As I stated in my profile, I do have a boyfriend, as well as a "playmate" or two sometimes.  It's a long-distance relationship, and sometimes I just need a bit of company.  I'm not trying to justify my actions, merely explain them somewhat.  With my "playmates", it's not just about fulfilling my sexual desires.  Really, I most long for their companionship.  I don't fool around with random people.  It's just not my style.  My "playmates", or "really good friends" as one of them called himself, always start out as friends.  Don't misunderstand:  I don't become physically intimate with all of my male friends.  And I truly don't plan it to happen.  Sometimes the attraction and chemistry is just there after all that time.  But I digress.

In my younger days, I suppose I was what you'd call a "player".  I had a different boyfriend back then, and it was also a long-distance relationship.  While I was in college, I dated other people besides him.  He did not mind as long as I told him everything (it was an open relationship), but I didn't always do that.  I was quite the liar back then.  Afraid to upset him or make him jealous, I would tell him that I didn't have any romantic feelings for such-and-such person, when in truth I did.  And the person in question had no idea about my boyfriend.  I would lie and say that I was single.  I don't claim to be an outstandingly moral person, but I will admit that I am ashamed of my actions back then.  What made me truly guilty was that every last one of them fell in love with me, and several of them wanted to marry me.  It was truly a mess.

At the time when I met my current boyfriend, I was dating three people at once, all of them getting more serious with each passing day.  Once I realized that I was falling for what would eventually be my current boyfriend, I broke up with the other three, one by one.  It truly pained me to break their hearts, but I could see that I was living a lie--no, three lies.  Truthfully, I would have broken up with two of them anyway, because it just wasn't working out.  One took it far worse than all the others, but that is a completely different story.  For the first time in a good while, I was truthfully single.  I did not tell my current boyfriend any of this, because I wanted to start with a clean slate. 

Hmm, this update is turning out longer than I planned.  I will take a break for now, and come back later to finish what I was trying to say.

~Rachel