burn through my exploding heart

I saw this guy today, *******, a friend of ******'s (yours).

At the station.

It was very weird.

I looked across and he was staring at me.

So I waved.

He waved back.

But kept staring at me.

I played with my mp3 player and wondered if I should go say something.

But I didn't.

Ha.

Too scared.

I've never really seen him (when I am) sober.

Apart from once

And we had to be talking then.

 

 

I think if he wasn't yours I would've had a *thirteen-year-old-crush* on him.

With his beanie and black eye-makeup.

 

Not to say he is yours I suppose.

 

I worry about you.

I worry so bad that you are often the only thing I think about.

And I get mad at you, but I can't tell you.

Cause you'll either laugh at me or hurt yourself.

and I don't want you to do any of that.

 

I wonder what she would say if she knew how many letters I've written her.

How many blogs are about her.

How many songs make me think of her.

 

And now everyone's starting to hate you, cause you tell them you feel harder than them

and brush of their problems cause your's at worse

And you know what?

Maybe they are...

but I'm never gonna know that if you don't want to say what's wrong.

And I'm getting sick of just taking people's word.

Can they not take mine in return?

 

At least it's come to show me something.

Maybe I suck at making friends.

(I mean, six weeks in and I still eat lunch alone)

But I'm getting good at keeping them (note=getting)

and you aren't.

All your friends are mad at you and you don't even know it.

Scratch that.

all your good friends who aren't my friends.

are mad at you

and I don't think you know it.

and my best friend.

she's mad at you to.

I have NEVER heard her say a bad word about you.

 

I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker

I guess that's how this one's gonna end

 

sometimes i worry that you will die and i will never get to tell you anything i mean.

 

Once I told my friend that I'd stopped eating. I told him it because I was drunk.

But it was actually true.

I just didn't eat for a while.

Which is a bitch when you start drinking.

 

He laughed at me to my friends in the morning.

He said 'haha you told me you weren't eating'

and my friend started singing I've Been Eating (For You)

and THAT was THAT.

 

but just don't ask about my appetite
i didn't lose it tonight
it's been gone half my life
it's just i
i've been eating for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOVE rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck

Those tire tracks zigzag your torso like a Devil's self portrait. The car accident       the skin graft treatment               the flower baskets                          the wincing relatives you bid her farewell then got in your car and that's the last thing that you can recall. and when they pulled you out you didn't know your name exploding semi truck blurred your face with flame you met Jane four years ago today dancing at some vomit-stained frat party. Her newspaper gown                       glowing headline brown                     her violent gypsy dance                                                         her tired underpants love love love love love love love love love love love love rhymes with pity now love love love love love love love love love love love love rhymes with sympathy now Jane let you touch and feel her she was so free like a pineapple in a tree You said it's dangerous to be so intimate You know it's dangerous  dangerous  dangerous. Jane said when she laid on her back the sun hit her body like an ugly landscape. But some things never get better like used cars and bad livers. So you traded her in for a better looking brand. One with fake porno tits a pad lock on her lips disposable tan biodegradable hands. Back at the hospital you got no visitors at all. She visits you in your sleep, but that newspaper gown is always on fire but that newspaper gown is always on fire She met him a week after you left her when you tossed out her touch to the garbage collector. He talked her out of her skirt in his beer-soaked apartment and then they did all the things you never said that you wanted. And the sirens are laughing underneath your skull. And your thoughts are turning dull, callous and cold. Yesterday you gave your burden a name. Yesterday you gave your burden a face. But your burden looks an awful lot like her. love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.rhymes.with.pity.now love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.rhymes.with.sympathy.now