10 Things @ MindSay

k, so here's the skivvy...
1:  List 10 things you want to say to people, but know you never will.
2:  Don't say who they're about.

ONE:  a lot of times i wish you'd show more affection for me.  i know that things happened in our past, and i know that in a lot of ways, my move to michigan set us way back, but i'm here now.  i'm back.  i am right here beside you screaming inside because i know you'll never understand.  and maybe i won't either.  and i guess one of the things i'll never understand is why we can't just put it behind us and be happy and one and in love.

TWO:  i wish i could be a bigger part of your life.  i wish we could get together more and talk and share and be precious together.  i love that we're so different, but i wish i was more like you all the time...  i wish i was smart like you.  i wish i could write and draw and create like you.  i wish i could be free like you are.  and most of all, a lot of times, i wish we could be together...  but i feel so stuck.  i feel so trapped sometimes and i know it hinders our relationship.  and i'm so sorry for that.

THREE:  i hope your ribs heal soon...  i can't believe how quickly life can change.  it had only been ten or fifteen minutes between our phone calls and all of a sudden, BAM!!  it made me realize how fast things come at us in this life.  it made me think about how much i care for you and how much i wish i could be out there with you to take care of you.  i know i never said it, i know i never really showed it, but i love you.  i always have and you will always hold a special place in my heart.  forever....

FOUR:  sometimes i feel like i could go weeks without calling you and that would be okay..   sometimes when we talk, i get so annoyed and sometimes i just want to hang up.  i feel like you don't know me and like you never really have.  i still hate how you've treated him.  i still hate how you both did.  he is the biggest part of my life and has been for four years (to the day, by the way).  he is more of a man than you'll ever know and he deserves more respect than you show him.  some day he will be the father of my children.  some day he will be more of a father than any of the ones i had and i am so excited for it to happen.  i proved you wrong.  i am happy.  i am whole with him.  and i wish you'd just suck it up and admit you were wrong.

FIVE:  thanks for nothing...  i'll see you in hell.

SIX:  i miss you guys so much and can't believe i'm missing out on the three of you growing up.  i'm sorry if i was a bad sister.  i'm sorry i'm so far away.  but maybe some day you guys can come out here for a visit.  :)

SEVEN:  i saw what you did that night...  i saw you tear apart that ceiling fan when i snuck upstairs to find out what was going on.  i saw you rip off a fan blade and beat the rest of the fan with it.  i heard you yelling and i heard a lot of what you said.  and i'm pretty sure that was one of the most terrifiying nights i've ever been through... i was getting ready to tell the boys we were gonna sneak out the window and go to the neighbor's house to call the cops...  and that's just the beginning...  so,  i can't handle talking to you yet...  but maybe i'll get there some day...  i guess we'll just have to see how it goes...  and p.s.  i'm not coming to vegas to meet you...  and i probably won't be calling any time soon...  sorry.

EIGHT:  i'm not afraid of you any more...  i used to sing along with alanis when she said "soon i'll grow up and i won't even flinch at your name."  i thought i'd never reach this point, but now i have and it feels great.  i hope life is treating you as well as it's been treating me lately.

NINE:  some times i think i've underestimated you.  i've never given you the chance you deserve to shine and be heard and i'm sorry...  but maybe it's not too late?  ...  i will try to fix you.

TEN:  i guess i never really knew you...  but some how, now that i haven't been to church in just about two years or so, i feel closer now to your divinity than ever before.  my ideas about you are changing...  my ideas about life are changing...  and it feels pretty great...  i'm a big fan even though i haven't read all your books...  thanks for watching out for me.  :)

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car.

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.

I hate it, I hate the way you're always right.

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

1. I will still do laundry and clean our bathroom . . . including the toilet . . . with a brush  . . . and disenfectant  . . .
2. I work MUCH harder to pick up my boots and dirty clothes
3. I still won't fold "fitted sheets".
4. I will change diapers without a single complaint or saying "it's not my turn".
5. I will help cook and   . . . . not set in the other room while you do dishes and clean up. I'll even do it the same night when "putting them into soak" is easier . . .
6. I'll still work towards the same goals I promised you before you took your clothes off . . . and did that thing I like SO much . . .
7. I will wash and wax your car . . . if you fold the "fitted sheets" . . .
8. I'll make you a cup of tea when I make mine, or when I know you'd enjoy one . . .
9. I will help you make the bed . . .
10. I will still run the vacuum . . . more often than I used to . . . and will still mop floors . . . more often than I used to . . .
11. The "3 second rule" will never apply to anything on your plate or your silverware
12. I never was that attached to closet space . . .
13. I won't make faces at the "things" in the medicine cabinet
14. I'll change the toilet roll instead of putting the box of Keenex next to the toilet . . .
15. I'll get up and get things for you while you're toenails dry
16. I'll buy "those things" at the store when you put them on the list . . .

