i think i might've gotten closure from this whole betrayal thing... not quite sure though...
i've learned to forgive you, but i still have so many unanswered questions. you say it's in the past, but even though the years have past, i can tell you're still hurt by it as well. however, we were hurt differently. you lost a person you loved, fully, and i lost a part of you... i doubt i'll ever really understand where this whole thing went wrong, but there's not much i can do. i want to believe that i honestly love you with all my heart, but a huge part of me really doesn't believe that. so are we even? naw, i doubt it... just looking at her brings so much anger, disgust... i've stopped crying over it, because i've grown and i'm starting to believe that it REALLY wasn't me... I admit when i go wrong, most of the time, but i really didn't do anything this time... loving you was the best thing that i've ever been through, but being with you makes me indifferent. now that we've welcomed this new chapter, i'm starting to feel like i don't want it. common? i think so... let's see, what's the best way to put this? hmmm... I want you here, i want you now, but i wouldn't mind if we go separate ways later on. now that the blindfold is off, i can really see a lot of the shit i conformed to. I don't want this anymore, we're different people, different lives, and to really make it work, i don't know if we can do that... i just wish i had the courage to be on my own, i want it, but i'm so afraid... am i with you because i don't want to be alone??? i'm with you because i've gotten used to you??? u say you're trying, but how many steps have you actually taken forward??? you're not holding me back, but you're not making it better either...
i love you, but to what extent? is this what he was talking about when he warned me about us???
doubt lingers in my heart, how do i make it all go away???
past love
