poemsA creation born of ignorance
The secret place,
His voice...it left me
This time.... I'll fight.
A world between
A forgotten world
The gathering
ENDLESS
I feel so alone at this point in time,
expressing my sorrow in this childish rhyme.
Tears well up and roll down my face,
even now I cannot hide in my imaginary place.
Nightmares haunt me even in my mind,
leaving me no peace that I can find.
As I reach for the blade I take a deep breathe and count to three:
One for the pain
two for the tears
three for the blood pounding in my vein.
Oh why won't my suffering end?
At least for a little while so that I can pretend.
I look up at my reflection in the mirror;
the pain in my soul suddenly becomes clearer.
I think back onto the days had shown me a kinder side,
back before all those tears that I had cried.
It was back when the sun would shine and the birds would sing,
where you could always be giddy and giggles about every little thing.
As I reach for the blade I take a deep breathe and count to three:
One for the pain
two for the tears
three for the blood pounding in my vein.
Oh why won't my suffering end?
At least for a little while so that I can pretend.
The hand gripping the blade begins to shake,
and I start to wonder if everything was just one big mistake.
Lowering the blade the touch the cold metal to my skin,
I hoped that this would be a battle that I was going to win.
"Dear God please forgive me for all I’ve done,
I wish now that it could all be undone."
As I slide the blade across my wrist I close my eyes and count to three:
One for the lies
Two for the mistakes
Three for the pain to end as I say my final good byes.
Never
never say I love you,
if you really don't care.
Never talk about feelings,
if they really aren't there.
Never hold my hand,
if you’re going to break my heart.
Never say you are going to,
if you don't plan to start.
Never look into my eyes,
if all you do is lie.
Never say Hi.
If you really mean good-bye.
If you really mean forever,
then say you will try.
Never say forever,
because forever makes me cry...
Don't Leave Now
Come away with me,
such sweet tempting words,
but my heart said let me be,
and he left right after he heard.
I just need some time,
and time is what I got.
That clock chimed,
His plane came for him and he left.
As I watched him fly away,
A tear ran down my cheek,
And suddenly on that cloudy day,
I found the words coming from my lips and I could finally speak.
The words I shouted into the rain,
they were helpless now that he was gone,
they were filled with a loss so deep that I could feel the pain.
What if what I had done was wrong?
I let him go off to fight in the war,
He said it was what he needed,
He said he had to settle the score.
And I could not stop him, no matter how I pleaded.
For every sunset that you missed,
for every moment that passed by,
I'll wrap everything up in a sweet long kiss,
and then just hold on and cry.
Now here I sit on this hill alone,
you are here in my heart,
you are still here at home,
And in that special way we will never ever be far apart.
Loosing Touch
I find myself slipping,
slowly each day.
There is nothing to keep me here,
from slipping away.
I am sick of falling,
And getting back up.
After all this stalling,
I have had enough!
Now what would you say,
If I let go from this slender thread?
Would you not care at all,
if I ended up dead?
So why do I keep struggling,
up this mountainous hill?
Is it because I think you will feel sorry for me?
Or maybe, it’s because I think you will love me still.
Well Maybe I'm right,
Maybe I'm wrong,
But one thing remains,
I will always be strong.
For in my heart I know,
you should have never have come back,
and now that you're here,
you continue to hack.
Slowly each day,
I feel like I'm dying,
Because of you,
Now I'm laying here crying.
Go away forever and never come back!
I hate you for what you did to me,
so leave me alone now,
and then maybe you'll see.
You disgust me!
Tortured Soul
I'm shy, I'm quiet, I'm an angel in disguise.
I'm loud, I'm noisy, I'm a devil inside.
You think I'm an angel so let’s make a bet,
because if that's what you think, you don't know me yet!
I look like an angel and act like one too,
but you never know what this angel will do!
I love you.
You break my heart into a thousand tiny pieces and say it’s because I deserve better.
So take this razor and sign you're name across my wrists,
so everyone will know who left me like this!
I clipped cupid's wings so he couldn't fly,
all because you made me cry!
Find a razor blade, put it to my skin.
