sorta supports the idea that our pets grow to be like us. Or we like them. If abs could read would she like Henry James? Edith Wharton? Emily Dickinson?  Interesting thought but right now I have to go take  little nap. purrrrrr

today is the first anniversary of Abigail's adoption !!!  here she is waiting to play attack under her chiffon  plaything.

 

 

last night we watched the daVinci code. what a bomb, they totally messed up a really fun book.

plus I decided to put up a 9 feet winter solstice tree.