Adoptee @ MindSay 
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I have another blog on the InterTubes and I posted this last year. And I thought I'd post it here, too. Because I hope to meet him before I die. And there are aunts and uncles and cousins who want to meet him, too.
If you were adopted and born on 8/17/73, in Hinsdale, Illinois, you can get your original birth certificate from the state. And if, on that birth certificate, you see these names, Trojanowski or Trzos, then you can email me at <thebratland@yahoo.com>. I hope you find this site. I hope you email me. I'll be watching.
[The Boy, by the way, is a guy I met and lived with from 1998 to 2007.]
~August 17, 1973~
I am a mother.
OK... I'm a mother times TWO.
And maybe today is the day to talk about my first child. Because I have never hidden the fact that I had a child that I gave up for adoption.
When I first started talking to The Boy via Instant Messages, I told him about the fact that I had given a child [a boy] up for adoption when I was just a [wee] lassie.
Because when you've 'done that' you learn that some people think you are some kind of freak. I kid you not.
And before I became really good friends with The Boy I wanted to know right away if he thought I was some kind of freak.
He didn't.
So, we became friends.
You see, I never kept it a secret because I always wanted the child I gave birth to to be able to find me. And I foresaw the danger of keeping his existence a secret.
How would I have explained it to people otherwise?
That's not how I am.
If you want me, you take my baggage, too.
And I've been extremely blessed in that regard. I truly have not had one man walk out on me because of it. Either they are wonderful men, or [I'm rather more inclined to believe] I am an extraordinary woman.
Oh, yes I am.
But I digress.
Almost six years after giving birth to a boy, I gave birth to a daughter. And when she was old enough to really understand things, I let her know that I had given birth to a child with a different man and I had 'given him away' to people who could take care of him and give him things that I could not.
I must have done a superb job because my daughter never felt in danger of being 'given away' or abandoned, or any of that other shit that people tell you will happen to your kids.
My daughter is, at this writing, 28 years old. And if the boy I gave birth to knocked on my door tomorrow, no one in my life would say, "OH MY GOD YOU NEVER TOLD ME."
And The Boy would let him in and treat him like his own, or at least one of my family, and he would never raise an eyebrow.
And he would be happy for me.
Not that I lose sleep over this, folks. I don't.
While that baby was growing in my belly I kept telling myself that I was growing him for someone else because I KNEW that there was no way that I could give that child a decent life AT THE TIME.
And I knew, thanks to someone close to me [who shall remain nameless, although she knows who she is] that an adopted child is as loved as a child who is flesh and blood to the people adopting.
No, it wasn't an 'open adoption' although I knew the names of the people who adopted my child. [Notice I do not say 'my son'? I'll get back to that.]
When I got pregnant, I was a junior in high school. And BACK THEN, pregnant girls were not allowed to stay in school. So I didn't graduate high school.
Years later, when my daughter was a sophomore in high school, she was talking about dropping out of school, and I told her she couldn't.
And she said to me, "YOU DID!"
And although there were extenuating circumstances for me dropping out of school, I realized I had no excuse anymore.
So I got my G.E.D.
Then I got this crazy idea that maybe, just maybe, I COULD GO TO COLLEGE!
And I did.
Now, I'm not gonna get into college life except to say this: It got me onto the Interwebs. And I thought maybe, just maybe, I could put my info OUT THERE and make it easier for the child I had put up for adoption to find me.
And I've done that.
The bad part is that the really popular sites for adoptees looking for their birth parents are sites that make you pay a [hefty] yearly fee to keep your info on the site, and I've never been wealthy enough to be able to do that.
But I have found plenty of other sites and have 'registered' with them.
I just want to give him a chance if he is trying to find me.
Because there are, I'm sure, reasons to find me. Like the health history of his birth family.
But I don't call him My Son for a couple of reasons.
And some of those reasons are:
A mother is someone who changes your shitty diapers.
A mother is someone who sits up with you when you are sick and changes the sheets you puked on in the middle of the night.
A mother goes through the chicken pox with you.
A mother teaches you to tie your shoes.
A mother finds ways to teach you how to eat and like vegetables, even peas.
A mother cries when she sends you off to kindergarten.
A mother teaches you how to say "Daddy" when she would much rather you said "Mommy".
