How big is this spider? And is it male or female? Lol. I ask a lot of questions don't I, maybe wikipedia can tell me. I love your pictures.

Its about 4" they are all around my area. 

Four inches? That's a good size for a spider. We've just moved to MD and I'm always on the lookout for Black Widow spiders, so far no luck. We didn't have anything nearly that exciting when we lived in NY. I understand there are Brown Recluse spiders here too.

last summer I did an internship and one of the employees who was bitten by a Recluse spider on the leg.  He lost about an 1" deep of muscle from the bite.  

oh my dear and fluffy lord...mutant spiders O_O