
what i realized today was that you cant trust anyone or anything -how are you? sometimes i really think killing myself is the best way but then i think how would i do it? every single one sounds like it may not be permanent and that would just suck!!! ah i fucking hate mondays, and i hate this town, and above all i hate anything thats close to me except for my dog. i hope your day was good. sorry im totally bummed about EVERYTHING! music aaaah yes i collect records but theyre all in ny dying
Trust is a word made up by evil people to sucker you out of your soul. I think about killing myself everyday since I was about 9, recently I came close but some sort of fucked up divine intervention happened and they locked me up. I've looked into so many ways to actually do it and very few are full proof especially if your not living alone or people check on you often. Your right, if you fail it could be worse. One guy I met in the hospital couldn't eat solid food anymore, everything had to be pureed ... it was gross eating with him. I've also heard of people being brain dead from not killing themselves with carbon monoxide (car in garage) the list goes on. Your not going to get any sympathy or words of encouragement today, sorry, but I'm in a bad place myself right now. I could probably cope better if my dog didn't die, glad you have yours!! What town are you in or what state? I don't have anyone around me so there is nobody to hate. Recently I thought I might be able to end it with lithium. I get a month's supply and I'm always at a therapeutic level, which is just below a toxic level. 27,000mg should do it but I'm not sure how long it takes to circulate, it might be really painful with major seizures. I could also take my seroquel and that should knock me out then bag myself. That should be a full proof plan. On that note I'm back in the hospital tomorrow from 9am-3pm. I haven't been eating and I guess I lost a lot of weight, I'm skinny to begin with so I must of lost a lot if they noticed. Anyways its assessment and evaluation tests... so if you don't hear from me for a few weeks or a month, I'm probably in the hospital, not dead.... hope you start feeling better .... hahaha I'm such a hypocrite.
im coming back up so thats good! you should always eat-only because it can balance so many things if you eat right! do you run or workout?that seems to help me a bit lately. ugh i hated everything but now its mediocre. if you go to the hospital -you'll be missed
I didn't go ... 3 days in a row and didn't return phone callss ... I always have this stuipid guilt for no reason but now I have a reason to feel guilty.... I keep looking out the window wondering when are they going to come and get me. arrrrr this is no way to live, it really isn't -- I want to run but there's nowhere to run to ... maybe to tomorrow I'll go the the greyhound station and get the first bus to nowhere.
Maybe it was different where I was (just outside NYC), but there was quite a bit of variety in styles of clothes and music.
Yes NY was the center and start of a lot of careers, musically, fashion, arts etc all seem to go to NY to get there break then if they made it the rest of America got to see and hear it ... Andy Warhol, Studio 54 was rocking in 1977, Sex Pistols playing live show, Joy Division, actors…..the list of things in NY during that time is endless so for sure you would see a lot of diversity.
I wrote this from the outside a world (the majority). A GM town population 76,000 and I'm sure that there are several other kids out there that lived in rural emptiness that experienced the same, we would hear about these things but not live them until a few years later..
At my school there's the people who listen to whatever is popular, the people into the rap scene and everything about it, the kids who listen to rock 'n roll (some of my people), kids who listen to alternative rock and popular rock (not my people, I don't like alot of their music), kids who listen to old school punk and the kids who don't really care that jyuch about music.
I got a lovely mention, I'm so happy!
Thanks for the read. I didn't know the 80's were that cool, I tend to avoid 80's stuff. I wish everyday I lived in the 60's, 70's, late 70's or was this age in the early 90's.
Thank you!
I just posted a breakdown of music just and the end of punk and beginning of post punk, its not a comprehensive list but a good general overview of who did what and when to bring us to todays "punk" alternative or what ever there calling the genres of today.
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