A Door Opens @ MindSay

Well today I didn't so too much. Went to NJ to pick up my brother. It was a long ride though, but otherwise it was alright. Um...After I got home I ate dinner...then went outside and skateboarded at like 6:30, it was really dark, but I did it anyways. Then my dad's friend came over for a little, I was busy putting wood in the bucket of the tractor, then driving it around front toward my garage...It was fun though lol. But I almost like crashed into trees && stuff lol, I can't wait to see how I'll be in a car lmfaoo. Well thats like about it so im gunna leave now.

             -Mary

               I <3 Kyle

S74LK3R N474L13: which btw, i had several insidents happen today for me when i was collecting signatures for my dad
Cato94536: ?
S74LK3R N474L13: 3 actuily worth remembering
S74LK3R N474L13: first ones funny as sin
S74LK3R N474L13: ok, imagin me in a white trench coat, white dress pants, and a light pink shirt.... a clipboard, and papers
S74LK3R N474L13: walking around knocking door to door for signatures
S74LK3R N474L13: sample1: I walk upto a door and knock. I hear a quick russle onthe inside, and heavy footsteps with random soundsof glass reaking
S74LK3R N474L13: next thing i knew is i heard a cardoor or two in the back... i figured it was a neighors car
S74LK3R N474L13: sext thing i knew,i  see smoke with a red lur in it suddenly shooting out of the driveway and dorwn the road
S74LK3R N474L13: i was like "O_o;;; woooah... that... was cool...... wouldve been even cooler if it didnt happen to me"
Cato94536: lol
S74LK3R N474L13: :P
S74LK3R N474L13: ok, second one. Me and james walks upto a duplex appartment house. James is in a lack suit and all. Im walking next to him and i look to the twin doors i say "ok, you get the red curtain, i get the whiteone"
S74LK3R N474L13: soon as we both took a step on the porch and james is aout to knock, a black dog suddenly jumps outta nowhere and rips the red curtain down, shredding it as it arks like mad at the door
S74LK3R N474L13: james almost fell ack forgetting a door was in the way, and i stood there laughing half choking up "well what WAS a red curtain"
Cato94536: lol
S74LK3R N474L13: he was there teasing the dog, waving his hand in front of the plastic barrior, watching the dog slam his head in the doorway
S74LK3R N474L13: and im usting on the pourch
S74LK3R N474L13: thank god no one was home, co sthey'd see how stupid we looked :P
S74LK3R N474L13: did that for aout 2 min and left :P
S74LK3R N474L13: last one. I goto this guys house... and i could tell he is a druggo by his standing and all
S74LK3R N474L13: "hello, are you a registured voter...?" "*smokes a ug and lows it out pondering* Ehhh....nawwww..... my wife is, there she is now"
S74LK3R N474L13: and i look ehind me and see a red pickup barrel downteh street witha  kid surfing in the bed
S74LK3R N474L13: O_o;;
S74LK3R N474L13: "shes'll e here in a sec" the guy said "oooookaaaayyy............"
S74LK3R N474L13: then i try and converse with him till she comes back. He eventuily went ans asked "Wel--why ya dressed up fur?" "no idea.. i was requested of it"
S74LK3R N474L13: "Frickn, walking door to door and knockign like that, people would think your a perole officer"
S74LK3R N474L13: XD
Cato94536: lol
S74LK3R N474L13: so yea, we poked fun at that, and the papers and all aout me looking like im truble, and then here comes the wife
S74LK3R N474L13: guy thenyells and says "hey hon, your eprole offers here"
S74LK3R N474L13: and she took it seriously, she gotten wide eyed and all, started backing away slightly :P
Cato94536: lol
S74LK3R N474L13: till he said he was joking
S74LK3R N474L13: got her sig though, that was cool
S74LK3R N474L13: but thats it for todays adventures

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Anyone wanna give me a keyboard? My "B" is almost dead

FUN TIMES AND NOODLE SALAD...Indeed!

lol man today was crazy...I was sick and I couldn't go to church, which bummed me out. Cause I haven't hung out with Ame bob in a while, and I miss that girl like a lost kid misses his mom.Yeah not so much.  lol that was random. Well I thought I wasn't gonna have anything to do. Then Blake, Jayson, Timma, Julez, Jana, Paula, and Spence came over to cheer me up and take me out ridin in the country. LoL what a weird experience.

......::::::RECAP::::::........

*Ding Dong*

"Go away Timma I don't want any soup!"

"Let us in!!!" (says like 50 voices)

"ughhhh!" (walks to the door)

(door opens)

"YOUR COMMING WITH US!!"

I get dragged to the trucks.

