Addiction

I'm pretty sure that we live across the hall from a meth dealer. Some tweaker looking guy showed up a little while ago and asked if "Mike" still lived there. I have never even actually seen the guy that lives there, because he never leaves. He does however have people coming in and out literally all day and night long. Funny thing is no one seems to stay for more then fifteen minutes at a time. Sometimes they pound on the door and yell until he answers it (which is REALLY annoying at four in the morning). The one time we actually got close to seeing him was when we were walking up the stairs and he was opening his door. I said to Aaron "I smell incense" and he slammed the door shut.

I really wouldn't care that he was a drug dealer, obviously I have no problem with them, lol. The problem is that I suspect it's meth in particular. I am an ex methhead, and I've been sober for a whole two years now, but it makes me fiend to know it's right there. And it's not like when I was using it that it was occasional use. No, I was on it every day, all day, do it until you literally pass out from exhaustion thing. My dad owns/runs his own company so my mom got a very large sum of money when they got divorced and she spent MOST of it on drugs. She has nothing left to show for it, and she and I would both most likely be dead from it by now if she hadn't gotten sentenced to prison. That's when we stopped, when we were forced to.

I'm glad that I don't let my drug use control my life anymore. Yes, I am a huge pothead, but I don't even smoke all the time when the people around me are smoking. I think it's fine to use drugs, but it's not fine to let drugs use you. As with anything there has to be some level of responsibility and limitation.

I will never touch meth again, but sometimes I want to get high so badly that I cry.  It gets easier with time, but there's no erasing the past.