fucking bullshitI hate school. I always have. I'm a senior now and only have 5 months left until I graduate. It seems like an eternity in Hell. I told my parents that I was going to drop out of school this morning. My mom started yelling at me, telling me that I better get up and start looking for a job and that I wasn't allowed to use the internet or talk to my boyfriend anymore. "Her house, her rules." It's fucking bullshit.
Both my parents claim that I never do anything to help myself; that I never go to therapy or anything... it's all complete bullshit. Granted, I haven't gone to therapy in awhile, but I just told them like a week ago that I was going to get back in therapy. I even called my stupid psychiatrist and made a fucking appointment to talk to him. They say all I ever do is lay around, closed up in my room, talking to my boyfriend.
That's bullshit, too. Half the time, I'm busy running fucking errands around the house for my parents. My mom is crippled with fucking arthritis and my dad (I swear, I think it's true) intentionally hurts his back, which is already seriously injured, so he can just lay back and not take any fucking responsibility in the household. I end up doing his fucking share too.
They act like I'm a spoiled bitch who's gotten everything and has never had to lift a finger in her life. When do I get the fucking credit? When is someone going to praise me and see that I am working hard to help myself and help the family?! It's just not fucking fair. My boyfriend reassures me that it won't be too much longer and I'll be living with him, but, you know, when you're depressed, you can't see into the future at all. All you can focus on is the present and all the negative shit in the present. I just wish someone would understand me 100%.
I feel so god damn guilty too. I have a sweet, beautiful dog who just happens to be afraid to come into my room because it's all echo-ish. I want to cuddle with her and hold her and be with her, but there's no where to go except the living room (where my mom is) or my dads bedroom - and I really don't feel like seeing their fucking faces right now. Plus, I don't want to leave my room and take the chance that my mom confronts me with some bullshit question or something. All in all, I just want to be alone and snuggle up with my dog. :(
Both my parents claim that I never do anything to help myself; that I never go to therapy or anything... it's all complete bullshit. Granted, I haven't gone to therapy in awhile, but I just told them like a week ago that I was going to get back in therapy. I even called my stupid psychiatrist and made a fucking appointment to talk to him. They say all I ever do is lay around, closed up in my room, talking to my boyfriend.
That's bullshit, too. Half the time, I'm busy running fucking errands around the house for my parents. My mom is crippled with fucking arthritis and my dad (I swear, I think it's true) intentionally hurts his back, which is already seriously injured, so he can just lay back and not take any fucking responsibility in the household. I end up doing his fucking share too.
They act like I'm a spoiled bitch who's gotten everything and has never had to lift a finger in her life. When do I get the fucking credit? When is someone going to praise me and see that I am working hard to help myself and help the family?! It's just not fucking fair. My boyfriend reassures me that it won't be too much longer and I'll be living with him, but, you know, when you're depressed, you can't see into the future at all. All you can focus on is the present and all the negative shit in the present. I just wish someone would understand me 100%.
I feel so god damn guilty too. I have a sweet, beautiful dog who just happens to be afraid to come into my room because it's all echo-ish. I want to cuddle with her and hold her and be with her, but there's no where to go except the living room (where my mom is) or my dads bedroom - and I really don't feel like seeing their fucking faces right now. Plus, I don't want to leave my room and take the chance that my mom confronts me with some bullshit question or something. All in all, I just want to be alone and snuggle up with my dog. :(
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