A mother delights in watching you roll over for the first time.
A mother lets you touch bugs.
A mother lets you taste dirt.
A mother gives you pots to bang on with spoons and thinks you make beautiful music.
A mother teaches you not to pull on the kitty's tail or bite the puppy's ears.
A mother holds you when you are hurt and kisses your boo-boos.
A mother looks at a crayon drawing and declares it is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen as she puts it on the refrigerator.
A mother exclaims that you are growing "like a weed".
A mother thinks dandelions are the most beautiful flowers EVER.
A mother sees you through graduations and proms and driving lessons and weird haircuts and pierced ears and wet dreams and periods and friends who are being mean to you.
A mother buries pets in the back yard with you and gives you ice cream afterwards.
I was never a Mother to the child I gave away.
I never did any of these things with the child who went away from me after I made sure he had all his fingers and toes and was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
And I may never meet him this side of Heaven, and I'm resigned to that. I don't get maudlin and get drunk over it.
But I will admit that sometimes, like tonight, I stop and say a prayer for him, wherever he is, and I say to God, "Oh, please, just let him be HAPPY."
Because when it comes down to it, isn't that all we want for our kids? All we want for those that we love?
I think it is.
And for that Someone who is Somewhere Out There, here's a birthday song for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSyRFLlYnWI
Because I Know You're Out There Somewhere.
Happy 34th birthday. I hope it's a great one for you.
.
If you were adopted and born on 8/17/73, in Hinsdale, Illinois, you can get your original birth certificate from the state. And if, on that birth certificate, you see these names, Trojanowski or Trzos, then you can email me at <thebratland@yahoo.com>. I hope you find this site. I hope you email me. I'll be watching.
[The Boy, by the way, is a guy I met and lived with from 1998 to 2007.]
~August 17, 1973~
I am a mother.
OK... I'm a mother times TWO.
And maybe today is the day to talk about my first child. Because I have never hidden the fact that I had a child that I gave up for adoption.
When I first started talking to The Boy via Instant Messages, I told him about the fact that I had given a child [a boy] up for adoption when I was just a [wee] lassie.
Because when you've 'done that' you learn that some people think you are some kind of freak. I kid you not.
And before I became really good friends with The Boy I wanted to know right away if he thought I was some kind of freak.
He didn't.
So, we became friends.
You see, I never kept it a secret because I always wanted the child I gave birth to to be able to find me. And I foresaw the danger of keeping his existence a secret.
How would I have explained it to people otherwise?
That's not how I am.
If you want me, you take my baggage, too.
And I've been extremely blessed in that regard. I truly have not had one man walk out on me because of it. Either they are wonderful men, or [I'm rather more inclined to believe] I am an extraordinary woman.
Oh, yes I am.
But I digress.
Almost six years after giving birth to a boy, I gave birth to a daughter. And when she was old enough to really understand things, I let her know that I had given birth to a child with a different man and I had 'given him away' to people who could take care of him and give him things that I could not.
I must have done a superb job because my daughter never felt in danger of being 'given away' or abandoned, or any of that other shit that people tell you will happen to your kids.
My daughter is, at this writing, 28 years old. And if the boy I gave birth to knocked on my door tomorrow, no one in my life would say, "OH MY GOD YOU NEVER TOLD ME."
And The Boy would let him in and treat him like his own, or at least one of my family, and he would never raise an eyebrow.
And he would be happy for me.
Not that I lose sleep over this, folks. I don't.
While that baby was growing in my belly I kept telling myself that I was growing him for someone else because I KNEW that there was no way that I could give that child a decent life AT THE TIME.
And I knew, thanks to someone close to me [who shall remain nameless, although she knows who she is] that an adopted child is as loved as a child who is flesh and blood to the people adopting.
No, it wasn't an 'open adoption' although I knew the names of the people who adopted my child. [Notice I do not say 'my son'? I'll get back to that.]
When I got pregnant, I was a junior in high school. And BACK THEN, pregnant girls were not allowed to stay in school. So I didn't graduate high school.
Years later, when my daughter was a sophomore in high school, she was talking about dropping out of school, and I told her she couldn't.
And she said to me, "YOU DID!"
And although there were extenuating circumstances for me dropping out of school, I realized I had no excuse anymore.
So I got my G.E.D.
