A Recovering Catholic's Prayer

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starhitz

Tags:

want

guilt

catholic

thinking about things

I'm so sick of the guilt that comes from just the way I was raised and my Catholic high school, a place that I've been trying to leave behind as soon as I became a freshman there. I used to pray with phrases like, "protect me from what I want", but now I have to ask, what's wrong with wanting? What's wrong with feeling pleasure or passion or taking a step away from something? I want to stop thinking about where I'm going after this life or if this is something Jesus would do. I hate the knot in my stomach and the shame I feel after my boyfriend touches me. I hate crying each night from fear and guilt preventing me from taking the next step.

I want to walk down the street with confidence, I want the ability to raise my hand in class and say what I really mean. I want to not be afraid of breaking walls. I want to be intimate with my boyfriend and smile instead of wipe tears away from my eyes. I want the courage to take the next step.

Confidence, courage, expression. Those are things tha I want. I want to smile and be proud of the person that I've become, and the person that I am growing into. I don't think these are things that I need to be protected from. I need to be protected from the things that takes me away from them.

Protect me from what stops me from gaining these things.

Amen.

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misterskank on

Re: A Recovering Catholic's Prayer

A daughter of Irish Catholics, K thru 12 Catholic schools, my wife woke up every morning of her life until she was in her 30s with the Act of Contrition in her head. Finally one morning she woke and wondered if that was one reason she had suffered from depression most of her adult life.

"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven, and the pains of hell; but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen."

It was.

She has not been a Catholic nor a Christian for over twenty years. She is a much happier woman.

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nyourfacegrace on

Re: A Recovering Catholic's Prayer

I too am so much happier without all the "guilt" and "anguish" of the Christian life.
I still don't kill, rob, lie, blah ..blah..but only because I wouldn't want those things done to me. I still try to help people because I may be in their shoes some day and would hope someone would help me also.
I am much more confident and my stress level (and blood pressure) are much lower! I worried so much about pleasing God and not "sinning" and all those people I knew who were going to burn in hell forever,it was hard to sleep!
Now I am "good" for goodness sake and when I fail I try better the next time...for me!

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misterskank on

Re: A Recovering Catholic's Prayer

Amen.

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kittybootz on

Re: A Recovering Catholic's Prayer

That definitely hits home, sis. I still feel that way at times. All that catholic school did was instill fear not the love that god has for us. I take things loosely considering they come from the mouth of man and man's ideals. Do what you think is right, God is in our hearts not a book or words. Love you!

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starhitz on

Re: A Recovering Catholic's Prayer

Thanks to everyone for their replies. I'm trying to shape my faith around myself, instead of letting my faith shape me. It's been difficult, but religion is something that I can't completely give up, not when I know how it really used to be something that I loved, something that comforted me. I don't know if I should continue seeking what I used to feel for God, but I know that I can practice my faith without the Church looming over me, whispering in my ear, "You're doing it wrong". Any institution that preaches love but makes others act of fear and guilt, I think, is the one doing it wrong.