I sympathise with you about your dad being that way as you know, I get that a little - have you told him as you said - that he himself is being negative and pointed out the good things? - it probably won't sort it out for good but might make it a tad easier - dunno, you might need to build up a case. I know it's not pleasent to be afraid at home. I believe that when someone does good, that should be quickly recognised to encourage, even if there's still more he has a problem with, a step in the right direction will be encouraged + rewarded.

Maybe it's the only way he knows?

How come it costs money to back up? you might be able to use internet storage, cd-r discs, etc - takes ages but might work - or a USB hard drive - I got a 500gb one for £70 (like hell would I ever use more than 2% of that lol)

If medication will help, then I suppose, but be careful because medication's caused you problems before - can you cope without?

Also you're certainly not worthless - least I don't think so you've been good to me

I believe that, yes, that is the only way he knows.

It doesn't cost money to back it up, it costs money to save it and transfer it to the new computer.

Thank you. I don't really think that I'm worthless either... just felt that way.

Let me know if anything comes up/ I can help
It is that you are kind and understanding that gives you worth to me
I don't know how to word it but you deserved credit for how you dealt with my concerns in the comment at the end of the last thing - you looked into them, you took it seriously, understood and was sincere when you said it was all you could do. I always try to recognise + acknowledge, and the moment it's all resolved it's gone - I'm saying in now just to communicate that I don't hold any hard feelings anymore, that's all done. I wanted to encourage you and boost you a bit

Thank you for the compliments. They (and you) mean a lot to me.

Welcome You mean a lot to me too!

as you know

you ok? I was wondering some random things that someone indirectly talked about at work recently just so I can figure out quite where on the scale you come,
- how important is to you is public perception of stuff and yourself? And also do you ever find that what you say + do on the outside may be to sometimes convince yourself or alter your own view?

I don't think anyone is 100% either way, I try not to make stuff matter to myself, but I cannot totally - and I was wondering about you, because I suppose it's something I don't entirely know.
I think I also spend most of my time trying to convince myself - virtually everything I do is to reinforce to myself how I want to see myself - that is partly why I do that antidepression stuff.

It's totally fine if this stuff is important to you, infact even if you said it was, that's not necessarily wrong and I'd appreciate your honesty - but since I don't know where you fall I wouldn't know what to expect anyway . (but I know you've said desensitising completely isn't necessarily good, so wherever you fally you might not share the same goal there). I feel there is more to you... maybe it's because I know you more than most people anyway it's got me wondering more? who knows lol
anyway i suppose it's part of getting to know you

I suppose that there is some importance as to how the public views me, but my life doesn't revolve around it. And nope, I don't really try to convince/alter my views about anything. 

I maybe should explain a bit... But then again maybe I shouldn't say... but I need to, because I don't know. Please don't respond to him in haste, because it may compromise my own position for him to know... I needed to clear this up because i'm not entirely sure what I'm doing anymore if I do/don't listen to him.

I need your opinion on something.... you know him better than I do. Do you think doug would try to manipulate me? I like to think maybe he's just being paranoid, but he says that you are different towards him than you are to me - I know I am different to him and I'm in a different circumstance... but he suggests that not everything you say to him is supportive... whilst I always heed warnings I try not to make unfair assumptions, and I'd have to see it for myself. He said he didn't want to see me hurt, but I have assured him that I have safeguards, plus I haven't seen for myelf, so I didn't want to act in haste. He said also that perhaps it is a matter of roles, and that I'm allowed a more paternal/maternal one - if this is so to any degree, I want you to know that as far as I see it, we're equals, and you are a valued ally - and not in any way obliged, by all means do question anything about me or that I say if it doesn't fit perfectly - then we can figure stuff out, I think there have been times where you've helped me refine my ideas - like that thing about fighting instinct - that it is more general - I appreciated that

It's been getting hard for me to believe that you could be as he says, that's why I'm doubting him now. I understand if you do feel negative about him (to explain a difference in how you approach me+him) - that's fine. He said you didn't like him talking about women he was talking to... but I find that hard to believe too because you've certainly been open with me that guys have liked you (drinking one + website ones). He theorised the reason for this might be that you (understandably after so long) may have some feeling of connection still - but maybe that's just his hopes - because when the split happened you didn't seem to try to hold onto that connection, you only permitted it. He also tried to explain that your different approach to him might possibly be self - affirmation, that I thought about as a concept, (I do di it) - but then I thought maybe that generally could have something to do with self esteem (a topic here), if it happened at all, but I trust that you don't make because you said.

I suppose, given the circumstance, maybe I shouldn't have trusted him as much as I did, but I don't actually know if he is deliberately trying - maybe he is just paranoid and he thinks he's protecting me? I had to talk to you to make sure I see the whole picture + that it's balanced, and to explain

I feel like this is all turning into a terrible love triangle or something.

I really do not want to discuss this. I don't want to talk about things that Doug says to you and things that you say to him or that I have said to either of you. I'm going to stay out of all of this.

Ok I respect if you don't want to answer but why? Unfortunately we're all involved already, and the triangle has existed for months. I take full responsibility for creating this situation and I'm sorry for it, but I'm left not knowing what's going on or who I can trust. I'm trying to resolve it, I feel it will only end when we all know, because otherwise me + him will both just keep grasping at theories and hope. It will still be there even if we don't talk about it, that is my take.

I'm sorry for creating this situation, but I want to get everything right for us all

I understand, but I am not going to talk about this anymore.

ok