schoolIt's quite impressive...
That talking to Knuter when I'm frustrated has the effect of a)him telling me what I had already concluded, which for some reason doesn't work as well as before (perhaps his endorsements are losing their power), b)taking away my frustration with my situation, because c)I'm now frustrated with him.
Really, why does it seem that every conversation with him either leaves me in a really good mood, or wanting to be out of the country so that I don't have to deal with him? It's not that he's doing anything wrong. It does have the effect of illustrating what I'm screwing up, because it's not his nature to discuss his own issues (this is the single problem with dating guys who have their act together - when you're not getting along, you feel like you're in competition, and you're always losing).
It's quite impressive...
That finding out that one of my instructors has 'strongly recommended' that I drop her class...tends to make me freak out and question whether I should be in college at all. I'm taking five classes right now. One of them is hers, three of them are going splendidly, and one's rather middling. But all I can focus on is this one that I've failed in.
My mom's pushing, again, for me to join the military, preferably the Navy. Sometimes I just get stubborn over this because they were so against me enlisting when I wanted to. They're the ones who talked me out of it then.
Best case scenario would have been if I'd gone away to school from the start. Or so I think, now. Mom and I have both concluded that this business of still being at home, coming home from school every night, coming home from work every night, combined with my approach to the world at large and studies in specific, was a bad idea. However. Spilt milk and all that.
I do keep wanting to disappear. Just hang out on the West Coast for awhile. Start all over. Move in where nobody knows me, and I'm in a totally new place. Establish my apartment, establish my job, start school in Seattle. Head down to Texas for a year, or maybe back to the Cities. Just long enough to get rained on.
I don't know why, but I need it to rain. I need everything washed away, and I need the anonymity of everyone in their bright-colored raincoats. I need the visibility to be limited, and the colors here to be brightened...wherever 'here' is. I need to walk with my head bare and my hair soaked, thinking with my hands in my pockets, just letting the thoughts go. I need it to rain, and rain, and rain.
Unfortunately, I live in MN, so, in light of recent circumstances, that wouldn't be taken well. That, and we're already into the frost.
That talking to Knuter when I'm frustrated has the effect of a)him telling me what I had already concluded, which for some reason doesn't work as well as before (perhaps his endorsements are losing their power), b)taking away my frustration with my situation, because c)I'm now frustrated with him.
Really, why does it seem that every conversation with him either leaves me in a really good mood, or wanting to be out of the country so that I don't have to deal with him? It's not that he's doing anything wrong. It does have the effect of illustrating what I'm screwing up, because it's not his nature to discuss his own issues (this is the single problem with dating guys who have their act together - when you're not getting along, you feel like you're in competition, and you're always losing).
It's quite impressive...
That finding out that one of my instructors has 'strongly recommended' that I drop her class...tends to make me freak out and question whether I should be in college at all. I'm taking five classes right now. One of them is hers, three of them are going splendidly, and one's rather middling. But all I can focus on is this one that I've failed in.
My mom's pushing, again, for me to join the military, preferably the Navy. Sometimes I just get stubborn over this because they were so against me enlisting when I wanted to. They're the ones who talked me out of it then.
Best case scenario would have been if I'd gone away to school from the start. Or so I think, now. Mom and I have both concluded that this business of still being at home, coming home from school every night, coming home from work every night, combined with my approach to the world at large and studies in specific, was a bad idea. However. Spilt milk and all that.
I do keep wanting to disappear. Just hang out on the West Coast for awhile. Start all over. Move in where nobody knows me, and I'm in a totally new place. Establish my apartment, establish my job, start school in Seattle. Head down to Texas for a year, or maybe back to the Cities. Just long enough to get rained on.
I don't know why, but I need it to rain. I need everything washed away, and I need the anonymity of everyone in their bright-colored raincoats. I need the visibility to be limited, and the colors here to be brightened...wherever 'here' is. I need to walk with my head bare and my hair soaked, thinking with my hands in my pockets, just letting the thoughts go. I need it to rain, and rain, and rain.
Unfortunately, I live in MN, so, in light of recent circumstances, that wouldn't be taken well. That, and we're already into the frost.
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Re: Mums kill their boys - how sad. in this day and age to be reduced to this.
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