Once upon a time, about 5 years ago, a then-friend, who is now more of an acquaintance, gave me the password to his email account. Ever since then I have been periodically signing in, just to see what I could see. Yes. Five years later and I still check this guy's email. It sounds stalker-ish, I know, but I really don't feel much shame or embarrassment in admitting this to whoever stumbles across this blog. Years ago, when I first was told his pw, his email was interesting. Now its pretty boring, but I still feel the need to sign in every few months. Curiosity about the private lives of others I guess.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I do this. I know the difference between right and wrong. When I do something I know is wrong, I feel guilty or nervous. Yet, in checking this dude's email I experience none of these feelings. I know that it is wrong but I guess I feel that it matters so little in the huge grand scheme of things that I don't care. As I write this I'm remembering other "wrong" things that I have done. I've cut class, I've cheated in school (although not on anything major like a test or paper) and in sports, I lie probably on a weekly, if not daily, basis. I do these things knowing they're wrong but honestly not caring one bit.
This makes me think a lot about my kids because here I am, expecting them to tow the line despite all the things I've done-and still do-wrong in my life. It motivates me to relax a bit because lets face it, who hasn't snuck in after curfew or faked sick or told a lie? And really I don't think there are many people who have turned out badly because of these things. Not that I'm going to let my second graders run wild or get away with everything, its just something to think about. Maybe a better title for this blog would have been Try DIShonesty, but I'm ripping off the Billy Talent song so oh well. The end.
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