Maybe I'm Being Influenced, Maybe I'm Not

Honesty time-- I've been thinking about leaving MindSay and this last flurry of posts on my part have been an effort to stick around and find a purpose. I know it's gouache to share as I am. I should be strong and leave behind a friendly note explaining my time here and why I'm leaving. But every time I sat down to write it my mind would flash to all the times I asked others to keep blogging, to those people I don't want to leave behind; because I would leave people I love and respect behind. I know myself too well to say I will log back in once I left. At best I would check my journal a month before my visits would taper off. But how stooopid is it that I now feel compelled to stay because other loved ones are leaving? How contrary is it that I don't want to seem a follower so I stick around and try for a renewed attempt at blogging?

Talk about navel-gazing, I look at my posts from years ago and even though I cringe at my spelling and conceit, I admire my enthusiasm and willingness to write. Now, I can't seem to write about anything. Each attempt is aborted due to self-consciousness and boredom.

I'm reapplying myself out of stubbornness, habit and a curiosity to see what's on the other side. If I keep type-type-typing perhaps I will fall into the bloggers' cliche of minimilism or hopefully discover a better voice.

To regular visitors, look, I don't share this information lightly as I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of uncertainty. A blog in this state is like an unfulfilled promise.

#3

Watched/watching:
I'm Reed Fish
Palindromes
The Life Before Her Eyes
Conversations with Other Women
An Ideal Husband