I'm scared, well more exactly I'm afraid. I'm afraid to sleep. I can't seem to get there anymore since someone told me I snore. It seems I don't just snore but I snore like a chainsaw working it's way through a giant redwood.

"But it's ok, you only do it sometimes."

Yes, but which times ? ? ? ! ! !

So now, every time I am just about to fall off to sleep, I wake up with a jolt, afraid I've been snoring again. I bought a mouth-guardy thingy to stop it but that doesn't seem to be doing the trick at all. I've heard you can have an operation to widen the back of your throat to prevent snoring but who can afford that ! ? I just don't know what to do. How is it that I wake up at the sound of a mouse farting but I can sleep through my own chainsaw? I just don't know what to do, any advice people?

Item 2 -

Tom Cruise. OK, now we all know of the far-reaching arms of the "church" of scientology, however this has gone too far. Australia's cowardly publising houses have bowed in unison, to be collectivley anally raped by Mr 'C' and his so-called "church" because of a book that's been written about him.

It seems a Mr Andrew Morton has written an unauthorised biography of the divine Mr 'C' and his church aren't at all happy about it. They have threatened to sue any publisher that puts the book to print in Oz as well as anywhere else. Of course our American cousins have chosen to weather the storm-in-a-teacup and go to print anyways. Good for them I say, but we really must teach our own cowardly custards to stand up and pull faces at their enemies.

Here's what I suggest: We in Oz, should all go to Amazon.com and purchase a copy of this book. Here's the link. . .

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/103-5211670-6224636?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=biography+tom+cruise&x=17&y=19  

That way we all get to thumb our noses at the bullies and at the same time, punish our cowardly establishment for not doing their job and upholding our right and our freedom to read.

I don't really care about Tom, or his religion, or his life story (yawn) but I do care about censorship.

I wonder if the scientologists will sue me? Be interesting won't it?