So what are you writing about and how does the writing make you feel.?
Also check out Nad, she is having more difficulties but coming through amazingly. i so much hope you get to meet her when you go home in the spring. Then i will envy both of you.
Also check out Nad, she is having more difficulties but coming through amazingly. i so much hope you get to meet her when you go home in the spring. Then i will envy both of you.
I've just finished reading hers, Ray. Poor thing. I'm afraid my marriage is a very different one than hers, and so I cannot offer any advice, only support.
As for what I'm writing: I'm writing and researching an article on gender differences in the workplace (a cliched theme--I don't verily believe in feminism in it's finest, so it is a tedious subject for me), and I am also writing a story that I will have to individually send out and hope it gets published.
I find it all very boring, though. I think I'm just being rotten and spoiled.
The holidays will do that to me. ;-)
As for what I'm writing: I'm writing and researching an article on gender differences in the workplace (a cliched theme--I don't verily believe in feminism in it's finest, so it is a tedious subject for me), and I am also writing a story that I will have to individually send out and hope it gets published.
I find it all very boring, though. I think I'm just being rotten and spoiled.
The holidays will do that to me. ;-)
Except for my day with my kids i am glad to get the holidays out of the way.
How has everything been going for you?
Very hard on the friendship scale but good with my family.
My best friend (in the above ground world,) says that things are OK but i know they are not. i have been dumped by friends enough to know when suddenly the relationship is vetoed without hardly a word being said.
My best friend (in the above ground world,) says that things are OK but i know they are not. i have been dumped by friends enough to know when suddenly the relationship is vetoed without hardly a word being said.
But what for? Has something happened?
It was so weird I still dont know how to describe it. I don't know how to get a handle on it. When i have figured it out I will describe it.
The week previously someone at worked hacked into mindsay and discovered me describing Janine like a sister. She didnt mind it at the time but it started to bother her because of something that hapenned at another job she had, Christmas day her and I and her kids had a nice drive north to her sisters . Her sister came with us ( about 60 miles) They both gave me a hug but then I started crying because it reminded me of other incidents when friends had dropped me because of my sadness. The next day she barely spoke to me at work and the day we did work togther she left the department and helped others. the next day she would not come in. I asked her if i had done anything to offend her and she said she was just tired but she talked to the whole staff but me.
I just wish now i knew what happenned.
On the good note I did have a nice time of coffee with a woman on thursday. i just wish I did not have to see Janine at work until she can tell me what happenned. I am really afraid of ever getting to know anyone in the so called real world again.
The week previously someone at worked hacked into mindsay and discovered me describing Janine like a sister. She didnt mind it at the time but it started to bother her because of something that hapenned at another job she had, Christmas day her and I and her kids had a nice drive north to her sisters . Her sister came with us ( about 60 miles) They both gave me a hug but then I started crying because it reminded me of other incidents when friends had dropped me because of my sadness. The next day she barely spoke to me at work and the day we did work togther she left the department and helped others. the next day she would not come in. I asked her if i had done anything to offend her and she said she was just tired but she talked to the whole staff but me.
I just wish now i knew what happenned.
On the good note I did have a nice time of coffee with a woman on thursday. i just wish I did not have to see Janine at work until she can tell me what happenned. I am really afraid of ever getting to know anyone in the so called real world again.
I'm sorry that it's so hard, Ray. Maybe she just needs space for a little while to figure things out, or figure out how to tell you what's going on. I hope things start getting better. I know that it's tough out there, but I'm proud of you for how you always get better. Don't worry, things will get better. Try not to be too upset. Sometimes people just need a little time.
I keep telling myself that and it is probably true. I know i did nothing wrong until I cried.
I know that that was not wrong too but have had friends just disappear and then hear later they couldnt cope with my tears.
Cheryl told me i would never again have friends until i controlled it. the problem is I hear her say that whenever i feel emotions come on. its like it is a curse.
i did something great yesterday though I dleted her email adress from my computer and phone number from my phopne book. I know i can look the phone number up if there is an emergency but i have sent Cheryl dozens of pictures of raechel and never been thanked once for them.
I am sorry i took up your whole blog with this. Feel free to delete it.
I know that that was not wrong too but have had friends just disappear and then hear later they couldnt cope with my tears.
Cheryl told me i would never again have friends until i controlled it. the problem is I hear her say that whenever i feel emotions come on. its like it is a curse.
i did something great yesterday though I dleted her email adress from my computer and phone number from my phopne book. I know i can look the phone number up if there is an emergency but i have sent Cheryl dozens of pictures of raechel and never been thanked once for them.
