Making the effort

There's this guy at college who does the same course as me. He uses an electric wheelchair and his body is all twisted up and when he speaks he speaks in a strained whisper and it's often hard to understand what he's saying. He's in one of my classes.

Anyway, on Friday, I was at college a little early and went into the cafe and he was there by himself and there wasn't anyone else I knew around so I bought myself something and I sat next to him. I did it because he was the only person I sort of knew who was around, I didn't know him well but we have had done a couple of classes together. But I also did it because I was aware that, because it takes a bit of work to communicate with him, that a lot of people would tend to avoid him. Not out of meanness or desire to exclude him, simply because they'd know that it's hard work to communicate with him. I know that people would do this because I've done it once or twice, myself, and maybe I'll do it in the future, too. But this time, I was thinking that he probably gets very lonely sometimes and that it must be so frustrating for him for people not to understand what he's trying to say. And I was thinking that at least this once, I should make the effort.

And we didn't speak a lot but we spoke a little bit and I had to get him to repeat himself a couple of times but he was very patient with me, and then we went to class and I was sitting next to him, and we were teamed up with one other person (and his aide) for an activity, but anyway, after class ends, I'm saying goodbye to him and "I'll see you next week" and he grabs my hand and he pulls me in for a hug and he says in my ear, "Thank you" with real appreciation in his voice. And I say, "You're welcome," or something like that, and then I go home. And it felt, I dunno, kind of special.

And as I was walking home, I was thinking, a lot of people, including myself sometimes, might think that maybe it's not the effort to talk to him, since you have to strain to hear him and even then you don't always understand what he's trying to say, and worrying about misunderstanding him, and watching him struggle with something and not sure whether I should help him or do it for him or let him do it himself.

So people might think, "It's not worth the effort." But that time, I decided it was, and really, those things, it was nothing. It meant I had to be alert, and maybe I wasn't as comfortable around him for the above reasons as I might've been if he didn't have a disability, but really, that was nothing for me, in the long run, I didn't lose anything, and I actually did enjoy his company.

But for him, it was obviously something. And because it was something for him, it reciprocated and it became something for me, too, because that's what being alive is like, these things are spread from one person to another, positive and negative.

So what I was thinking when I was walking home, is that I turned what was nothing into something for both of us, and even if we never see each other again, (and we will as we're in the same class, but even if we don't) we both have those somethings which before was nothing.

So I was thinking, it's stupid to think that it's not worth the effort to sit down next to him, because turning nothing into somethings is definately worth the effort.