performance
I dunno
However... One of the problems a lot of couples face is the arrival (or non arrival) of impotence. One of the main myths I've been faced with in my day and age is the ever wonderful suggestion "sex is natural".
My response to this is a resounding "NO IT BLOODY WELL ISN'T YOU STUPID WANKER SO STOP POKING ME IN THE WRONG SPOT IT'S NOT THERE AND YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO FIND IT IF YOU DON'T LISTEN"
Sex isn't natural. We aren't all born with this wonderful knowledge of "how to get yourself off, and someone else - at the same time" let alone how to find that wonderous "G-spot" on your partner. It's something, like everything else, that we have to learn about.
Neither is it something you're just able to do. For some people, sex and the loss of anxiety may come absolutely at once. But with some people, there's this huge anxiety hanging over their heads.
What if I do it wrong?
It's your first time. And as long as they're aware of it, and you know you're in the relationship you want to be in, and this is how you want to lose it, there's nothing you should be concerned about. As said, sex isn't something you learn first time round. Everyone is shite at it first time. Like everything, you get better with practice.
What if we get pregnant?
One of the most wonderful inventions I've ever had the wonder of knowing, is the morning after pill. It doesn't cost that much, and it's good for those little mistakes. However, if you have a pregnancy that's too far along (of which, there's something miniscule of a chance if you do use protection), although not supported by everyone, you can alway opt for an abortion. Partially covered by Medicare, it's a very private thing esp. if you're both over the age of 16.
However, if abortion isn't for you, there's always Government and Private services to help you and your partner along. It's not like you're both at the age where it's a bad thing. Pregnancy is just a way of life.
What if she doesn't like me after?
Get out of here. If someone's with you for ages and ages, I doubt all they want from you is sex. They like you for you, they're with you and have been with you through thick and thin. It's not a matter of performance, how long you last, omg, I can't believe you made me scream that, it's about the connection. Just a further expression of your feelings towards each other, and if you can say "I love you" to their face, I don't think there's anything to be anxious about.
Will I be any good compaired to the other guy?
Who cares? She's not with him, she's with you and you're who she's into. There's really nothing to worry about. As said before, she's with you because she loves you, not for any other reason. People only lead on others for a few months for sex before they get bored and move on, or get what they want and this certainly isn't the situation here.
I wouldn't been too worried. Whatever you're thinking is going wrong, or making you anxious, perhaps you should write it down and tackle it in a rational way? First times aren't too bad and sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. Just in case you're still a bit worried though, there's a hot line and website for you:
Impotence Telephone Help-line (02) 9280 0084
I'll write that number down in case I have any more problems.
First off, nothing is wrong with you. Having some problems with your first time DOES NOT equal impotence.
What I assume happened was that you got really, really nervous - the same thing happened to me. This is entirely understandable - sex is one of the most prominent subjects in society and the first time is built up beyond belief.
This is also the most horrible situation to be in because, the more worked up you get, the less likely you'll be able to maintain an erection, and the more you worry the worse it gets. And desperation does not breed good sex. Or any sex for that matter.
Ok, so:
All you have to do is relax, simultaneously the hardest and most easy thing to do. Human beings are built to have sex, and if you can just manage to not think about your penis, it will look after itself.
My advice - which you are entirely welcome to either take or ignore: take your time. Make sure you are in a secure environment, where you're not going to be disturbed, and don't hurry. Just be with her. Do not worry about pregnancy (obviously have precautions in place), do not think about your mother, or your job, or anything. Just allow yourself to concentrate on how great she is. Put aside an hour to just touch and be with each other, and let things progress naturally. Sex is also like a speed bike - sorry terrible analogy, but you know how when you are riding a bike, you need to change gears gradually to get up to a certain speed; sex is the same. If you just start kissing and slowly go from there it will work a lot better then just jumping in. And I'd hazard a guess that she's wouldn't have any problems with a slower pace anyway. If she wants to go faster, women have strange but unmissable ways of letting you know.
Personal note, I think virginity is over-rated. The sex gets better. You learn what you're doing, and what each other like. Cheer up. Things get better from here.
^ sorry about typos. I have to get to work.