Am posting this for you. Sabi mo nga, nandito ang favorite line mo. :)
Miss you miss me
I am missing you but I can never quantify how much.It’s not akin to knowing that a jewelry is a 24-karat gold – I don’t think there is a machine out there that can measure emotions, too much of it or the lack thereof.I know not if there is anything that can measure what is inside one’s heart.A lifetime ago, I had read a poem written by a Chinese poet who said that the heart of a man is deeper than the sea because when the tide subsides, you can see what is hidden underneath but until the moment the man dies, no one can ever know what is inside his heart.Simply said but it tells so much truth.If you cannot fathom what is inside one’s heart, how can you ever measure it? It simply is immesureable.Just like how I am missing you at this moment.Even in the middle of a tension-filled workplace, I glimpse memories of you, teasing me.From certain words I see on emails to things around me: the Winnie the pooh box where I have some paper to write on, colored pens remind me of your creativity, emoticons, lyrics of a song – why do you have to be everywhere? You are one tough customer that keeps on knocking at my unconscious even when I am in deep slumber.Is there any place where you can’t go?
I'm still here, I don't come by much because the attachment is almost gone... I am on facebook, so if you want to keep in touch, I am at facebook.com/nicholeo5145 I do miss some of you, you know who you are...
Fuck happy people. Fuck you. Fuck all of you and your stupid happiness.
Oh you poor thing, you got your first C+ in 3 years of university. I JUST FAILED A COURSE AND GOT A D- in another. FUCK YOU. Oh, and you also have had a steady loving boyfriend for... 3 years? Who you just got a place with. Yeah I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place with the guy I love, being stressed for an entire year. DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT STRESS. Oh, and you also got the job of your dreams for the summer, relating to what you're studying. And you got a new Ipad. Yea, SO MUCH AWESOMENESS. For you. Fuck you.
And you, just got a new place with your boyfriend of a year, too. And you complain about being too stressed, not having enough time to spend with him. WELL AT LEAST YOU HAVE HIM. you said you almost had a breakdown when he left for the weekend, once. WELL WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF HE LEFT? What would you do without him, if you had him, and he started pushing you away? No more loving support. No one to lean on. How would you deal with that, huh? Fuck you.
And to all my other friends who've been with the same person since high school, when I've been dropped twice, with no explanation. FUCK YOU.
Oh, and my two friends who just got married. Fuck you, too.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING HAPPINESS
because clearly, I don't deserve to be happy.
I give up on trying to be happy. I put out all my effort and this is what I get. To watch you all be happy.
ALL I DO IS COPE. That's all my life ever is, is coping. Distracting myself from the terrible PAIN of living. Of trying. I want to live.
And I can't even cope. I've been sick since November and can;t exercise, can't eat without feeling sick. Can't sleep without being woken up multiple times. Can't sing without starting to gag.
Life disgusts me. I have never hated life as much as I do now. And you. you and your happiness! Do you care? No. You don't need to talk to me, because you are happy. You have things to do. You have a significant other to take care of, you have to go be loved and spend time with them!
I hate you! I hate all of you! I hate life. Life is disgusting. If this is life, I don't want any part of it and I'm backing out.