Well, it is official. I have made another one of my famous decisions, only this one I hope will get me somewhere. I feel bad, for leaving my friend and her roommate stranded with no apartment, but they have until the end of the month so I hope they will be able to find something. I guess I am better dealing with people when they are reaming me out than I thought, today proved. So, I feel like a heavy burden is lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time comes the crush of losing someone I supported as a friend, someone who now has lost their trust in me, and most likely their respect (if there was any) for me as well. I feel once again, very alone. But I plan to get my feet grounded and then up and running again, I just think it is going to take some time. You know, as much as I feel bad I could not bring myself to do it, to up and move to another city, try to establish myself while making ends meet, and be cast into someone else's world. Maybe I am being close-minded, but there were some things that just didn't sit right with me. Last year, when I was chosen to lead the house in Ohio, I knew I didn't really want to do it, but I did it because I had no one else to live with, and because according to the current leader, I was the best option. But it was a horrible year, it was not fun, and there was a lot of stress and chaos...but I got through it. I know I would've gotten through this as well, no matter how badly I felt about it, and how much I hated it. I am just not sure that is what this point of your life is for, I think I needed to create boundaries. I think.
My hips crash into things alot, they're not wide or anything, they just seem so manage to knock things over, and get in my way more than they should. It's the wierdest thing. That is how I feel sometimes, that no matter how much I just want to sneak on by, or just follow along quietly, not making too much of an impact on people, I, like my hips, must not be aware of where my boundaries are and I end up crashing into something and knocking it over.
