College @ MindSay

Oh man...I seriously had a holy shit moment today during class.

So I started classes at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh with a major in Advertising this monday. Well I had my first Drawing by Observation class today at 8am. I'm thinking okay we're probably not going to do anything much just like all the other classes...talk a bit about what we'll be doing and what to buy blah blah blah. However, this was not the case...he wanted us to draw some apples, knowing fully well that it was an entry level class, half of the students were photography majors, so what did he expect from us? I'm thinking oh crap, it's 8am...I'm a zombie right now, how will I ever do this.

So I get started and it's pretty rough, sketchy like at first. Then after 30 minutes I was surprised at what I was drawing....So almost 2 hours go by and I'm three-quarters of the way done and he gives us a 15 minute smoke break. So we all leave and enjoy our smokez...When I come back my sketchpad is missing. lyk wtf?

So he begins by saying "I walked around to check your progress and I pulled a couple of examples I'd like to show you all." And that's when I felt my heart stop for a full second. All I could think was "oh shit, he's gonna hold my pad up and say 'Here's what I don't want to see' and then I'm gonna die of embarassment."

So he holds up the first one some guy did, and it was pretty sweet. A little bigger than his actual still life, but really good. Then he holds up some girls and says some stuff about her shading. And now I'm really worried that he's going to use mine as the ultimate comparison of good work, bad work.

He holds mine up and says "This, this is what I'm looking for."

And then I thought I shit myself a brick.

He said "The composition is perfectly balanced, the core shadow and difussed shadows are perfect. The apples are fully detailed and correctly sized. You can even see the small knicks and cuts on the table they're sitting on. This is an excellent example of a still life."

Then he hands back the sketches to all three of us so everyone can see who drew what...

Firstly, I'm flabbergasted, red faced, totally embarassed....yet seriously, seriously happy. Then he walked around for another 20 minutes giving everyone pointers and tips. The girl sitting next to me asked me to help, I tried but to be honest, I have no fucking clue how I drew that still life so well...hahaha. I'm serious. This is honestly the first thing I've ever actually put half an effort into. After class I even told my instructor. I was like "Look, this is seriously the first thing I've ever really put an effort into, and I hope it's not a fluke. Is there anything you can suggest me to practice and build this skill?"  So he showed me some practices in the book and even told me to join the drawing club.

Overall today, I'm still smiling inside....but just a little ;)

    A new year greets a new diary.  Not that I was so up to date with the last  attempt at creating an online diary.  What does it mean when somebody puts their private thoughts and expressing themselves freely in a diary...but the diary is in a public place?  Am I trying to validate my feelings by having readers (not that there are readers currently or possibly ever) say that I'm right and the opposing party is wrong? If a word was ever so appropriate at this moment it is, "Whatever".
      This is my senior year, it's semi-hilarious because when you become a high school senior everybody asks the same questions of you: "How's senior year going?"; "Are you excited to graduate"; "Where do you think you want to go to school?"; "What do you want to be?" It would be hypocritical of me to say that I am bothered by this line of questioning, I ask my classmates the same thing. I want to be a writer/photographer/ teacher/ lover/ revolutionary.  I'm sure it will be a long and complicated journey. The problem lies with the lover.
    Virgin I am. Boy/Girlfriendless I am. Loving of everyone, I am not.  There are just those people that in life you cannot bring yourself to like, never mind love. There are days when I hate everyone, including my nearest and dearest.  All I want to do is scream, hurt and damage everyone else until they are as angry and miserable as I am. I did lose it in school once, not badly though I just started to cry. It was during advisory and I was immensely frustrated and angry with this woman at my work. I'm not going to go into details because I've put too much effort into putting it behind me. Luckily, the only people in the room were my favorite teacher, hereafter known as Sensei, and two of my best friends,  Teddy (after Teddy Roosevelt, although she is a girl.  She's political (conservative, and that's why she is not FDR) and likes horses) and Charlie Brown (because...he is a Charlie Brown).  Obviously these are aliases to protect their anonymity. 
    Teddy has been having trouble with stress levels as well, on top of that her parents are at least twice as hard on her as mine are on me.  I couldn't yell and be mad at her because she doesn't need that right now.  Charlie Brown, he is the type that has been through so much shit that nothing bothers him.  I can take out a lot of frustration on him with rants and a cold shoulder, because he is the least likely out of my friends to take it personally.
    I have to visit colleges.  NYU and Bard are my top choices at this moment.  I don't believe that I am smart enough to make it in but I have to at least try,otherwise I'd hate myself forever.  I've finished with the SAT reasoning tests, I can't put myself through it anymore.  I got a 1650 the first time and I don't find out my scores until October 23rd.
    On top of that I have a job after school. I take care of a little boy, Angel.  He has Angelman syndrome but that is not the real reason of his pseudonym, he is a light in my life.  A bright, shining sun in an otherwise gray climate. I go to a preschool and I get to play with him, teach him how to walk and hug him and just be happy for two and a half hours. Unfortunately, I get crap pay. Also something has been going strangely with my paychecks, I'm waiting for the next one to arrive before I do anything to make sure.
     So...school, college applications, work and I'm directing a show for the drama club this year. I have to prepare for that. 

