"Fuck, you're so not worth this. Bye."
And she hung up half way through my "Bye". Not her, but Emily. It was seven months with her, until I ended it nearly two months ago. She's been chasing after me since the evening I left. I saw it coming well in advance leaving it easier for me to take than her, who chose to ignore the warning signs & even my words of our failing relationship together. She's changed much now, and up until eight minutes ago, wanted me to offer her another chance more than anything in her world. I do miss certain things we had, but I want to fall in love, I don't want to settle.
Everytime we talk, it feels as though she has a notebook infront of her and she's reading smoothly off it, paragraph after paragraph, leaving me nothing less than awestruck & spleechless looking as though I really don't have any feelings at all when all my words are truly trapped inside not knowing a way out. So I find my way here to nordly.mindsay.com, where not another soul knows I'm here. There's a certain peace in that fact. The fact which I can write, knowing no one I know will see my feelings outloud.
Within these butterscotch & chocolate brown walls, it's time to get beneath my duvet covering this double bed where only a single soul will lie tonight. Alone again, naturally. I will close my eyes to the soft lighting, and let the instrumental music continue to flow...
God natt.
