american idol
“Hello, and Welcome to American Top 40. I’m Casey Kasem in Hollywood. Tonight, a special edition of AT40, It’s the ‘iTunes’ American iDol top 9. For the next hour we will count down the Top 9 downloaded hits of the nation as picked by our iDol Contestants.
Today’s Apple iTunes playlist is sponsored by the folks at iSuzu Motors, the makers of the i-Series heavy duty trucks.
iSuzu…the car company not controlled by the iDiots in Washington D.C.
We have as a special guest host this week, my good friend and future caretaker, the man with 1000 jobs…Ryan Seacrest.”
“It’s great to see you again, Casey.”
“Well who’s up first, Ryan?”
“As you know, Casey, we are inviting the iDolators to sing any song in the iTunes top 100 downloads of all time.”
“That sounds pretty broad. How will we know what was a top 100 download?”
“You’ll just have to take our word for it, Casey. Honestly, it’s a crap shoot. Again, thanks for letting me co-host. And now number 9, down from #5 last week is the son of a biochemist and a software engineer from North Carolina. Singing Usher’s “Caught Up” it’s Anoop Desai. Did you know that on American iDol we call him Anoop Dogg?”
“That’s interesting, Ryan. For 30 years I played a dog’s best friend as the voice of Scooby Doo’s buddy Shaggy.”
“Oh Really? I think I knew that. So can I introduce the next song, Casey?”
“My show. I’d like to do that myself”
“Would you let me do it for a Scooby-snack?”
“Did you say, a Scooby-snack? Like Zoinks! Like anything you say, old friend, old buddy, old pal.”
“Great, thanks Casey…At #8, dropping 2 places from #6, it’s the lovely Megan Joy Is Nuts--Mounds don’t. Megan has a beautiful and charming way of butchering a song and shrilling through a Chorus like a mouse sliding down the throat of a python. Megan said that while Bob Marley wrote “Turn Your Lights Down Low” for the great EXODUS album, Megan had decided to do Lauryn Hill’s version, which makes sense since we all will be running for the hills as soon as she starts singing. Unfortunately, she should have modeled her singing on Colbie Caillet’s performance on her Coco debut CD.”
“Like Thanks, Ryan. Like Wow. Awesome Scooby Snacks. Now, we are approaching #6. Danny Gokay falls from the #2 position last week. He’s still going strong with the 2006 hit single by Crossover-Country superstars Rascall Flatts, “What Hurts the Most”. I’d have to say what hurts the most is still the painful trill in my ears from Megan’s vocal torturing.
But, now we turn to this artist, who once won a Telemundo competition for 50,000 dineros. Currently, she’s only 16 years old. Wow, I have hair plugs older than that, Ryan! Here to belt out Gwen Stefani’s breakthrough song, it’s Allissssson Iraheta.”
“No Doubt, Casey.”
“Yep, there’s no doubt that Allison is a force to be reckoned with this season.”
“No. No Doubt”
“That’s right Ryan. Allison is awesome with her red hair. No Doubt about it.”
“No, it’s not Gwen…oh, forget it. Casey, the only thing going wrong with Allison is that her guitar playing is worse than Stevie Wonder playing Guitar Hero. Imagine that Casey!”
“Ryan, that’s just silly typical morning disc jockey banter. I refuse to stoop that low. But, now it’s time for our ‘Long Distance Dedication’ segment. This Long Distance Dedication is from Dave in Albany, New York. It’s to Scott MacIntyre in Hollywood.
Dave writes, “Dear Casey. I grew up in western Long Island, but when I was a baby I went nearly blind. My eye sight has kept me from doing several things in my life, but it hasn’t stopped me from keeping a blind eye to the problems of the regular people, like the obese, like people who need lots of haircuts, people who download from iTunes – today’s sponsor! – Or anyone who watches TV, eats, drinks, reads, fishes, camps, buy something, goes anywhere, or wears anything. I plan on approving a budget that will destroy the lives of most New Yorkers. So, please Casey I want to request for my sight-challenged compatriot Scott to play, “Just the Weight You Are” by Billy Joel. It will remind us all that the fatter you are, the more revenues we will try to extract from your wallets. Thanks Casey. Signed, New York Governor David “No Budging on the Budget” Paterson.”
“Well, Dave, here’s your long distance request for Scott.
“Now, on with the countdown! In the number 4 spot, up 6 spots from last week is Kalamazoo’s own Matt Giuard. Matt is a dueling pianist. What does that mean Ryan?”
“Casey, I have no freakin clue. I say it every week but it’s just stuff I read off a cue card. Tonight Matt pitches in on a song by the Fray called “You Found Me”. While it will be an ok rendition, Matt could’ve picked the Fray’s other big songs like “How to Save a Life” or “Over my head”. Right, Casey?”
“Ryan, the last new artist I remember hearing was back in 1988 when a group of brash youngsters with a great look released an album called ALL OR NOTHING, eventually retitled GIRL YOU KNOW ITS TRUE. Yes, Ryan, I’m talking about the one and only Milli Vanilli.
For our # 3 song, Little Lil Rounds Surrenders to Celine Dion and our iTunes sponsor with “iSurrender”. It’s available tonight on your iPhone, iTouch, iPod, or iDon’tgivearatsass.”
“And now we are up to our ‘Where are they now?’ segment.
This band hit it big back in 1976 with the R&B tinged duet with Richard Pryor, “Play that Funky Music, Cracker”. After trying to keep the momentum going with, 1977’s top ten single “Play that SoulGold Music, Honky” with Red Foxx, and the 1980 New Wave hit featuring Bill Cosby, “Play that Jello Music, iSpy”, the band broke up. They tried to reform in 2001 with “Buy our Discounted Music, Wal-Mart” but the magic was gone. So, tonight on American top 40, here’s the music of Wild Cherry as done by Adam Lambert.
“Casey, I really enjoyed Adam’s version. It wasn’t the same old, same old. Just different and fun.”
I agree, Ryan. But we’ve climbed to the top of the mountain. The new #1 is the country this week is Kris Allen with another solid performance of Bill Wither’s “Ain’t No Sunshine”.
American Top 40 is distributed by Premiere Radio Networks as well as Gmail, Yahoo, Optonline, Verizon, Hotmail, AOL, and MSN. I’d like to thank Ryan Seacrest for sharing the stage with me and our judges, Kara, Paula, Randy and Simon. And Remember, ‘Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars.’ I’m Casey Kasem.”