G.

P.S.     18. I still won't be able to keep my eyes off of you

P.P.S   19.  I'll steal kisses everywhere, anywhere . . . .

Now . . . The Rose Parade is over, so tomorrow officially begins putting up or shutting up with Resolutions. I have several . . .as I have told one or two of you (1) To just be carried away by my new business, I am going to indulge myself in how precise and exquisite I do my work. Little jobs or big jobs . . . each will be like a kiss, making love for the 3rd time in 2 hours . . . just as precious and delightful as the first  . . . (2) "one more thing" that I want, that I truly want (3) "find something lost" . . . not letting go of hope for it, regardless. 

 

Now these I have "resolved" and I will live or die by them this year. But . . . there are things that a guy wants. I'm single  . . . I shouldn't be . . . but what artist is recognized by the ones he displays his art too I ask? Isn't it the one who stays a bit longer and says "ummm, now, that's what I call . .art!"  She is near I am sure.

 

But I need two things (well . . . that too . . . yum) I need you to tell me if I am being "reasonable" in what I want . . . you may make suggestions and comments . . . AND . . . I NEED TO KNOW . . what does a woman want from "the man she loves"? What is it that he can do . . that just unbuttons, unzipps, heats up, and she-won't-tear-herslef-away-from-him-if-he-does-it?  I need to know the secret(s).

 

I am faithful. Maybe like I said  . . . my art has been appreciated, even "admired", and dare I say . . . "exhibited with pride" . . . so I need to know. Once I find her, I want her to adore being in love, going to sleep just so she can wake up in another day with me. . . .

 

So you will be telling me, doing a good thing for someone who is near . . .

 

WHAT MEN WANT: {random  . . . no particular order . .  spontaneous is what I'm trying to say . .}

1. Bring me a beer and a piece of KFC Extra Krispy when I'm working on chores at home, then a kiss
2. An extra kiss when I'm not expecting it . . a "flash" of what's underneath, just because
3. Call me and let me know I'm on your mind; ESPECIALLY when I'm very busy . . .When I'm late and struggling to get home . . .When I have to work weekends . .
4. Ask me to "zip" you up . . .unzip you, undo your bra strap . . . even though you don't need me to
5. Sit next to me instead of  . ."over there".
6. Have a sip of mine, make one for both of us
7. Ask for a massage . . . and then drop the towel
8. "Fool around" when I'm on the phone  {oooh BABY!!}
9. Stop me, look at me in the eyes and tell me that you're very happy, without saying a word
10. Tell me that our beautiful baby . . looks like me . . . even though she has your good looks . .
11. Tell me you love me
12. Tell me how lucky we are
13. Ask me along when you run errands {I AM a man, everyone knows it. I am fearless and can hold your purse as long as necessary while you try on clothes!}
14. Come with me and spend the day with me in the truck
15. Change our plans and take me someplace special that you have been wanting to go
16. Change my life by bringing yours to it, showing me all this new world. . .
17. Drop the towel, leave the robe open . . . just because you know I adore looking at you . . .
18. Feel free, no explainations, only tell me because you're excited about something and want me to know . . . . never worry that I am jealous, but maybe miss you and wonder if you are okay . . . know in your heart that you are convicted from love for me . . . but feel free . . . .
19. Even though there's nothing to defend . . . let me know that you feel safe . . . and that you know I would . . .
20. (               )

1. Apparently it is quite bizarre to be dressed in a business suit whilst walking around Yosemite National Park.
2. Yosemite is not 100 miles in the wilderness.
3. Motorcoach drivers who also are professors of philosophy are really quite fascinating and have a wicked sense of humour.
4. The reward for helping set up for a wine tasting is a free beer.
5. Six tastes of wines = 2 glasses of wine.
6. 2 glasses of wine + half a beer = a very relaxed and chatty Zeph.
7. I know more about E Clampus Vitus than most people.
8. I have created a monster by teaching the class the E Clampus Vitus sign.
9. Compliments from experienced professionals are much sweeter than compliments from fellow insecure classmates.
10. Time doesn't matter when you're giving what people call "the best presentation they've seen in a long time."

In short: I think I've finally found the career for me.