college
Not only is there that but I've fallen out with Lisa and rather than try and sort it out, she's taken to ignoring me completely. Very mature. So yeah, I'm being abandoned by everyone close to me. I'm always acting such a victim, eh? Listen to me, all wrapped in self pity. This is the first time I've written a 'diary' type thing in months. I cancelled my Xanga, not wanting anyone familiar to read any of my thoughts. Took up the habit of keeping everything in. It's difficult to reverse that habit now.
I'm supposed to be going in the car with Andrew so I can buy Bazuka from the chemists. We didn't have enough money to buy it, seeing as the doctor 'forgot' to give me prescription, but Geri gave us the money. Andrew was all like, "Wait till Monday and get another appointment." Ugh. It's not that when he has something wrong with him. If he's in pain, he acts like a dying man. And he better not think I haven't noticed that his back seems to have really cleared up, yet he's still off work. Not that I blame him. He'll be phobic too, now. Now, he'll see what it's like to be scared of something so much you have to convince yourself there's something physically wrong with you so you don't have to go. And when he does go he'll probably be fired, then he'll become Mum's "carer" which is another way of saying he'll do nothing extra around the house yet use his position as carer as an excuse to boss me around because I'm too 'lazy.'
No idea what's happening with school. Haven't been in...a while anyway. I finally spoke to Mum, tried to explain how I feel and although she's still not geting it, I think she's a bit more on my side. She phoned the Director of Education but was told she had to speak to the school Rector first. So she called the school and asked to, was told that Miss Hart (deputy) would call back. She didn't. Mum phoned back again and spoke to her, Miss Hart was sympathetic and will call back another time. Mrs Bond phoned, I answered, was interrogated until I told of Miss hart's phone calls. Then the accusing tone was dropped like a teenage boy's balls and she couldn't get off the phone quick enough! And all people ask is if I care about school. Of course I care! Would I cry everytime it's mentioned, if I didn't? Would I force myself out the house and to the Social Work, Job Centre, Council Buildings, if I didn't? Would I email the SQA to find out regulations regarding the Practical Abilities element, that I still have not been allowed to complete in any other place other than the Business Studies department.
Got my application for college. They were really nice to me and Lisa at the Open Night. Said they can't promise us anything but they'll make exceptions. We'd be in the same class and full-time is three days a week! that's very good news! Only, I need to get my form in quickly and I'll need to get the form to the school so my Guidance teacher or my old Guidance teacher (whom I'd prefer as my current one called me 'unemployable') can fill in the reference bit and issue a School Transition Form too. Thing is - I can't go to school. I've got my 'phobia' back again and plus, if I'm not going in daily because I'm too scared but then as soon as I need something, I go in...it'll look silly. Even though I wouldn't be able to go in. Mum says she'll take it in for me. I'll remind her on Monday.
I think I'll try and make up with Lisa today. One of us is gonna have to make the first move and she's reluctant. So I'll do it for her. Like I usually do! 
Oops, that was below the belt.
Ugh, I just wish my life was more interesting, magical, adventurous, exciting... 
UPDATE: I've just watched the worst film ever. I watch films nearly everyday and so I end up watching the same film over and over. So today I thought I'd watch a different one, and I decided to watch "The Good Girl" that I got for Chrsitmas but had been avoiding as I thought it may have been too realistic and would lower my mood. But today I thought, "Nah, I'll be able to relate to the main character as she gets bogged down by her humdrum existence." How wrong was I. It was awful. Firstly, they were all rednecks and apparantly they'd decided that along with the put-on accents they'd act as simple as amoebas too. Secondly, the main character said she loved Holden yet they'd only met a few days before they started having rampant sex which is very different from "making love." Thirdly, the main character acted as a sort of vehicle for all the male character's sexual gratification e.g. sleeping with her husband's sleazy best friend because he said it would be his 'salvation' and if she didn't he'd tell her husband about her affair. No self-respect, clearly. Lastly, the main character made ALL the wrong decisions, the worst being to snitch on her lover Holden leading to his eventual suicide - yet before that she'd agreed to run away with him yet before that she gave him blackberries which she believed were poisonous and then lied to his parents that he was mentally ill. Not exactly what you'd call a 'feel good' movie. It's kinda hard to feel good when the voice over is talking about a story Holden had written about a girl and a boy falling in love and running off together, never to be seen again, when the picture on the screen is showing the girl aforementioned sitting next to the husband she doesn't love who is palying with the baby that isn't his because he is actually infertile and the baby's father is either the husband's best friend or the boy whom the main character indirectly killed. Worst movie of all time and has now made me feel even worse...I might bin that DVD when my brother isn't looking. I hate non-happy endings...don't the directors realise that the ONLY reason we watch movies is so we can lose ourselves in the story of someone else's life, take our mind off our own and try, if only for a few minutes, to believe that dreams really do come true.
