Several things:
- It's nice to talk and hear how stuff's going for you, particularly as this is the only real communication I have with you at the moment. I'd read the general gist of it anyway, sometimes I make minor one-liner comments. I'm pleased you don't expect response, and don't want people to feel compelled I don't either. It's also an interesting insight into your mind.

- It's true what you said about not needing reasons to enjoy stuff and being young at heart...and on expectations. I suppose I don't know how to get back the same spirit I once used to have, but mebbe it doesn't matter, at least I tell myself that

- I think too, as you said, about stress causing nightmares. There will probably be plenty at work/college when you do those things, but for now, I dunno, maybe try some really intense game (survial horror genre like Resident Evil or Manhunt or something)

- Death might be easier, or harder, who knows? lol

- You have a nickname, Hermie! XD
(albeit one I don't say directly to you, I refer to you in my mind as hermie)

- I look at myself too, mostly I default to doing it, sometimes new stuff can come up unexpectedly, or a new thought as I figure stuff out, I have yet to see the end of it. I'd be intriged to know how yours + other minds work, although I don't know they would word that or where they'd even start. (they have no other mind to compare with)

- I can't tell if you want to be numb? I see things suggesting both ways. I think it can protect you and can be good to default to if something goes wrong, but I'd like to enjoy stuff too, so I suppose it's a base to start from

I don't really have any decent response to anything that you've said. Or do I even need one?

You don't have to I look forward to whenever it may be that we can talk, are you ok? A lot of stuff could've happened in that time, no doubt there's been time for a lot to pass through life's rollercoaster + thinking + stuff, but overall I'm essentially back where I was before lol

I'm not sure when I'll have my laptop back. Everything has been fine though... just catching up on some reading and stuff. Thanks for asking. I trust everything is alright with you as well?

Everythings ok I think, I think inside i'm more emotionally volatile than I like to admit or show - nearly everyday I'm throwing ideas around my head and feeling stuff (even if not aware of what I feel) and actually tire myself out/ give myself headaches that way, but I hope it's developing me as a person, it just seems so much I need to do lol
I'm pleased to hear you're ok I feel like it's a bit out of my hands to help much at this length so knowing it's ok is reassuring, but do let me know honestly if anything ever worries you or anything, because I want you to be ok

Ok, thank you. 

Don't have to filter the less decent responses either - feel free to say anything that crosses your mind, if you want to

I keep thinking that when you said that if you didn't feel phisical pain you'd probally pick yourself apart. thats something very intriguing actually.

 

I've thought about that many times.

Really? Wow - I thought I was the only one! What would be your reason for doing it?

I suppose it depends on what day. I once ook a pair of scsissors to my leg during one of my spurts of depression (the day my mom kicked me out of the house) I have alot of spurts of depression, and I have so many go damned family problems that I'm surprised I can smile at something in the morning, I even love school because it takes me away from the hell that is my "home". I guess also if I couldn't feel it I would do it for just pure entertainment.

Ahhhh, I see. Well, I'm sorry that you're having troubles at home. If you ever need to talk, you can count on me. I've been through all sorts of bullshit - family problems, cutting, etc.

Pure entertainment, huh? Sounds like an interesting reason. I think I'd do it because I love bones. I used to just study myself in the mirror. I think to myself, if I could just stop the pain and dig inside, I could caress those white, smooth bones of mine. lol I sound like a freak, sorry.

Okay.. I'll have to remember to add you to my friends list.. I always like to have someone to talk to.

 

You have a thing for bone? I like all of it, the bone, the flesh, the blood, the muscle. It looks so soft, so easy to just slice, and it is.

The whole bit kinda makes me sound alittle crazy, my friend david says some day I'll end up as a serial killer. I like the whole concept of how easy it is to take a human apart with nothing more than a knife but I have too much respect for other peoples lives to do such a thing as kill another.

Ah, same here, same here. You're not crazy, at least not in my eyes. You know, I read that even though the heart is soft inside your body, it becomes tough and bitter when it's cooked. I also read that one of the most tender muscles in the body is the bicep.

I think, with all of the violent shit we are exposed to today, most people are good candidates to become serial killers or at least capable of killing one person. It all has to do with desensitization. Maybe, like you and me, they still hold on to the idea of respecting human life, which makes them unable to kill.

Yeah.. I've heard that too, its so interesting how the human body is.

 

Yeah.. exactly. Just about anyone could kill. But really in order to kill you'd have to look at humans like animals, or like just meat.

Exactly. Who knows how people will see each other in a hundred years?

Exactlty.

I pretty much think the human race is screwed.. Its sad really but with the way things are going and all the ignorance in the world we'll be the death of our own race.

I read in some magazine that humans are actually overdue for extinction, but because of technology we were able to survive. It is sad that we're just now realizing that we need to make changes in order to preserve the Earth as well as our lives. 

I know. We realize that we need to change and we do so much and yet there are more people who just dont care. Most people don't care if we're overdue for extinction.