I've found a lot many things since moving home this summer... some good... some not so good. And this week I found out something else... and this time it was something about me.... Not one but two- two (?!) of my best friends have mentioned that I sometimes seem, well, there's no other word for it. Mean. All right so one said bitchy, but that shouldn't count. Check that- make it three friends... which of course for me is the number of confirmation. I believe that if I have three signs, three personal confirmations, three connections that mean something to me... well it's a sign from the universe.

They all told me that I seem, cold, distant and at times unfriendly - and I do realize that from time to time I may seem like I have a wall up...a fence really... okay so it's the highest castle walls in the sky, drawbridge drawn up tight, and the moat is filled with piranha. I swore I would never let anyone in again and me being me must have left a back castle door open somewhere, I must have gotten forgetful. That and the universe has made it so that I can't hide. Not that I was really trying to... more like trying to hide in plain sight...

So one of the bf's said to me that life was circular (mmhmm, sounds very familiar) and obviously (and I'm paraphrasing here, telling you all what I got out of this conversation) the universe has sent me back here to resolve all old issues so that I could keep going, I believe spiral was the exact word, and upwards would be nice... we all know you can't go upwards dragging baggage (not that I haven't tried... not that we all haven't tried)

And do love has found me again. I wish we had English words for types of love~ we have romantic love, sexual love, friendship love, family love, puppy love (and of course cat love) and not one of us can live without love. We all have it to give, and maybe if we just let ourselves.... we can accept it too...

Which leads me to my next confession, there's a reason I hide, that all this hurt has built walls... x0ximissyoux0x if you're reading this... I've been there, don't let it ruin your life like it ruined mine. Know that it will never go away, never heal in the way you want... but heal you will. Tell. Tell the world, don't keep it in, secrets will kill your soul. And suddenly you'll find yourself one day wishing the pain would leave but never knowing how to make it go away. You'll carry it as I have done, healing everyone else but myself... and suddenly one day you'll come face to face with your past and if you're as blessed as I am someone will love you enough to help you heal, several someones if you're as luck as I am.

I've been blessed enough to have someone, again, several someones see me for who I am. Usually I am the one who sees, not this time.... I've been seen.

So...

It's my time to heal, to spiral upwards if I can... and I'm not alone.

And x0ximissyoux0x? Neither are you... we're here, we're all here....



Seal ~ Love's Divine ~

Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time through a prayer, to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Love can help me know my name.


 
   

 


Comment Page: 1 2   [Next]
 
johnndepp on
Re: Love's Divine
I love Seal's music.

It seems like this month is full of people realizing and learning things about themselves

It really is amazing what you could learn of yourself through other peoples eyes. things you might or might not expect.

noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
You and I must be on that same wavelength, you put into words what I am feeling. And not expect is exactly it!
johnndepp on
Re: Love's Divine
What can I say, other then the lyrics that skimmed through my brain....

 

Hey, hey You, you get off of my cloud!

 

noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
lol! And here I want to share my cloud~
johnndepp on
Re: Love's Divine
lol.... maybe we could share our clouds some day
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
Absolutely!
astro1701 on
Re: Love's Divine
I've come to expect the "walk alone"
even though Bear and Dog walk beside me,
you're right..it's not enough
However, what's one to do?

..two days ago I found the paper scrap that the "last" boyfriend wrote his # and address on in my tool bag..
..the only thing I have of his and now a TREASURE

I will not bend
I will not break
I will be strong
and soon I will be home
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
Speaking form 'home' it's a rough patch of road, but it IS worth the trip. You never know who and what you'll find.
astro1701 on
Re: Love's Divine
my journey from Cali over a year ago to here..
the tribulations of my self-absorbed friends
the grief and loss of another partner to violent crime
my delay returning home and on a fringe budget

yeah..
never a dull moment
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
Smiley I did that in July, came home, no money, no job... best thing I ever could have done although it sure didn't seem like it at the time.
astro1701 on
Re: Love's Divine
and I'm so tired
weary
I feel as if I could sleep for a month
eyesthebye on
Re: Love's Divine
This was a very deep  anf passionate blog.

