Today, marks the day that my friend Toni has been dead for 4 years. I thought I would have gotten over this by now. I can't. We were so close. And it hurts, more than anything in the world. I mean, we used to go to each other houses and stay up all night doing useless things like throwing eggs at each other and such. Weird thing is I have the same dream every year! I MEAN EVERY YEAR. I woke up this morning shaking. How can I get over something when something makes me think about it over and over? I guess all I can say is atleast he's in a better place than me. He's not hurt everyday, and he doesn't have to deal with the pain of being alive.
I just can't believe it, it's been four years, and it stilll feels like it was yesterday. I wake up thinking about him sometimes. I mean, he was there for me, when Natasha died, and when people in my family died. His friendship meant the world to me. And now...I can't say I have any friends that mean the world to me. Because I don't. I don't have anyone. No one who will cry because I'm crying, no one that will laugh about stupid things with me. NO ONE. He was two years older than me. He was 13 when he died, isn't that a screwed up age to die at? His birthday is in 4 days. How and I gonna take that? I dunno. Not good, I suppose.
If you really wanna know how he died..I'll tell you. He died 'cus his brother was driving drunk...and crashed, and he was killed, but his brother survived. I can't even bare to look at him, anymore. We talk ocassionally, but deep down, I hate it. I hate talking to the person who didn't intentionally kill my best friend, but did kill him. I know he's sorry, and I know it's hurts him for killing his little brother, and I know he hates this single day, each year. I need to stop talking about this before I start crying. Thing is I can't help it.
How could you love and miss someone you only knew for 6 years, and he's been dead for four of them?
I love Brandon, always and forever.
That is all.
[nicole]
friendships that last forever
I'm so sorry.