updates dudes!

wow so a lot has been going on. went on another recent trip back to riverside...this was the trip that gave me a rude awakening and i realized a lot of shit this time.....main thing being how much i miss my family but how much weve all changed....next thing being the fact that i gave hex all these chances and we were doing ok then his split psycho stupid personality the ignorant bastard stepped in and fucked it all up. im done with him. i mean it. i was so set on trying to fix things n its not even worth fixing our friendship least of anything. i cant even say his name anymore. hes not a regret, hes a lesson, never waste ten years loving someone and going thru the shit you go thru with them when you were scared from the beginning. never do sumthing if u have doubts. only thing is, i still love him, but its not going to win over this time. im truly done. and yes, ive said it many times before. but when someone says and does things to you constantly and makes your heart and hindsite get weaker and weaker every moment and theyre tearing your heart apart piece by piece, it just becomes unteolerable to any longer love that person or have hope. hes a stupid piece of shit that needs to grow up and stop ruining others lives jus to make himself feel better...what the hell did i ever do to him to deserve all of this? i keep thinking theres gotta be summin i did to make him hate me so much. but everyone keeps telling me to go on n ignore it n its him not me,....but how would U feel if the one person in your life that could kill u jus with a look, the person whos held ur heart since before it could be held, who uve loved more then your own life <of the opposite sex i mean lol> jus took ur heart out of u n burnt it and stomped on it rite in front of you? you would feel hate, i do, you would feel pain, i do, you would feel loss, i do, and most of all, you would feel a dumb numbness...that i do. anyway enough about that....as far as the rest of my life goes im doing fine gettin ready to work at wal mart for a while then go back to kansas in early january and start college hopefully and yuh there begins my life as an 'adult' how fun it sounds...NOT lol....o by the way...my 18th birthday is next week, and for anyone that finds this site of mine yes...i did delete everything except my myspace and this.....WOOT WOOT haha lol ive been waiting to get rid of all that shit for a while n why not...i dont ever go on them jus get perverted comments from old men n boys whos balls havent even dropped yet....lol....anyway.....im outs for now.....WEDS. the 22nd....BIG 18!......WOOOOOT! ...i LOVE me... o and on the robb issue...im done with him too. im over caring for people...back to the wonderful old whore amber! lol hey what can i say? i got no heart so why act like i do? and robb...i may be nice and i may act like ur a friend...but fuck with my head ever again and trust me ull be hurting. im a friend only a friend to you and me even agreeing to be ur friend again...comes with rules....but ill type those later......anyway im outs for real....MWUAH!