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tired
We Smoke The Bones of Baby Dolls
My mind is drawing a blank. All I can think of are pictures. I'm thinking IN pictures. Pictures. Images. Thoughts. Reality. Mind.
I write things down to remember. I write things down so I won't forget. I write things down so I won't forget to remember. It's possible.
It's easier not to care. Sometimes I wish I was still depressed. It was easier. Reminds me of...
DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY
"So. this is how it feels to die? But it's okay. Yeah, everything's okay."
I can't paint anything anymore. I can't draw anymore. I mean - it's there, I have the ability, but nothing comes to my head anymore. I can't even listen to music and just paint or draw what I feel anymore. What medium do I use now? Photography is too easy. Am I destined to make shitty blog entries for the rest of my life? Everything has been done before. Maybe I'll try writing again. Or am I destined to continue writing fuckass haiku poems on my cell phone to pass time? Abusing the body is a boring art form. My scars will tell you that. All I can do is trace over my scars and hope for some artistic inspiration.
I still don't have a nickname. I thought about using Grave, you know, because I want to be a Mortician, but I'm sure I'll be called emo and shit. Hurr durr - fascination with death = emo now, or so the "in-crowd" claims.
I'm good at psychoanalyzing myself. I used to pick myself apart when I was bored. I've figured myself out for the most part now, so I'm bored with my emotions. I want to experience a new emotion or one that I haven't felt in a long time. I want to play with my mind. But what is there to do with it? I mean - the shrinks had such a fun time drugging me up and digging around in my memories, why the fuck shouldn't I have that chance?
If I didn't feel physical pain, I'd jump at the chance to rip myself apart and look inside. I'd probably bleed to death, but what better way to die than by your own, murderous hands?
"Mountains. Heavy are the mountains. But that changes with the passage of time.
Sky, blue sky. What your eyes can't see. What your eyes can see.
The sun. One, only one.
Water. It is a grey pool. Commander Ikari.
Flowers. So many the same, so many without purpose.
Sky. Sky of red. Red the colour, the colour I hate.
The liquid flows. It drips, ripples, and pours. Blood. Scent of blood, woman who does not bleed.
On the red soil the humans come. Humans made by man and woman.
City. A human creation. EVA. A human creation as well.
What are humans? Are they creations of God? Humans, and that which is created by humans.
This is that which is mine. My life; my heart. I am a vessel for my thoughts.
The entry plug; the throne of the soul. Who is this? This is me.
Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I...
I am I.
This object that is myself, that which forms what is me. This is the self that can be seen and yet it is not like that which is myself.
A strange feeling. My body feels as if it is melting. I can no longer see myself, my form, my shape...It fades from view.
Awareness dawns of someone who is not mel; who was here, there, beyond me here.
Shinji? This person I know, Major Katsuragi. Doctor Akagi. People. My classmates. The pilot of Unit 02. Commander Ikari?
Who are you? Who are you? Who are you..."
"I wonder when it started... the drifting... It's like my mind and body have come apart, little by little...
Whenever something sad... or painful... happens
It's like there's another me who watches it... like it's happening to someone else, thinking... "that's not me." It's okay. I can live like that. I'll lock my heart deeper away. I won't have to feel pain outside or inside... or fear...
I WON'T HAVE TO FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL!"
*NOTE: I do not EXPECT anyone to reply to any of my bullshit entries or even read them. It's nice when I get advice, but I don't expect people to respond. When I signed up for Mindsay, I did it so I could just get my thoughts down. I doubted anyone would reply. So please, don't feel that you HAVE TO reply or give me advice.*
- Not everything needs to be analyzed and picked apart.
- It's okay to do stuff without reason.
- Sometimes it's okay to forget everything for awhile.
- Acting silly and childish will keep you young.
- Indulge in your every pleasure.
- Nothing is immortal, not even Vampires.
- Live like you're going to die any second.
- Lower your expectations to avoid disappointment.
My mind is drawing a blank. All I can think of are pictures. I'm thinking IN pictures. Pictures. Images. Thoughts. Reality. Mind.
I write things down to remember. I write things down so I won't forget. I write things down so I won't forget to remember. It's possible.
It's easier not to care. Sometimes I wish I was still depressed. It was easier. Reminds me of...
DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY DEATH IS EASY
"So. this is how it feels to die? But it's okay. Yeah, everything's okay."
I can't paint anything anymore. I can't draw anymore. I mean - it's there, I have the ability, but nothing comes to my head anymore. I can't even listen to music and just paint or draw what I feel anymore. What medium do I use now? Photography is too easy. Am I destined to make shitty blog entries for the rest of my life? Everything has been done before. Maybe I'll try writing again. Or am I destined to continue writing fuckass haiku poems on my cell phone to pass time? Abusing the body is a boring art form. My scars will tell you that. All I can do is trace over my scars and hope for some artistic inspiration.
I still don't have a nickname. I thought about using Grave, you know, because I want to be a Mortician, but I'm sure I'll be called emo and shit. Hurr durr - fascination with death = emo now, or so the "in-crowd" claims.
I'm good at psychoanalyzing myself. I used to pick myself apart when I was bored. I've figured myself out for the most part now, so I'm bored with my emotions. I want to experience a new emotion or one that I haven't felt in a long time. I want to play with my mind. But what is there to do with it? I mean - the shrinks had such a fun time drugging me up and digging around in my memories, why the fuck shouldn't I have that chance?
