hmm okay so he broke up with me last week... on wednesday... i was okay with it at first... i guess but then like we started talking... like just as friends... and as it got later in the night the more we talked... he said he's still in love with me... and he asked me why i kept taking him back after he's hurt me so much... and there's only one true answer to that and that's because i love him... i will always love him...but if he asks me to take him back again i'm not sure what i'd say... it hurt way too much... on holloween... i just couldn't do it again...ever since then... i just couldn't go through it again... all of my friends keep saying that it's his loss... and that i was too good for him blah blah blah... but if it was his loss why does it me so much? why do i find myself wanting to tell him that i was the lucky one to have had him as my boyfriend...
my friends think i was too good for him... they think of him as some junkie.. because they think that's all he thinks about is getting high or drunk... he just wants to have fun while he still can... i don't blame him... after all his dad is a dick... hahaha wait... gosh.. there i go again trying to defend him... like always... even though he's hurt me i think i'll always defend him.. because it's not anyone else's place to say shit to him... if i wanted to say anything to him i just would... and i did... and that was the last time that i was going to say it... and i mean it too.... i wont say that i love him anymore... even though he knows that i do... lol especially after tonight... man fuck it... i'm okay with being friends... it's just that gosh darn it... he still loves me... and i still love him... its just that we can't even be together... and even if i were to go back to torrance... it's not like him and i could actually be together anyway... his family hates me... just because i'm not mexican... and because i'm black and lets see the list can probably go on and on... but it's not about that... gosh darn it... fuck why love? why does it have to hurt so much... fuck i hate this... fuck it peace...
heartbreak
