Well, it's been 17 years since I put mom's ashes in the river, & my husband has since lost his mother too, so we do our yearly pilgrimage to the river, with the roses from our yard, & slowly think of our moms, the hell they lived, the hell they caused us to live, but they are forgiven. My mom was MPD, like mother like daughter. She could never have recovered. Way too much guilt in remembering the things she had done to me as a child, like not stopping my molestation, & sending me to school daily with bloody welts on my legs. Mom had a fun alter, who everyone loved, but they feared her just as much, because she would change in a heartbeat. I still have a boning knife I took from her one night when we were all drinking, & she was chasing people with the knife. When she wasn't looking, I got the knife. She also tried to run over her boyfriend, but only hit a tree. She would have killed him, but for a huge man, he could sure run & hide from Dottie!

Mom, I love you. I forgive all that has happened in the past. You were sick, mom, same as me, & I know how hard it is to hold yourself together. I'm just so sorry you never got any help for yourself, but you would have played the sweet little grey haired lady, who was a mega Jeckle/Hyde. I will always miss you mom, no matter what. Our last years spent together were good ones, unlike childhood, when things were so complicated. I'll seeya when I get there mom. In the meantime, Happy Mother's day, mom. I do still love you so....