If I didn't feel physical pain, I'd jump at the chance to rip myself apart and look inside. I'd probably bleed to death, but what better way to die than by your own, murderous hands?
"Mountains. Heavy are the mountains. But that changes with the passage of time.
Sky, blue sky. What your eyes can't see. What your eyes can see.
The sun. One, only one.
Water. It is a grey pool. Commander Ikari.
Flowers. So many the same, so many without purpose.
Sky. Sky of red. Red the colour, the colour I hate.
The liquid flows. It drips, ripples, and pours. Blood. Scent of blood, woman who does not bleed.
On the red soil the humans come. Humans made by man and woman.
City. A human creation. EVA. A human creation as well.
What are humans? Are they creations of God? Humans, and that which is created by humans.
This is that which is mine. My life; my heart. I am a vessel for my thoughts.
The entry plug; the throne of the soul. Who is this? This is me.
Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I...
I am I.
This object that is myself, that which forms what is me. This is the self that can be seen and yet it is not like that which is myself.
A strange feeling. My body feels as if it is melting. I can no longer see myself, my form, my shape...It fades from view.
Awareness dawns of someone who is not mel; who was here, there, beyond me here.
Shinji? This person I know, Major Katsuragi. Doctor Akagi. People. My classmates. The pilot of Unit 02. Commander Ikari?
Who are you? Who are you? Who are you..."
"I wonder when it started... the drifting... It's like my mind and body have come apart, little by little...
Whenever something sad... or painful... happens
It's like there's another me who watches it... like it's happening to someone else, thinking... "that's not me." It's okay. I can live like that. I'll lock my heart deeper away. I won't have to feel pain outside or inside... or fear...
I WON'T HAVE TO FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL!"
*NOTE: I do not EXPECT anyone to reply to any of my bullshit entries or even read them. It's nice when I get advice, but I don't expect people to respond. When I signed up for Mindsay, I did it so I could just get my thoughts down. I doubted anyone would reply. So please, don't feel that you HAVE TO reply or give me advice.*
Homemade Dakimakura
I'm bored and my room needs a little sprucing up. I've decided to make my very own Dakimakura (hug pillow) featuring a hot guy of my lustful choice. I have a feeling this might take a couple of tries to get correct, but I think it'll be worth it. (Worth it because I get to hug a fucking pillow with an anime character on it...). How sad. But if I'm going to be pathetic and hug a pretend person, I'm not gonna pay $100 to do it! It's not like I can find a lot of these pillows that are for girls - I think I've come across four; the rest are pillows for guys. My only problem is finding a suitable high resolution picture to use and to decide who to use.
Haha! I am SO pathetic! And... so ronery. ;_;
(I probably need to get laid).
Here's one Dakimakura that I found online, but no way in Hell I'm paying for that shit; which is why I'm going to make my own.
Haha! I am SO pathetic! And... so ronery. ;_;
(I probably need to get laid).
Here's one Dakimakura that I found online, but no way in Hell I'm paying for that shit; which is why I'm going to make my own.
Vacation: Day 4
Ah, I finally get to sleep in as long as I wont, and my eyes wont stay shut after 10 am , so after laying there for another hour, I decided to get up. Ugh... why?!
After getting up, and parked my but in front of the TV and turned on my PS2 for a little madden football action. Of course I end up losing my game by 5 points. Ugh. After that loss, I turned off the video game, and tuned into the Olympic coverage. Which is still on my TV. Right now its on channel MSNBC till 5 PM. Then I will be switching to another one of the NBC channels. The only other program on TV tonight, that I know of, is bones, but that's not till 8 PM.
Needless to say its been a rather boring day so far. As I write this, its starting to thunderstorm outside. Guess it wasn't a good day to do things outside after all. Glad I didn't waste my time washing my car or something. It's gonna be a rather boring night I guess.
So, what has the boredom got me doing? Humm... Oh, I put a diecast car , the Dale Earnhardt foundation , black #3 Chevy Monte Carlo , 1/24 th scale , in a clear and oak display box that I had in the closet. I found a spot for it on one of the stand out in the living room, after I cleaned the junk off that spot. Then clean the dust, polished and polished the stand, lol. So, that's out there now.
Humm, what else is there to do around here? Umm, probably dust my room, that be a good idea, haven't done that since last week. Yes, its a weekly chore, that I like. What else... I dunno, really I don't.
~ Guess that concludes this entry 
New
Yes I am new here as you already know. I just stubled along this site randomly. I have yet to experience its true colors and iots people.
Why are all the good men taken??
I have had absolutely nothing to blog about lately, things have been going exceptionally well for me lately, and everything seems to be working out... I have been kinda lonely in the house all by myself, but hey have to take time to adjust sometime, and what better way then to be by myself...
Anyways, why is it that when I try this friends with benefits thing that I fall for the guy??
I have never even thought about trying it, until this guy could look at me with glowing eyes and tell me I am pretty and then tell me that he has a domestic partnership with this other guy.
I think I am falling for him god help me!!
I think I am going to finish my applications to Sally Beauty Supply and Starbucks and Payless Shoes, so leave me nice things...
Anyways, why is it that when I try this friends with benefits thing that I fall for the guy??
I have never even thought about trying it, until this guy could look at me with glowing eyes and tell me I am pretty and then tell me that he has a domestic partnership with this other guy.
I think I am falling for him god help me!!
I think I am going to finish my applications to Sally Beauty Supply and Starbucks and Payless Shoes, so leave me nice things...
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