"Wow guys thanks, now does anyone have a cell phone so I can call the police and report MY KIDNAPPING!!!"

NO (everyone shouts)

*riding along 15th st. go way out to the bow jacks and turn on a random dusty road*

"Yesss I just love what dust does to my allergies"

Spencer- Riiighhhttt

*truck stops* *sees a picnic set up*

"Ummm"

HAPPY ALMOST BIRTHDAY!!! (everyone shouts)

see this is why I love my friends..kudos guys!

livin life in the fast lane,

nikki

Last night I dreamt that mom and I arrived at home only to see our door ajar. Mom handed me a can of baked beans as a defense; she was wielding a soapy frying pan. We looked all through the house for the intruder, but he was nowhere to be found. Then I saw a dark whisp of smoke sliding out from under my brother, Andy's, door. I pushed the door open, but no one was there, and there wasn't a fire. So I sniffed around a bit, checking under his bed, and in his closet. When I pushed the closet door open I was surprised to find a brick wall. It was about three feet high, and parts of it were tumbled down. Behind the wall was an old asian man, mumbling to himself and trying to light a fire-cracker. He introduced himself as "Leprechaun" ((that was his last name)), and explained to me that he was attempting to burn down my house.

I don't remember much else.. but somehow I began to train as his apprintice or something.. I dunno.

There was also another dream involving a party at my house, but it was much more unpleasent.

My mom is yelling at me to get off the internet - "Hurry up, Jacqueline, there're things to do around the house!"

Yeah.. and no one even thanked me or commented on the cleanliness I bestowed upon the kitchen.. it was a wreak. Ah, I never get the praise I deserve.. ah , well.

<3 and peace,

.Cap'n.

Monday, May 2, 2005

I wanted to go out today but just couldn't. So many factors fed into my fears that it all became to intense. I have such a cool life and it could be so, so much cooler if I could just overcome these fears. I spent time reading and inventorying my collections which is a never ending job. I really don't mind being alone ...Its just sometimes I wish I could just get out of here for a while. I watched SAW and I, Robot this afternoon. SAW was conceived out of someone's sick imagination...cool but very twisted.  I also have the City of Margate on my ass for would you believe dead grass! Yup Dead Grass. They went as far as to put an $8000.00 lien against my house . But the City doesn't know who they are dealing with. I my friend am their worst nightmare. A educated, single white male who is somewhat confined to his house and has a DSL Internet connection. You would not believe the information that's out there and the trouble you can cause with it if you know what you are doing. I am on disability and had a major insurance company drop to their knees after trying to pull a fast one on this guy. In an attempt to be user and customer friendly corporate sites list board members and department heads email addresses. A few key strokes and a cover copy to EVERYONE, everyday you get your point across quickly. Bury them in paper. Fill those inboxes to the brim. its 2:00 and I am feeling very anxious. I have like 5 projects started and doing none of them. And I really need to. So many things are very important. Each and every one is just so overwhelming. I also want to start shooting again photography that is. I found a site that will host in a gallery setting, take orders for different sizes, print and ship directly to the customer and send out a commission check every month. I have 1000's of photographs. I was the official photographer for the Air and Sea show 10 years ago. My photos were on the cover of the Sun Sentinel and the Miami Herald. I was also the photographer for Zambelli Fireworks, freelanced for the Miami Arena, Pro player stadium, Sun fest, Coconut grove art festival and the list goes on. That does not include the 100's of movie sets and on location shoots I did over the years. I really should get off my ass and just set it up and see if the money rolls in. The photographs are magazine quality, and I won't ask much.

So many things to get done. I get depressed just thinking about it all. What I need is help. Someone to push me, help me get started and organized. That would be a blessing. When all you have is time to worry ...that's all you end up doing. I am hoping this blog and the fact I am externalizing will help me. Up until now I had no reference from day to day. This will allow me to see sides of myself I otherwise would not see. How I am feeling now is soon forgotten when my mood changes. Putting my life on paper to reflect on will allow me to see the many moods of me and hopefully how to best deal with them. Like for instance when my meds are working or I think they are and when they are not. I am on like 6 meds a day. Bouncing up and down off one wall against another. Up one minute, down  the next. It just occurred to me that documenting these changes can be a major advantage. I am sure looking at the big picture there are patters and triggers things that can help me grow, capitalize and learn. Suddenly there is hope. This is a good thing. For the first time I can understand what was totally perceived as random, uncontrolled feelings and emotions. This could put some meaning and order to what I feel and what's to happen next. By knowing I can anticipate the fear and try to overcome it, before it overcomes me. I feel strong.

Monday May 2, 2005 2:49AM