Love,
Cindy
I was just browsing around blog-land and saw your name. Thought I'd give you a holla.
I have about a million stories that would leave you drop-jawed and in tears. Pain upon pain upon pain upon pain... and then a little more pain. I'm just one painfully angry soul right now. Some of the stuff I'm over. Some of the stuff is still brooding over. Some of the stuff I think I'm over, but will probably find out years later that I'm not. I haven't figured out the magic formula for getting through all of it, but I did,... and I did with most of my sanity still in tack. (That might be debateable, but I can still make intelligent sentences and hold down a job, husband and a household... most days - so I'm functioning, if nothing else.)
I think it is true what they say about life having seasons... relational and physical. You just have to go through the seasons. In the winter you put on your coat. In the summer you turn on the AC, in the spring you take your antihistamines, in the fall,... you what... rake the leaves that fell and made a mess all over your yard. You do what you have to do to get yourself through each season... and you learn how to manage your seasons better as each one passes. One winter we parked our car on the street and a really bad snow came. The snow plows came and burried our car even further in the snow. So the next winter when a really bad snow was scheduled to come, we parked our car in the driveway instead of on the street so we wouldn't have to dig that much more just to get our car out after the snow plows came. I think those same seasonal principles apply to every day life as well. Do what YOU need to do, the best way you can, to get yourself though the seasons that come your way.
For me, it is all a journey. Not a very pleasent one at times, but it is still a journey into who I am and how I can do things different, better. You don't just shake it off... sometimes you crawl through on your belly with bloody nails and scratched up knees. You get through it, you heal, you move on to the next season.
Sometimes I loathed the winters and the falls... but they prepared me for the springs, and the springs are GREAT! Summer is super caliente!!! I was in spring one time and a freeze came upon me out of no where... some of my flowers died because I wasn't expecting the sudden thaw, but I survived and spring eventually continued.
I could do metaphors for days... and I'm probably boring the HELL out of you. I apologize.
I just KNOW EXACTLY what you mean, and I'm a testiment that you do eventaully come out into that light you see at the end of your very long and lonely tunnel... just keep walking,... crawling,... moving in the right direction. Stop if you have to, but stop only for a time, to catch your breath and get your bearings... then... keep on moving toward the better day.
Hit me up when you want, if you want.... Soror.