I sat perched on the edge of the plastic chair on my balcony poised with pencil and sketch pad. I eyed the view before me looking for inspiration. These idle afternoons with no interruption can be maddening.
Cognitive psychologists say that if you can change your automatic thoughts you can change your behaviors... some psychologists say that people who suffer from various disorders have persistent repetitive thoughts that intrude and refuse to be controlled. One pops into my mind:
I don't want to live my life waiting to die.
overandoverandoverandoverandover
The lyrics to a recently heard song filter into my thoughts..... "When he's with me he's the only one I see"
Another thought repeats:
You were just blocking my view.
overandoverandoverandoverandover
I can't see the trees in front of me. The creek has faded away. I draw my thoughts in the shapes of the alphabet. They looked something like this:
When you were here
all I could see was you
now that you're gone I can see
you were just blocking my view
Won't spend another day hopin'
Won't spend another day wishin'
Won't spend another day wastin'
My life .... on you
Don't want to live my life waiting to die
Won't let another day come and pass me by
Cuz this life's so short
I can't be wasting my time
wont' let another day
come and pass me by
Won't spend another day hopin'
Won't spend another day wishin'
Won't spend another day wastin'
My life.... on you
My life... on you
You're just blocking my view
I won't waste my life on you