Push then drag back and forth, wait for the bubble of blood, then enjoy it, then do it again!!!!!
Did I tell you that I'm sorry?
Cause I'm sorry. I'm a liar, I'm addicted, I'm so tired, but I missed it.
I said that I wouldn't.
That's not what I need!
But I wanted so badly to watch myself bleed.
I can't cry, but I still can't make the tears dry.
And I'm sorry that I lied to you.
But I meant it when I said it, just like I always do.
I'm always depressed,
I don't know why I'm always lonely,
I wish I could kill myself.
False Love
Love is despair and heartbreak.
Love is not joy and happiness,
it creeps up on you like a parasite and when it leaves,
it leaves an aching pain in your heart.
When I hear the word love,
I do not think of happiness and joy,
but darkness and pain,
for it leaves just that when it is gone.
Sweeping Out the Cobwebs
I remember the time you spent with me,
all of those happy little moments,
knowing it would only end in insanity.
So I let the madness commence.
At first it was nice,
it seemed like nothing could ever go wrong.
Then my world shattered and turned to ice,
like the sudden crashing end of a perfect unending song.
You said it would never work,
so why did I listen?
You ended up being a jerk,
and leaving me to stare alone at my torn wrists,
as in the sunlight they glistened.
So now I sit here alone in this cold unfeeling room,
thinking only of you.
When I think I am alone I seeing a broom.
I walk over silent, knowing it will not help,
it’s just another thing someone else left to do.
I look at the broom's handle and notice something,
there are carving of names.
People have carved their them there to show I am not alone, and that I can do one thing.
Sweep up these terrible remains.
When all is cleared and all is gone,
I stare around myself in wonder.
The room is no longer dark, the shades have been drawn.
There is nothing left to hide under.
So simply was I to break apart,
I never saw inside my own heart.
In the dark I got lost,
And at a terrible cost.
My life was torn,
And now it is fixed,
I do not mourn,
Instead I am left to finally live in peace.
The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you.
And I can't sleep
I need to tell you
Goodnight.
When we're together I feel perfect
When I'm pulled away from you I fall apart.
All you say is sacred to me.
Your eyes are so blue, I can't look away
As we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me;
"Baby, Marry me.
Promise you'll stay with me."
Oh you don't have to ask me.
You know you're all that I live for.
You know I'd die just to hold you,
Sat with you.
Somehow I'll show you
That you are my
Night sky.
I've always been right behind you.
Now I'll always be right beside you.
So many nights I'll cry myself to sleep.
Even though you love me I can't love you back.
I never thought I would say that.
I just cannot marry you.
In utter despair I lay here in this hospital bed.
So much to fear, the endless beeping in my ear. So close to the end.
Blackness wells inside of me, and I wish so much for it to leave
But then, this was my only friend, this black despair.
I feel my heartbeat subsiding, someone near crying,
My breath fades, and I'm left all alone with my one and only friend.
I expected to see hope, or a light, or an angel
But none, only a deep blackness, an ever-deepening sorrow,
And Longing for something...
I remember the crying, after an eternity. Who had been crying, for me?
And then I saw the face of someone who I knew
Someone so familiar, his name was on my tongue
And I couldn't stop saying it, I knew that the longing was gone.
Oh and the name was there, what was it?
Black Despair.
Innocent lullaby.
You started with me,
You hear me all day
At night when I'm near
You hear me say
"Don't be afraid,
When the light comes to play
Remember the darkness that is me
Don't cry now
I'm here for you"
You've been with me
Watching me entwine your heart
You've taken my soul
With your loving art
Just let me whisper:
"Don't be afraid,
When the light comes to play
Remember the darkness that is me
Don't cry now
I'm here for you"
The light bothers you no more
I'm always here.
And never, never have you once shed a tear.
Please let me sing:
"Don't be afraid,
When the light comes to play
Remember the darkness that is me
Don't cry now
I'm here for you"
Because you know I'm there for you, to.
Take you, embrace you,
Because I promised.
You started with me,
You hear me all day
At night when I'm near
You hear me say...