I sure never would think of you as mean.
I would describe you as being careful and rightefully so.
You deserve the best of everything and I hope it comes to you.

But I guess you  wouldn't be surprised to know that i admiire who you are and what you say.
i cant hear the sonmg because my computer is broke but thankfully you printed the lyrics.

Ray
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
I'll try to remember that you need the lyrics printed out... but right now I'm busy misting up because you called me careful... I am, sometimes I am too careful and other times I have not been careful enough. But this time I have time, all the time in the universe.
eyesthebye on
Re: Love's Divine
I hope you see that as a positive thing.  I have known cold, and i have known Ice and you are neither.
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
It's a very accurate and very kind thing to say... sniff.....
eyesthebye on
Re: Love's Divine
If I could hug you I would.
So I sit before my screen,
 cross my arms diagonally and imagine a
 "Heart/hug"and send it your way.


p.s.
In case you are still up
CBC Radio 10pm tonight
Buffy St Marie will be on for an interview
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
Heart hug... I like that...

I even know what one feels like...
eyesthebye on
Re: Love's Divine
Good. From now on if you see HH from me thats what it means.
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
Will do.
olokun on
Re: Love's Divine
time is nice, isn't it? 
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
Yes, this time is... smile....
ghosthunter on
Re: Love's Divine
We all build up walls, hun, it's natural, we don't want to get hurt, it's self preservation.  Some of us however build them out of brick others out of paper, it depends how much we are prepared to risk!  Lovely blog though, keep positive, trust me even when things seem negative they may not be as bad as we first think
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
I'm still learning but then shouldn't we all be?
ghosthunter on
Re: Love's Divine
It is something about love I have learnt is you never stop learning about it, whether it be good or bad experiences, they are worth taking the risk to have ~Spiggy~
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
You're a good friend... what would I ever do without you?
ghosthunter on
Re: Love's Divine
Like most other people remain sane? ~Spiggy~
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
Who wants to be like most other people?
ghosthunter on
Re: Love's Divine
Oh sometimes I don't want to be parts of me, like now, as my empathy is killing my back and eyes
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
Really? Mine usually affects the 3rd chakra- and my heart. On onccasion maybe a headache but never my back or my eyes... Kundalini maybe? Third eye?
ghosthunter on
Re: Love's Divine
Something along those lines, I have a tattoo of the word empath in Japanese on my back, my eyes feel tears when my empathy is high
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
I knew I liked you! Is that why I cry?  I have a American Indian shamanic symbol on mine...
ghosthunter on
Re: Love's Divine
check your email I put a picture in for ya ~Spiggy~
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
Back at you~
olokun on
Re: Love's Divine
if i may offer my two cents. you've experienced a lot in the past year. you've learned much about people, discovered even more about yourself and maybe now is your time to process it all.  moon is in scorpio right now--deep feelings. i have never gotten a cold vibe from you. you seem very warm. i know, i know, it's a computer but in a blogging community come to know each other  in a special way. i have come to know you as warm, caring, introspective and thoughtful. keep your head up.
noelle67 on
Re: Love's Divine
You are good, smile. And I am Scorpio. Very deep feelings indeed- must they all rise to the surface at once? lol. But you know... it's not so bad, the processing I mean. I've had to come to terms, face to face, with all kinds of things this week and then just yesterday the proverbial you-know-what hit the fan- and then I saw a rainbow- for just a brief moment and I knew- I knew without a shadow of a doubt that everything and I do mean everything, every aspect of my life, was going to be okay. It's just too early for me to see how yet.
olokun on
Re: Love's Divine
this makes me smile. these are the moments that make life so awesome. i am happy to be alive! 

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