I can be in a room full of people I've known for 12 years, people I would give my life or a kidney for without them ever having to ask, and I STILL can't talk or feel comfortable at a party.

What you said about not liking any response you give... it's exactly that.  I feel like what I'm going to say is stupid, so I just don't share.

And yet, they still love me, anyway.  I'm sure your friends do, too.
And what I've learned is that trying to be a friend is the best you can do.  Trying to be there for someone, even if what you are able to do isn't perfect, goes a long way.  That's all we can hope for from our friends.

yeah, I understand what you mean.
people will tell me encouraging things, but sometimes I feel like when I'm around them it's the complete opposite.

but I'm trying to convince myself that we're all just as paranoid as the next.

One of my favorite quotes ever is, "Just 'cause you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you".

No one's really out to get you, and no one's trying to lie to you with the encouraging things (at least, I'm not).

hah, nice..

I don't think people are lying to me, it's just at times I feel like I'm not doing my part... I guess?

THEN START DOING IT!


*Easier said than done, of course.  Whole point of the entry was about how it was hard.

What can I say, I love being helpful

that's definitely not threatening in the least..

This is still on my bookmarks. Next to your twitter.
Is that creepy?

how often do you check it?

that's when I'll scale the creepiness.

Once a week ish.

no..