Then I got this crazy idea that maybe, just maybe, I COULD GO TO COLLEGE!
And I did.
Now, I'm not gonna get into college life except to say this: It got me onto the Interwebs. And I thought maybe, just maybe, I could put my info OUT THERE and make it easier for the child I had put up for adoption to find me.
And I've done that.
The bad part is that the really popular sites for adoptees looking for their birth parents are sites that make you pay a [hefty] yearly fee to keep your info on the site, and I've never been wealthy enough to be able to do that.
But I have found plenty of other sites and have 'registered' with them.
I just want to give him a chance if he is trying to find me.
Because there are, I'm sure, reasons to find me. Like the health history of his birth family.
But I don't call him My Son for a couple of reasons.
And some of those reasons are:
A mother is someone who changes your shitty diapers.
A mother is someone who sits up with you when you are sick and changes the sheets you puked on in the middle of the night.
A mother goes through the chicken pox with you.
A mother teaches you to tie your shoes.
A mother finds ways to teach you how to eat and like vegetables, even peas.
A mother cries when she sends you off to kindergarten.
A mother teaches you how to say "Daddy" when she would much rather you said "Mommy".
A mother delights in watching you roll over for the first time.
A mother lets you touch bugs.
A mother lets you taste dirt.
A mother gives you pots to bang on with spoons and thinks you make beautiful music.
A mother teaches you not to pull on the kitty's tail or bite the puppy's ears.
A mother holds you when you are hurt and kisses your boo-boos.
A mother looks at a crayon drawing and declares it is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen as she puts it on the refrigerator.
A mother exclaims that you are growing "like a weed".
A mother thinks dandelions are the most beautiful flowers EVER.
A mother sees you through graduations and proms and driving lessons and weird haircuts and pierced ears and wet dreams and periods and friends who are being mean to you.
A mother buries pets in the back yard with you and gives you ice cream afterwards.
I was never a Mother to the child I gave away.
I never did any of these things with the child who went away from me after I made sure he had all his fingers and toes and was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
And I may never meet him this side of Heaven, and I'm resigned to that. I don't get maudlin and get drunk over it.
But I will admit that sometimes, like tonight, I stop and say a prayer for him, wherever he is, and I say to God, "Oh, please, just let him be HAPPY."
Because when it comes down to it, isn't that all we want for our kids? All we want for those that we love?
I think it is.
And for that Someone who is Somewhere Out There, here's a birthday song for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSyRFLlYnWI
Because I Know You're Out There Somewhere.
Happy 34th birthday. I hope it's a great one for you.
.
Adoptees ISO of Birth family reunion
Just by chance, if anyone on Mindsay is an adoptee ISO of birthfamily, I thought I'd include this link to my blogger blog. I know most of us Mindsayers are not particularly fond of blogger but if you are looking for some ideas in your search, I have posted some obvious and not so obvious thoughts on the subject. Blogger just fights ya every step of the way lately. I tried to edit losing changes like 3 times--I don't go through that here. But rather than post something twice--I thought I'd just include a link for those searching.
Besides, this is my backyard blog for my shindigging posts not my grand issues lol.
If you do venture that way and need anything pertaining to that blogger post--feel free to comment here or on my wiki page.
Besides, this is my backyard blog for my shindigging posts not my grand issues lol.
If you do venture that way and need anything pertaining to that blogger post--feel free to comment here or on my wiki page.
I was the victim of a closed adoption
I Have 4 brothers and a sister that I’ve never seen/met and don’t know if they even know about me. One of my half-brothers was born in 1951, one in 1952, and twin boys born in 1954; my half-sister was born in 1960. I was born in 1958. We all have the same mother and, if I’m not mistaken, including my birth father, who didn’t stick around, we have 3 different fathers.
Here’s what I know: My birth mother had her first baby when she was 19 - she married him and the next year had another boy. They soon divorced and she met and married the twins’ father presuming in 1953 because the twins were born in ‘54. Things seemed to be moving along until they divorced supposedly because of his drinking. However, the twins stayed with him. The two older boys were with her.
Evidently in late 1957, she met my birth father, also Portuguese. I’m guessing when she told him she was pregnant he disappeared. It is doubtful that he ever knew of my existence - he never saw me.
