December 15th arrives...

On the morning of my second appointment I am like a little girl holding a wrapped gift.  A little girl who knows what is beneath the wrapping that surrounds her gift yet her knowing in no way inhibits her joy.  As John sang, my body is a wonderland...  Again I find myself walking through my days with a sensation of momentum; we are ever moving forward in our quest to bring a child into the world.  My husband is having himself another kick watching the expression upon my face move from secretive glee to anticipation and then back again.  I love WIFEM.  We  have only begun here and I love the clinic already.  There is so much to learn about myself here- my internal self- that I feel odd knowing how many women walk the earth knowing little next to nothing about their own inner workings.  I myself had an intermediate understanding of reproduction and yet I really didn't really know.  Little things such as the fact that the slightest of hormonal levels can effect fertility at any age.  Or that there are just as many women in the 25-35 age group with fertility issues as are in my age group.  I didn't realize all of the distractions that sperm may encounter before ever finding their way into the uterus; that all sorts of complications often exist in the vagina itself. 

In any case today will be yet another day of illumination for my husband and I.  Learning for me is much like taking in sunshine; without learning my bones become brittle and my mind suffers.  To be in a position to learn things about myself- my inside self- that I might otherwise not know is just one more gift in this process.

Today while at the WIFEM I will undergo an internal ultrasound (the procedure involves a plastic probe that will be placed just inside my vagina) to have a peek at my ovaries to find if a follicle has presented itself.  If I am preparing to ovulate a follicle or follicles will show as such on the monitor once the probe is in place.

I will also have a post-coital test to have a look at the state of the sperm in my vagina.

Blood work will test my Progesterone levels, which flux during ovulation.

During my ultrasound we find I my body is indeed undergoing preparation to ovulate.  I have a healthy group of follicles!  This is a good thing.  I seriously want to kiss the Tech as he lets me know in advance what he sees; Techs aren't really supposed to tell over-anxious women what they do or do not see on the monitor when having a peek at their follicles...  I leave the examination room feeling whole and well.

Though my follicle(s) is(are) waxing proud,  my post-coital reveals that the mucous in my vagina is extremely thick; this may 'trap' or hinder my husband's sperm from entering my uterus and thus enabling the sperm an easy path to my fallopian tube where my egg will await fertilization.  Dr. G. hands me a plastic cup; should I not become pregnant this cycle then next month (January) during Clomed treatment my husband will provide a sample and his sperm will be used to inseminate me.  The insemination will ensure that his sperm are where they need to be during my ovulation and not stuck in the muck of mucous in my vagina.

At this time I don't permit my mind to ponder my possible future insemination.  I keep my thoughts close; thinking that one reason we may not yet have our baby could be due to vaginal conditions sort of pulls me into a stunned sort of silence.

Once my blood is drawn I am then sent upon my way with instructions to call LabLine for the results of my Progeterone testing.

While my blood is drawn by Brigette, a rather sweet woman with a ready smile and willingness to chat, I think about blood loss.  Today yet another five large vials of blood will be drawn bringing the total to nearly 20.  I ask Brigette about all the test results we've yet to hear of.  We are told that unless there is some complication found or something of note that we most likely won't hear of many of the results.  My husband asks about the insemination procedure.  Honestly, I find myself sitting in the vinyl chair with a rubber band squeezing my upper right arm and a blush rising to my cheeks.  I rarely blush unless I am in a situation I feel I must/should/might feign shyness and this is something that is a part of the life of a younger me.  Blushing as I realize that conception may include me laying on an exam table, legs up in stirrups, husband beside holding my hand as the doctor...  Well, you get the picture.

Blood drawn we now head out to provide the $30 co-pay. 

My husband is as I; giddy that we are experiencing this journey together.  He continually squeezes my hand and kisses my face throughout the day, telling me that he finds himself amazed with the body of a woman.  In the car as we drive back to our home, I scribble frantically on the back of a MLS sheet.  I jot down what he says at one point asking him to repeat his words.  He laughs with me as I move through the motions of note-taking for my journals, articles and diary. 

I take his eyes into my own as we share yet another moment of knowing.

We are nearer with each our visits to conceiving our child... 

-- While the doctor 'looks' to find my Progesterone levels at or above 10, my level is a wicked 18.8!