And on top of everything else, it's school spirit week. Can you think of anything more irritating?

Thanks Life, you harsh bitch.

Started classes yesterday, but that's not the problem. I don't feel like getting into it right now. I'm tired of complaining...ready for something good to come, whether it wants to or not.

life has handed me another lemon, and my thoughts turn to job. i'm not much of a bible-beater, but the story of job always stuck with me, and now i know why. you see, job is god's little insurance policy. whenever we well-intentioned folk wring our hands and tear our tresses in despair, he unfurls his retractable pointer, taps a poster of job, and throws some generic one-liner our way. can't have it all, kid. nobody ever said it would be easy. nice guys finish last.

if you aren't versed in apocryphal happenings, allow me to paraphrase: after losing his love and his livelihood, job accosted the heavens: "why, god, why have you taken everything i love away from me when i've done everything righteously?" and god said, "because i can. and now i can make an example of you." and it's that very example i follow.

funny the guy's name is job because i can't seem to find a job for which i can respect myself nowadays. adorned with all the accolades to nowhere--summa cum laude, phi beta kappa, teach for america, et cetera et cetera--i will saunter fearlessly day in and day out into a cafe and assume the title of "barista" with flawless italian inflection. baby hipsters in oversized sunglasses will inquire, "so um, how did you get a job here?"

i will dangle that one-page application above their self-cut heads of greasy hair and relate my tale. they will likely leave mid-telling, but like that of job, my story awaits a devoted hearing. for, if not to educate, what point do our silent sufferings serve?

and here i am--your sardonic nomad--stumbling across your lcd screen. in pixels i'll convey through retrospect each rejection incurred as promise ripened and rotted to ridiculousness. please enjoy (because, you know, it's been so fun for me.)

i've completed my article, managed to take my

98% average to 92%, prayed for God to let

professor foreman grade on a curve at the end

of the semester, attended the IHS homecoming,

and had my hopes unintentionally dashed, again!

 

all in the name of love and the pursuit of happiness.

 

homecoming was another football let down from

someone close to home; hmm, big shocker? i

think not.  but then the dance, which surprisingly

enough did not intimidate me at all, went really

well.  aside from the fact that i was surrounded

by 14-18 year olds all "dancing" and by dancing

i mean it appeared to be that they were just

having sex with clothes on. no joke. especially

garrett, my goodness, decency people, decency.

 

you should have seen the looks kyler got, that

alone was so worth going. he can't dance, but

then again, there are few men that can. i saw

grant and ryan just bustin' it out up in front, but

they're the exception: they borderline on being

gay because they love themselves so much. so

of course they dance well. all in all, i met some

funny people and danced with some of my girl's

from work. that sarah r is so funny! we were

doing an interpretive dance to hey there delilah.

oh my goodness, it was so funny! and marylynn

just stared at us. but anyway, we had fun. i had

fun. kyler had fun. it was fun! and it sure wiped

away the not-so-fun events of the game.

 

things are alright, in a roller coaster sort of way.

i'm figuring out that being comfortable with the

way my life is, isn't the way things should be. i

need to get uncomfortable, step out side of the

boundaries of my comfort zone and do some-

thing right for a change.

 

and that, that is my weekend. oh, and i forgot

to mention a gross lack of sleep.

 

that all.