Ding-dong. Somebody’s at the door.

Peek out the window- brown shorts, tan legs… it’s the UPS man! Hooray, it’s finally here! Tear open the door, grab the box and… oh. Just some camera accessories I ordered.

Where is my copy of Gus Openshaw’s Whale Killing Journal, dangit?! I know other “shipmates” have already received theirs, and I want mine NOW!

I’m sorry, Brown, don’t run…

Cripes. Scared the UPS man. Again.

It feels like the excitement I felt while I was first living Gus’ adventures vicariously. I’d log on to the computer and go straight his blog to see what adventures the crew was up to.

Ok, must think of other things. Off to work with me. I get to work, and there’s a big bus waiting by the front door. Oh, yeah, we have a field trip today! The company is taking all of us to the new Georgia Aquarium. I have no idea how this is supposed to relate to my job, but I’m not going to rock the boat. So to speak.

The Aquarium is magnificent- beautifully designed.

To your left when you first enter is a “touch-tank” with baby sharks and stingrays. “Just use two fingers to pet them” the guide says “and keep your hands to the top- their mouths are on bottom.”

Yeah, right. I intend to keep both of my hands, thankyouverymuch. Well, ok, maybe just with one finger…

The sharks feel slightly rubbery, the rays feel like what they look - portobello mushrooms with eyes and scary tails… wonder what they taste like… I’ll bet Duq could make ‘em taste good.

Guide pins me with a fierce look “We do not serve any seafood on these premises.”

“Then what did you feed the fish? I think you mean that you don’t serve any seafood to people.”

Yikes. Apparently guides don’t like comments as much as bloggers do. Moving on…

The aquariums showcase a variety of environments, all feel very natural. It feels as though you’re strolling along the floor of a river, lake, or ocean, looking at the life surrounding you.

I’m glad Gus isn’t here, because with his luck the glass would shatter and we’d all be bait.

Some very bizarre creatures lurk in these waters.

The beluga whales are the stars of the show here, having been rescued from an amusement park in Mexico. Personally, I think they’re darn ugly.

Too bad it wasn’t one of these comparatively little guys who had a grudge against Gus. They’d probably have been full off just his arm, they never would’ve eaten his wife and kid, too. Of course, they’re so small and the ocean is so huge, I don’t know if he’d ever have been able to track down the right one. The adventure could still be continuing…

Another touch tank, this one with sea urchins, anemones, and starfish. Another diabolical “guide” is stationed here. “Just lightly rest your finger on one of the sea urchins” he says “you’ll feel the spines move back and forth.”

Spines? Touch? Lured by the pretty colors, my hand completely of it’s own accord reaches out to try.

“Now feel an anemone- just place your finger in the tentacles gently”

Yeah, right. I may be gullible but I’m not stupid. I saw Finding Nemo, dude, I know those things sting. Do I look like a clownfish to you?!

Well, ok, my hand is already numb from the cold water…

I let a couple of my workmates be the guinea pigs, they said the tentacles are so frictionless that you can’t even feel them. They’re slowly swirling their fingers around, and the anemones aren’t even reacting. I gently placed one finger in an anemone and Oh! My! Goodness! Bunches of little tentacles zoom over to surround my finger with a slightly sticky pull. It’s hugging me! It loves me! I must have one! My heart grew three sizes right there.

The guide laughs “It must think you taste good!”

Wait a sec… it’s not hugging me? It’s tasting me? Ew! Give me my finger back, you creep!

Must’ve tasted like the shrimp from the last touch tank.

I tossed my heart thru a wash cycle and in the dryer, it shrunk right back down to normal no problem.

Moving on.

There’s a dark hall with a series of tank with small jellyfish. So mesmerizing, incredibly beautiful.

Finally, we get to an area with a moving sidewalk that takes you thru a 100 foot long glass (well, acrylic) tunnel thru a 6 million gallon tank. Real and created coral reefs, about 100,000 sea creatures, and a heckuva lot of salt. Gliding overhead is what I can only call a flock of rays, gliding with unearthly grace in elegant formations.

One Grouper big enough to feed Gus’ entire crew, with scraps left over for lil’ Bob.  A hammerhead drifts by with a purposeful gleam in his beady little eyes.

For a moment, the light is blotted out. Looking up, I’m greeted with a vision that reminds me where I’ve seen an underwater glass tunnel like this before… in Jaws 3D.

Huge. Massive. Enormous. And polka-dotted?

The exploration ended with the obligatory gift shop. I suggested they should carry Gus’ Journal, but they were somewhat horrified by the title. I tried to explain, but I think they must all be Bluepeace members or something. They were somewhat more interested in his other fantastic book, Pirates of Pensacola.

Got home, checked for packages… still no book.

*sigh*