A "sudden realization" of my own (second catharsis)

Through the help of a few loving individuals around me and a general keeping myself busy, I've managed to gain some stability in this heinous situation. It came to me this morning as I was hitting the hay at about 6 or so.

Too many times as a rationalist I've assumed that my actions were correct, well thought out, and not emotionally driven. I've been wrong many of those times, including this time. The entire theory of rational-driven thinking process rests on that it leads to a better life for one and all. I've been arrogant enough to wear my love for rational on my sleeve, almost flaunting it as if it were a piece of flair.

Where am I going with this? I'll get right down to it. I still have yet to post my hypothesis as to why this has happened in the first place, but it's not relevant right now, because now, this is about selfish little me for two fucking seconds. I usually try to spell it out for everyone with finesse, but I'm not in the mood right now, so here's a list and related reasons of this "sudden realization" of mine.

What I've realized and why

I've realized, really and truly, that it was you who was at fault in this matter for the most part, and I in the lesser. It was my fault only not to realize, ahead of time, that you would do this.

And now for the accusations.

You weren't ready for a step up in the quality of your life. Perhaps it's true, after all, what people have told me, that you enjoy and thrive in your self-made instability. You've now been given every goddamn opportunity I could give you, stretching and ripping any boundaries that I had before, and, still to my surprise, you denied them. Now what does that mean?

It's means that you've continuously lied to me, most of all. You've deceived everyone around you at some point or another, whether they've realized it or not,  and I guess I'm just another pawn in your con-artistry? I worked and worked and worked to make the situation more appealing for both of us, but you don't like to make things easy and just say yes, do you?

I thought you were the realest person I knew. You even proclaimed it, if not just agreed with me. You knew I wasn't a materialistic person, and that all these things I have don't mean anything compared to you. That's only scratching the surface of everything you've fucked over. How many other guys out there would be thinking about things like the grand social-political-economic spectrum of life, or getting health insurance?

No, what you are is a liar, an irrationalist, and a fake. That's right, you're fake. Your facade is larger than your ego, as impossible as that sounds. I would never have done anything like this to you, ever, in my life. But now there's one thing you can't do anymore. You can't expect anything out of me including the vows I conditionally promised you.

Now, just as it's always been, this is about you. You could always talk to me and prove me wrong on these statements. I never delcared that they were true, or false, or anything. You could prove to me you are as real as you once proclaimed, and hopefully when you wake up from your own delusions you'll realize what you've done.

Second song, describing a particular individual in mind:



The Way We Talk by The Maine

She's fresh to death,
She'll be the death of you,
Seduction leads to destruction.
She's fresh to *death*,
She'll be the death of me,
She's fresh, She's fresh but not so clean.

Cute face slim waist,
She's got em' in a craze,
Yeah I think he's going crazy.
When she speaks it makes me grind my teeth,
Yet he still thinks she's amazing.

And she's been playing games,
Ever since 98',
Shallow is as shallow does,ya.
Some people never change.

And she's so fine,
She's thinks she's so damn fine.
She might be fine,
But she ain't worth a second of your time.

You're as fake as the moans you make,
And you're as weak as the hearts you break.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
So just give us a little break.

Sex sells,
And your sex cells make all the lost boys drool.
Cause you're a dime,
But they'll have to wait in line,
Until one of them makes it *two* of you.

Cute face slim waist,
You still got em' in a craze,
Yeah I think I'm going crazy.
I have a long list of things to say,
But I'll leave it at,
You amaze me.

And she's so fine,
She's thinks she's so damn fine.
She might be fine,
But she ain't worth a second of your time.

You're as fake as the moans you make,
And you're as weak as the hearts you break.
You're as fake as the moans you make,
So just give us a little break.