Lists...All I've Got Is Lists

Being a huge fan of movies and lists, I've decided to create yet another Top 10 of my favorite and not-so-favorite DVD's and movies of 2006. Feel free to discuss!

10. Everything Is Illuminated
Elijah Wood stars as a Jewish-American who sets off to eastern Europe to retrace the steps that brought his family to America. It’s hard to classify this as a drama or a comedy, as it blends a bit of everything, all the way up to the tragic end. It’s a bit full of itself in some ways, but overall a pretty moving experience.

9. The Notorious Betty Paige
If not for bettie , I would not have known much at all about Bettie Paige. Based on my highly limited knowledge, this biopic seems pretty true to form, painting Betty Paige as a highly attractive girl who was more naive than one might have ever imagined.

8. Grandma’s Boy
Yes, this movie is about as “dumb” as you can get without drooling on ones self but still it contains enough comedic moments to warrant inclusion on my list. Whether or not this is good or bad is irrelevant. A great couch potato movie.

7. The Hills Have Eyes
Though it lacks a lot of the tense atmospherics of the original, it drags you kicking and screaming into a world where brutality is commonplace and violence is shrugged off with a simple nod. While not as good as High Tension, Alexandre Aja is fast becoming the horror master of the 21st century.

6. Accepted
Again, this is another “shut your brain off” movie but somewhere within the confines of the stupidity is a pretty cool message about individuality and finding one’s own path in life. Plus, Lewis Black....and that’s all you have to say.

5. Little Miss Sunshine
Steve Carrell is king. He alone drew me into this movie, with his complete 180 turn from The 40-Year Old Virgin into a gay scholar with suicidal tendencies. The rest of the family makes up a dysfunctional bunch of weirdos with an oblivious 8-year as their nucleus.

4. Masters Of Horror: Jenifer
Some critics seemed to have a strong distaste for Dario Argento’s Masters Of Horror debut. For me, it excelled in a number of ways and left me baffled as to what or why anyone was complaining. Another near-perfect addition to Argento’s arsenal of horror.

3. Masters Of Horror: Cigarette Burns
Of all the entries of Masters Of Horror that I’ve seen from season 1, John Carpenter’s blew me away the most. It kind of reminded me of The Ninth Gate, but gorier. Very underrated episode.


2. Clerks II
I haven’t liked Kevin Smith’s movies since Chasing Amy but I gave this one a rental. Much to my surprise, it was excellent and then some. He seems to have gone back to the formula that made his early works so great and the addition of King Diamond can never be a bad thing.

1. Borat
Hands down, this is the funniest movie ever made. I laughed to the point where my tear ducts dried up. If you think you’ve seen brutal, you haven’t seen Borat yet. Sacha Baron Cohen takes my favorite of his three characters and spins pure gold.

10. Inside Man
God...I wanted to love this movie so bad. Great director, awesome cast, Clive Owen as the villain, this movie should have been great. Instead, it was about 30 minutes too long and still, kind of a mess. Total disappointment.

9. See No Evil
I didn’t expect much and in that department, I wasn’t let down much. It was cheesy with terrible acting, weak plot development and over-the-top gore that was way too Looney Toons-esque to be taken seriously.


8. Masters Of Horror: Chocolate
While Mick Garris should be hailed for creating the Masters series, his personal entry was pretty lame. Story and acting-wise, everything made sense and was relatively serviceable. In horror terms, I’ve seen scarier episodes of Trapper John M.D.

7. An American Haunting
Truthfully, I don’t know what possessed me to rent this in the first place. It looked like a typical modern “thriller” and it was. Once the ghost started cartoon slapping the girl, game over.

6. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Honestly, I couldn’t really tell you what this movie was about. Mostly due to the fact that I could’ve cared less about anything going on on-screen but also because I think this movie tried way too hard to be “cool”.

5. The Woods
Ugh. If you compare something to Suspiria, you better deliver the goods. Unfortunately, it was more akin to Harry Potter. Nothing scary, brutal, interesting or mildly entertaining happens unless trees that come to life give you nightmares.

4. City Of Rott
An animated zombie feature sounded like a good idea. Too bad it wasn’t.



3. Bloodrayne
I had to see this. I just had to. I’ve heard so much about Uwe Boll movies and how terrible they were so I had to experience it for myself. This movie just made me sad on so many levels. Every scene made me want to cry. It was like watching a puppy get beaten to death for 100 minutes. Could be best described as a series of scenes where things happen for no apparent reason at all and in the end, you understand what it’s like to have a lobotomy.

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
In an attempt to humanize Leatherface, the film industry has once again destroyed another classic movie villain. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Hollywood is obsessed with self-examination and often forgets movies are supposed to still be entertaining. While brutal at times, not one character is worthy of sympathy or ire. As a whole, the movie flat out sucked.

1. Hostel
Yes....The grand champ of terrible movies! Hostel, without a semblance of doubt, rides into town on the giant horse of suck. I think it’s virutally impossible for me to hate a movie as much as I hated Hostel. It tries so hard to do everything and it ends up doing nothing but pointing and laughing in your face for throwing away 90+ minutes of your life. Watch Hostel and you will want to pummel someone for the piece of your life you were robbed of. Quentin Tarantino should be ashamed of himself.

10. Titus
This was a sitcom unlike any other. It’s hard to imagine some of the themes tackled here could be made funny but when they come from someone who lived them, they find a way. It’s truly sad when this show failed to last and Friends was on forever.

9. Clerks II
Clerks II was a pleasant surprise for me. I expected to be indifferent at best. Instead, I enjoyed it quite a bit. I think I’m going to even buy it.


8. Dead And Breakfast
Now HERE is a movie that is violent as hell yet completely tongue-in-cheek. It takes a bit to get rolling but once the fun starts, it treads into Dead Alive and Evil Dead 2 territory. One scene sucks but even it cannot ruin the fun for me. Best American horror film in quite a long time.

6. Masters Of Horror: Jenifer
Somehow, a woman with that amazing of a figure, that putrid of a face and a penchant for cannibalistic tendencies is still hot. Dario Argento masterfully combines gruesome and sexy and makes me wonder just what the hell is wrong with the male species.

5. Day Of The Dead
Another movie that has been forced under the collective microscope of the world. While not classic in the same way as Night Of The Living Dead, Day still whomps as only a Romero zombie film can.


4. Saw II
The first movie was pretty tame and the surprise ending was all that really saved it from ending on my “suck” list. After some persuasion, I watched the 2nd one and was blown away. How they arrived at Saw II after the first one was merely pedestrian remains a mystery to me but like Kill Bill II, the 2nd one makes the first one all that much better.

3. Masters Of Horror: Cigarette Burns
I’m not used to the word “gore” being linked to John Carpenter but on his first entry into Masters Of Horror, he basically lets the blood and guts fly. Aside from that, there’s actually a pretty good story within, including a direct nod to Dario Argento.

2. The Office: Season 2
Steve Carrell rules. Dwight Shrute is the new George Costanza. Jenny Fischer is the most beautiful woman in Hollywood. I was ready to pan this show big time because I love the BBC original so much but I cannot deny how near-perfect this reinterpretation really is. Hands down, The Office is the best American sitcom since Seinfeld.

1. Suspiria
I’ve raved enough about this movie in recent months so I’ll just say this — I love this movie and I recommend it to everyone on Earth. One of the best films ever made.