In this predicament, she decided to put me up for adoption. Right after I was born (in August of 1958), she reunited with the twins’ father, after retrieving the two older boys that she had let be placed in foster care through the Catholic Charities agency in Jacksonville. It is doubtful that they were ever told about me. She had my half-sister in 1960, with the twins’ father.
I often wonder what they look like. Since I am an “oddball” - not black, not white - other! I want to know what people who share some of the same genes as I have look like! I wonder if, when they got older, she finally confessed and told her children that they have another sibling somewhere in the world. If she did tell them, what did she tell them? From the sounds of it, she was in her 20’s and just having herself a good time sexually. Is that why she put me up for adoption? Because I was her bastard child? Why did she bring the two older boys into her new family - the twins and their father - yet, she didn’t want to keep me? If the 2nd husband accepted them, from another man, and supposedly loved her, why me? Or did he even know about me either? I think I read that he had a hard time reuniting with her, obviously because she was pregnant and didn’t want him to know. Has she lived with these secrets for these 48 years? It must be eating her up - or maybe not - maybe she never gave me another thought!
That is not my main concern though. I have siblings! My adoptive parents also adopted a boy, so I grew up with a “brother” - but, he looks nothing like me! There are at least 5 people out there who do! I could have seen them already and didn’t even know it. What if I had met and dated one of my half-brothers? Ewww!
But, I worry that I may cause a major upheaval. Perhaps they were never told of my existence. Me all of a sudden popping up could really destroy the image they have of our mother. I don’t care how she would react, but I am not trying to cause my siblings any pain. Just a photo of them would do! I suppose…? I find it very difficult to muster up any sympathy for this woman. I don’t think there is ANY explanation for what she did. None! I don’t even want to hear it. I’m 48 - I’m too old to be lied to by her. In fact, I’m inclined to “let” her see me from afar and that’s all. She gave up her rights freely to me.
You would think it ought to be fairly easy to find them though. I mean, how many twin boys could have possibly been born in 1954 that are at least half of Portuguese descent? Assumedly they were born in Jacksonville too. I have no idea how to begin tracking them down. At one time, I contacted a search company, but they wanted thousands of dollars for a “maybe we’ll locate them” - I’m not rich! So, I’m hoping one day either they’ll try to find me, or I’ll hit the lottery, or I’ll find out how to track them down myself .
Got any suggestions? I realize my story is common - all adoptees have the same thoughts and feelings. I just felt like sharing - just in case you hear about them looking for me! Or if you have run across this family of 4 boys & a girl, 2 boys are twins and they all are at least half Portuguese - I assume they have dark brown hair and eyes like me, and have medium (olive) complexions. Keep a look out for me!
I don’t mean to brag (yes, I do!) but I was a gorgeous little baby! Did she see me? They must have taken me away as soon as I popped out! There’s no way a normal person could have looked at that cute little girl with the beautiful round brown eyes and that adorable head of dark brown hair. I mean to tell you, I was cute! Luckily, I was only in the “orphanage” for 78 days - I was born on August 14th, 1958 and my adoption was final on October 31st, 1958! And I’ve had a wonderful life! My new parents loved me to the point of spoiling me rotten! I KNOW THEY wanted me.
I am TOTALLY AGAINST closed adoptions. It is extremely damaging and scarring to the child. Closed adoptions are meant to protect the privacy of the birth mothers. Selfish, isn’t it?! How dare these women deny us our history? How dare they prevent us from learning our genealogy? How dare they deny us access to our medical and psychological backgrounds? How do they sleep at night knowing the rejection and negative issues they have inflicted upon their children - children they were too selfish and foolish to care for? Closed adoptions cannot spare them from the shame. Closed adoptions - secret adoptions - ought to be illegal!
I Have 4 brothers and a sister that I’ve never seen/met and don’t know if they even know about me. One of my half-brothers was born in 1951, one in 1952, and twin boys born in 1954; my half-sister was born in 1960. I was born in 1958. We all have the same mother and, if I’m not mistaken, including my birth father, who didn’t stick around, we have 3 different fathers.
Here’s what I know: My birth mother had her first baby when she was 19 - she married him and the next year had another boy. They soon divorced and she met and married the twins’ father presuming in 1953 because the twins were born in ‘54. Things seemed to be moving along until they divorced supposedly because of his drinking. However, the twins stayed with him. The two older boys were with her.