I am sorry i took up your whole blog with this. Feel free to delete it.
I won't delete them Ray because I am very proud of you. Emotions are something I've had a hard time controlling all my life too. They get the best of everyone. I don't mind when you are emotional. To me it is just a testament to how sensitive and nurturing and in tune with the world you are.
Thanks for that. I had such a night of nightmares and I was the fuck up man in them all. I am in m my new department today and I hope that gives me space from those with questions and a new outlook. i just need a little boost. I had also been pulling myself gradually off anti-depressants and I think i took it too far.
I will be back on line tonight.
I will be back on line tonight.
Thanks for being here for me.
I have to go to bed I work early.
Your words are warm hugs tonight.
I have to go to bed I work early.
Your words are warm hugs tonight.
happy new year 
*hugs* I hope you feel better and brighter soon.
*hugs* I hope you feel better and brighter soon.
Thank you, nad! And the same to you. (I've only just finished reading your updates. I"m so sorry about everything. What a horrible shock. Try and feel better.)
Thanks. I'm doing okay, despite everything.
That's good. You are a very strong person. At least you've got those adorable kids! I love those pictures.
Thank youBy the way its Ray
Thanks again Dear.
My other guardian Angel Joy just dropped me a line.
The two of you are great.
My other guardian Angel Joy just dropped me a line.
The two of you are great.
Oh my dear! You have six children? I don't think I realized that. And cooped up with them trying to keep them entertained when they cannot go outside and have no other adult to share time with is difficult. Hope things are better soon hon.
Blessings, MJ
btw...no forgetting to eat! Would you forget to feed the children? Of course not! You need nourishment to keep your energy up and be able to keep up with the kidlets and not let the vagaries and inconstancies of life get you down.
Thank you so much for your support, mamajo. (I almost just want to call you mama! ).
Yup, six babies, all six and under. But they are so good it is hard to complain. I just get restless sometimes. Especially with all the rotten weather. But things are looking nicer today, and Rev returns tomorrow and I've gotten my nanny back. So I'm feeling a little less stressed, less trapped.
And I promise, no more forgetting to eat. I think just trying to get all of them to finish their own meals is so much work, I forget that I'm supposed to get something down too. Thanks again and I hope you had a great new years!
). Yup, six babies, all six and under. But they are so good it is hard to complain. I just get restless sometimes. Especially with all the rotten weather. But things are looking nicer today, and Rev returns tomorrow and I've gotten my nanny back. So I'm feeling a little less stressed, less trapped.
And I promise, no more forgetting to eat. I think just trying to get all of them to finish their own meals is so much work, I forget that I'm supposed to get something down too. Thanks again and I hope you had a great new years!
Feel free to call me mama if you like. I have no problem with it. In fact it would be an honor for me.
I did not get the impression you are that old, to have that many children, and all under the age of six? You surely had twins or trips or something?
I am glad you are feeling better.
I have two sets of twins. When I was seventeen I had twins Christopher and Christian (Chris and Tuck we call them), Oliver when I was eighteen, another set of twins Gabriel and Gabriella (Gabe and Belle) when I was twenty, and then my little Ginny turned one in October.
The keep me awake!
The keep me awake!
Holy toledo Hon! You certainly do have your hands full! I can see where you would have to stay on your toes. Now I understand why you have a nanny. I thought you were just rich. lol
I love the names and the nicknames. No way could you call the first two Chris and Chris, but how did you get Tuck out of Christian? Just curious.
Oh, we aren't creative or anything, Christian's middle name is Tucker.
And I wish to god that was why we had a nanny! lol We actually don't pay for her, Harry's parents do. They are a bit wealthy, and they send us allowances.
Otherwise, we'd be in the drain. I owe them everything.
And I wish to god that was why we had a nanny! lol We actually don't pay for her, Harry's parents do. They are a bit wealthy, and they send us allowances.
Otherwise, we'd be in the drain. I owe them everything.
Sweet! I'm sure it's nice to have the assistance as you apparently need it. I know I sure would! I have (had) 13 brothers and sisters but none were multiples. My mother had ten, my father four previous to her. Made me appreciate the benefits of large and small families! I thought I put a stop to it after two but God determined I needed one more and she has been a blessing I'm so glad I didn't miss out on. She is also the one who has the burden of supporting me as I try to get S.S.D.
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