I have some funny stuff for you today but first, a question:
- Why the F**K do doctors take blood from a hidden vein in my elbow, when there's one in my hand that gets cut without any effort at all!? I didn't even know I'd done it until I noticed the droplets. Apparently there's a tiny piece of sharp metal sticking out somewhere in my house. I don't even know what or where it was, it just pricked my hand near the knuckle and miraculously hit a vein! Talk about a bleeder, sheesh. So that's where I'm instructing the doc' to take blood next year at my check-up.
Now for the funny stuff I promised you.
Neologisms Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions
to its yearly neologisms, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
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