Warm Meditation

Stuck on a decision, can't think, take the advice of a friend.

Really, he knows me far too well. And I am incredibly appreciative when he can offer a suggestion that works so well.

Managed to come to the conclusion that I'm scared to listen for what God's telling me. If it's coming as a friend, I'll take it under advisement, if it's from the Bible, then I'll check to see if this actually does apply to my life or if I'm out of my tree again (a common occurrence) - but just sitting and praying, and listening for God? I'm afraid to say that any one thing is definitely from God when it's small and quiet.

Big and loud is usually either the voice of reason (when I'm right on the verge of doing something very stupid - when it's not imminent, it's much more reserved, and oddly sarcastic from time to time), or passion. That one's usually pretty easy to figure out.

For various reasons, I'm not yet up for letting the general world know what my secondary major is, so henceforth it shall be proclaimed as culinary arts. Music education is the first one, culinary arts the second. And they've got about as much overlap as you'd expect.

So, the debate has been, which to pursue? They're both passions of mine, and I could assuredly make a stable career out of either one (though, oddly, my interest lately has been to change the education major to being elementary, and pursue music in worship and my own outside hobbies).

He's right - that totally relaxed me and cleared my head out. Praying in that position is a little unique, but I think God's seen me in far more embarrassing predicaments and is still okay with talking to me here.

So, if that WAS him talking to me, then out of the two, he wants me to go into culinary arts. Which is going to be a lot more work, but it's also going to be pretty darn cool. And then I get to do cool science stuff, too.

And if that WASN'T, then the head-clearing brought about the following solution: Still applying to most of the schools that hold my interest. Oddly, not too many of them offer both majors, so, if I get accepted to one of my star choices and it only has one, then there's going to be some intense prayer going on.

Of course, if I don't get accepted to ANY schools with a culinary arts program (funny that there are so many more that offer music ed - there are a lot of teachers out there, and a shortage of chefs), then the choice becomes rather clear. I am of the opinion that I can serve God no matter where I go or what I do - it's just that there may be a better use for the gifts he's given me (and my strange little personality) in one place than another.

I also need to be using my journal more. And have to come to grips with the possibility that I may not be working at camp this year, but trust that God's got something in the works no matter what. My job is actually pretty good, and they are giving me the hours I need - I don't need to go on another rampage of papering the town with applications. That's not where my focus needs to be right now. As far as Fusion goes, it's more important that I be helping with Awana, and then if they don't need my help on some particular nights, go hang out with the Fusion crowd - they're a good influence. With how busy I am, I don't really have time to be keeping up with three instruments. I do need to devote more time to my sax, and more structure (but possibly less time) to piano. And part of the reason that I'm so stressed, still sick, and always a little worn-out is that I've been playing whacky with my sleep schedule again.

So, that's what's come up since taking my friend's suggestion. And on that note, I am going to bed.