Evidently in late 1957, she met my birth father, also Portuguese. I’m guessing when she told him she was pregnant he disappeared. It is doubtful that he ever knew of my existence - he never saw me.
In this predicament, she decided to put me up for adoption. Right after I was born (in August of 1958), she reunited with the twins’ father, after retrieving the two older boys that she had let be placed in foster care through the Catholic Charities agency in Jacksonville. It is doubtful that they were ever told about me. She had my half-sister in 1960, with the twins’ father.
I often wonder what they look like. Since I am an “oddball” - not black, not white - other! I want to know what people who share some of the same genes as I have look like! I wonder if, when they got older, she finally confessed and told her children that they have another sibling somewhere in the world. If she did tell them, what did she tell them? From the sounds of it, she was in her 20’s and just having herself a good time sexually. Is that why she put me up for adoption? Because I was her bastard child? Why did she bring the two older boys into her new family - the twins and their father - yet, she didn’t want to keep me? If the 2nd husband accepted them, from another man, and supposedly loved her, why me? Or did he even know about me either? I think I read that he had a hard time reuniting with her, obviously because she was pregnant and didn’t want him to know. Has she lived with these secrets for these 48 years? It must be eating her up - or maybe not - maybe she never gave me another thought!
That is not my main concern though. I have siblings! My adoptive parents also adopted a boy, so I grew up with a “brother” - but, he looks nothing like me! There are at least 5 people out there who do! I could have seen them already and didn’t even know it. What if I had met and dated one of my half-brothers? Ewww!
But, I worry that I may cause a major upheaval. Perhaps they were never told of my existence. Me all of a sudden popping up could really destroy the image they have of our mother. I don’t care how she would react, but I am not trying to cause my siblings any pain. Just a photo of them would do! I suppose…? I find it very difficult to muster up any sympathy for this woman. I don’t think there is ANY explanation for what she did. None! I don’t even want to hear it. I’m 48 - I’m too old to be lied to by her. In fact, I’m inclined to “let” her see me from afar and that’s all. She gave up her rights freely to me.
You would think it ought to be fairly easy to find them though. I mean, how many twin boys could have possibly been born in 1954 that are at least half of Portuguese descent? Assumedly they were born in Jacksonville too. I have no idea how to begin tracking them down. At one time, I contacted a search company, but they wanted thousands of dollars for a “maybe we’ll locate them” - I’m not rich! So, I’m hoping one day either they’ll try to find me, or I’ll hit the lottery, or I’ll find out how to track them down myself .
Got any suggestions? I realize my story is common - all adoptees have the same thoughts and feelings. I just felt like sharing - just in case you hear about them looking for me! Or if you have run across this family of 4 boys & a girl, 2 boys are twins and they all are at least half Portuguese - I assume they have dark brown hair and eyes like me, and have medium (olive) complexions. Keep a look out for me!
I don’t mean to brag (yes, I do!) but I was a gorgeous little baby! Did she see me? They must have taken me away as soon as I popped out! There’s no way a normal person could have looked at that cute little girl with the beautiful round brown eyes and that adorable head of dark brown hair. I mean to tell you, I was cute! Luckily, I was only in the “orphanage” for 78 days - I was born on August 14th, 1958 and my adoption was final on October 31st, 1958! And I’ve had a wonderful life! My new parents loved me to the point of spoiling me rotten! I KNOW THEY wanted me.
I am TOTALLY AGAINST closed adoptions. It is extremely damaging and scarring to the child. Closed adoptions are meant to protect the privacy of the birth mothers. Selfish, isn’t it?! How dare these women deny us our history? How dare they prevent us from learning our genealogy? How dare they deny us access to our medical and psychological backgrounds? How do they sleep at night knowing the rejection and negative issues they have inflicted upon their children - children they were too selfish and foolish to care for? Closed adoptions cannot spare them from the shame. Closed adoptions - secret adoptions - ought to be illegal!
Holllllly shit y'all
As some of you know I am adopted.
I found my maternal grandmother and she was more than happy to hear from me. :) I called her today and we talked and talked, she hasn't had any contact with my birth mother due to her drug use. But I'm happy I did what I did. Apparently I have a brother out there somewhere too.
Wow.
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