It's been a year and some change since we broke up, but I have to say, the feeling in my heart hasn't died down a single bit.
I suppose it's easy to say that without taking everything in hindsight; that was always what pissed you off, though. My inability to actually perceive what had happened in the past, or at least, my ability to ignore it. It should be known, though, that it's not as if I have ignored the past. If anything, I've learned and adapted from it.
I remember telling you this and letting you know how badly I wanted another shot at things, and how that attempt resulted in heart ache, a fight, and crying on both of our ends. The entire situation seems so surreal, though. I feel as if my life was supposed to have been with you and that by being broken up with you my life has somehow been desynchronized. Nothing seems right. Everything seems wrong. It's weird, really. I've fought the depression and the loneliness only to find that even when I don't have the two of these I still want to be with you. Other women seem to look plain; drab even, laughing doesn't have the same effect unless I'm sharing it with you and I still go to bed every night wishing / hoping / praying that you will come back to me.
Without you, I feel as if I'm walking the same path that I have walked a hundred times before. Lost in the woods with no bread crumbs, my life has gone from a glorious walk in nature, side by side with you, to a nightmare. When will my heart wake up? Never; it knows that I am faulted for its pain.
I love you and will always love you.
Yoursonlyyours.
love
