wee hours blog #1

this was a reply to onewalrus's entry, but it was way too fun to leave in comments.  so here it is.  kid stuff.

1. "MOMMY I THINK YOU NEED TO WEAR A PAD" [loudly in the women's restroom]
2. eating butter
   
3. wearing stockings so I can take off my dress to swing, but getting in trouble anyway
4. dirty songs to the tune of "say say oh playmate"
5. [after meeting dad's new girlfriend] "Hey dad, um, are you having sex with her?"
6. being afraid to sleep unless the bed is next to the wall in case a polar bear comes up the side of the bed and eats my back
7. being afraid to sleep when the bed is against the wall in case a daddy longlegs comes out
8. swallowing the second loose tooth in a burrito and having to draw a picture of it for the tooth fairy
9. "I'm FREAK-AYY" [while dancing horribly suggestively next to mom's second ex-fiance]
10. "Hey mom, where's the dick?" [short for dictionary, promptly chastised]
11. singing along with Madonna and whispering the word "bitch" in "Human Nature" until mom says it's okay
12. discreetly flipping off mom while she is sitting on the toilet, and being grounded when she notices
13. arguing with friends about how to flip people off, and whether or not pointing your middle finger at someone is flipping off god
14. "YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!!!!!" [screaming and crying after friends decide that my FACTUAL statement--that everyone dreams several times during sleep due to rapid eye movement--is not worth listening to]
15. mom's ex-fiance's hick brother: "So, Megan, what are you learning in school?" me: "Oh today we learned that the sun is a big burning ball of gas that will eventually burn itself out.  That's when the world will end."
16. "Hey mom, the crust of this pot pie is like the crust of the Earth, and the inside is like magma."
17. recording "commercials" on the little answering machine tape recorder, as well as me singing along to "Roam" by the B-52s
18. running away when mom wants me to practice piano before watching tv, making up an excuse that mom "squirted pen ink in my eye," running all the way to west bay drive, almost causing an accident, getting picked up by some hippies, taken back home, spoken to by the cops
19. running away from sleepover at friend's new house because it's haunted
20. rolling down hills of ivy
21. playing baseball and hitting a line drive right into a tree
22. hitting tennis balls over the court fence while playing with older kids, and then getting mad and indignant when they say that's not how to play
23. wanting to know what fainting is like, trying multiple ways, including hitting self on the head with a shoe, finally giving up