Adopted @ MindSay 
Interviews were conducted with 2,098 urban mothers from the Fragile Families And Child Wellbeing study. The children involved in the study had been born between 1998 and 2000 and were five years old when the most recent interview was conducted.
Some professionals in the field believe that it would be scientifically erroneous to apply this study's findings to all family dynamics in which a stepfather is present.
Sydney psychologist Grant Brecht said, "There is no reason why stepfathers cannot make incredibly good parents and they may be more attentive. But I think you have to look at it case by case."
Lawrence Berger of the University of Wisconsin-Madison, the study's author, said that mothers who participated in the study were more likely to have similar parenting perspectives with their children's stepfathers than their biological fathers.
In addition, the stepfathers too were more open about discussing their wants and needs as parental figures for the adopted child.
Stepfathers need to make the extra effort to blend in with the family and to feel useful as a parent. That additional level of concern translates to a greater interest in parenting. But biological fathers should still work on being strong influences in their children's lives as well. The ideal is for children to be surrounded by as many loving and caring people as possible to contribute to their healthy development.
Been writin a bit about my son.
Got a call from my ex-wife last week. She told me that my youngest from her has been runnin away and doin what kids do when they run away. I'm scared for her. She's just 14. I haven't seen her since she was 6 months old. She has no idea that I think of her constantly... And there is a twelve year old restraining order against me from my ex. Even if I was asked to intervene I legally could not.
I hired a twenty year old helper. His dad left years ago, like when the kid was 12 or something. I dont know about his dad or what he thinks. All I know is that if I could change things and make it better I would. Even for him.
I wish I could tell them, all of three of them, and my new wifes daughter from her first also, I wish I could somehow let them know how much I care and want good things for them.
If you are out there and searching for me, I am here and I will listen first. If I can at all help you, my children, I will.
1: You are on your own.
In an independent international adoption, the heavy lifting is the sole responsibility of the parents since there is no agency offering guidance or expertise. Interested parents need to request a home study from a licensed adoption agency or a local social worker. After this step, you would work independently to acquire the required documents in your home country (for the U.S., the Citizenship and Immigration Service or USCIS, formerly the INS) and for the foreign judicial system where you are seeking to adopt a child.
You will also need to find a lawyer or agency in that country that will connect you with a child and then take the trip to obtain responsibility for the child and the corresponding documentation for the adoption, passport, and visa.
2: You have to work across cultures.
If you are interested in independent international adoption, you must be patient and flexible when navigating the legal system of another country. You need to become familiar with the regulations for the governmental and adoption agencies involved in the process. The key is to be informed and research the countries you are considering and their adoption practices to determine the best match for you.
3: There are more risks involved.
When dealing with an adoption outside the United States, there are more unknown factors and therefore more prospective dangers. If you are not working directly with a recognized licensed agency then you may face the possibility of working with a local lawyer or missionary who will find you a child but not be able to obtain the necessary documents needed for the international adoption to be considered legal.
Other possible hazards include potential - although unintended - involvement in the illegal adoption market, the falsification of the child's medical and personal documents, a breach of the confidentiality of your medical and personal information, and the loss of money in an adoption scam.
4: The restrictions are tightening.
Many countries are keeping a closer watch on their international adoption policies. The result is that it has become harder to adopt a child abroad. In 2006, China was the most popular country for U.S. foreign adoptions. As a response to the increased interest, in May 2007, China imposed restrictive policies for the profile of potential adoptive families. The laws and regulations for independent international adoption are evolving so do your part to know what's current in the countries where you are considering adoption.
Bringing home an older adopted child for the first time requires care. The first few weeks, especially, are crucial. Your approach during this time will significantly impact the relationship your adopted child will share with his or her new family. Here are some tips to help you:
• Prepare your children in advance: If you already have children, it is important that you talk to them about the new arrival in advance. Prepare them on how they should interact with the adopted child.
• Distribute chores and duties: Participating in household chores and duties will help your adopted child integrate with your family. It will also help prevent any resentment in your children.
• Adapt to your adopted child's needs: Many older children who have been placed in foster care may have a history of neglect or abuse and may be averse to display of intimacy or touch. It is important that you respond sensitively to your adopted child's needs by finding other ways to interact.
• Help your adopted child explain himself to peers: Adopted children are often at a loss to explain their relationship with their foster family to friends and peers. Telling the truth may attract unnecessary attention or even teasing or bullying. Help your adopted child know exactly how much of the truth to reveal.
• Assert your role as parent: Establish your role as the parent right from day one. While this may seem difficult, it is important that you combine love with firmness and lay down rules for your child to follow. This is especially important with older kids.
Your parenting styles are likely to impact the way your child grows up. Being responsive to your children, and at the same time, setting clear rules and limits, is crucial for you as a parent.
Ok... so I found a website with community forums today to Staten Island, NY... and after speaking with my mom, she gave me a brief window of opportunity to ask a few questions and this time I wasnt driving, so I could write the info down!
What I learned:
He is in his late 50's or early 60's
He owned a video store ( hum... self employed "gene" must come from him!)
I found out the name of the community that he lived in, and where his parents lived
Mom told me that his parents lived over a store, and she remembered the street number and everything...when I googled it, it shows a deli there now. But it doesnt list the apartments. I would be very FAT ( wait, i am!, lol) living over a deli!
So, I put a couple blasts on 3 of the forums on Staten Island, one on general, one on a nostalgia and one in the community where he owned the video store.
Maybe.. maybe someone will see it that is familiar with it. Maybe even him himself.
Worth a shot anyhow!
Have a good day, I am off to the library to pick up a book that I requested, then to the office to take messages, and then study for a bit. :)
Dawn
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