It's  a hard time of year for many, my friend.

I am sorry.

no doubt much harder for a lot of people than me.  but then again, those relative standards don't make me feel any better. 

thanks

I know.

We do so get our hopes up around this time of the year. And you're right, there's nothing anyone can say to make it better. You certainly have reason to ask, "why me? why now?" and I am in no position to even give you a good reason. Hopefully you have someone close to you, close enough to help you through these times, close enough to help you see why these things happen.

thanks doc... wise words as always.

i do have people i can talk to and such.  though theres rarely anything that can be said.  God is with me... well... frankly, He's with us.  He can take care of it.

i appreciate your comments.

have a nice day

I am truly sorry to hear it...stuff like this is never easy and I have yet to find the "magic" word(s) to make everything better.  My prayers are with you. 

yeah... no magic words... thats for sure.  it may not be over yet... so prayer is certainly appreciated.. thanks.

have a nice day

it reminds me of what someone once told me:
"God knows your name, but he also knows your birthday."

his point in telling me this was, our lives seem to happen in cycles...
and there are generally themes that keep cropping up each time
around...

i think you may have inspired me to blog about my own, we'll see.

but the waiting is hard, isn't it?  But Dec. is never really a good time to
start anything new, or mondays....especially mondays in December.

Best wishes...it'll come.
-dex

thanks dex.

amazing the difference a couple weeks makes.  things in that same situation are looking very different now... and very positive.    i suppose that lends to proving that point.

have a nice day

You don't know me from Adam [and I'd be eve anyway..lol] but I saw your name and I know someone who goes by that same screenname elsewhere. I thought I'd look at your blog [thinking you were this other] but having read more, I know you are not he.

However, having read your blogs I felt the need to share something with you. I grew up in a highly abusive home, being homeschooled in said situation was very difficult. I was finally allowed to attend a private school as long as I paid my own way. I then joined the Air Force in an attempt to escape my homelife and fulfill my military dreams in the same move. By the time I was 18, I was alone. I had had an unrequited love in highschool that lasted for the entirety of my tenure there.By the time I was 20 I felt unloved, unwanted, and thought that even God no longer cared.

I felt God had abandoned me for the following reasons. My parents were pastors and considered fine upstanding folk and true Christians. They mentally and physically hurt both my brother and I leaving us both full of physical and mental scars. And our extended family turned their backs on us to avoid confrontation with my parents. All during these 19 first years, I had clung to God firmly. I showed my faithfulness in word and deed, becoming someone the Church deacons were willing to appoint as Assistant Music Director even though I had no "official" theological training. I had continued on in this vain to the point of gaining the same position in every Air Force chapel I attended. And then when I turned 19, I met the man I thought God intended for me.

My talks with pastors seemed to lend credence and these wise men's approval, for my future intended said all the right things and did all the right things. And that year we were married. By the end of the year, we were sent to different military bases. My husband emotionally abandoned me for 8 months, and then told me that everything he had said and done was an intentional lie to gain my hand. Finally, the trust in god fled.

To this day, I am married to him with little faith left in the God I once trusted and loved. But my story is not without a point. While my god may or may not have failed me, perhaps He is still attempting to help you. Whatever happens, do not become as desperate as I became. For that, I believe, is  what led to my easy manipulation.

Keep your wits about you and forget nothing that you have learned from these past relationships. Make a firm friend who will tell you the truth without fail. For this friend is the one you must trust to examine your relationship with your next "love". And do not go through life looking for the one. As often happens, you will be badly disappointed. Instead, be the one. Confirm yourself in your beliefs so that you will not stray for the glitter that will soon turn to dust.

Like I said, you do not know me. But you no doubt know me in your heart, for you apparently shared the same experiences as I. Perhaps you will see the truth that I share, and if that happens, then maybe what I have suffered will not reoccur in you. And this is why a stranger bared a soul.